The Path of Lost Souls
by curiousconstellations
Summary: After an encounter with a dangerous criminal, Emma Swan takes in Killian Jones, a stranger that is grieving a terrible loss that leaves him vulnerable and alone. The two strangers bond over their shared experiences and discover that seeking comfort in each other may provide them with exactly what they've been missing. (Modern CS AU)
1. Chapter 1

Emma feels her eyes getting heavy and she slides fractionally down in the driver's seat before jolting and reaching to turn the radio up. It's some radio-friendly pop song playing but she's not really in the mood to be picky about the music, instead hoping the repetitive noise will at least keep her awake until the target emerges.

Gold. That's all they have about him. No first name, no education records or employment history beyond his current suspected affiliation to a drug smuggling business along the East coast. Just the last name Gold and a tip-off about the address she's currently monitoring. Besides the light in the top window turning on the house has barely been active in the last three hours and Emma is starting to wonder if the address tip was a hoax.

Her bear claw and coffee supply are long gone and she's getting restless and tired. She's been given the brunt of the less than pleasant stake out jobs in the precinct for a while now but this one is a particular dud and she contemplates just driving home until a car screeches to a halt outside the house.

Emma turns the radio back down and watches intently as the driver gets out. It's an older man with a cane, marching as quickly as he can up to the house and opening the door, leaving it wide open as he enters. The house seems normal; it's in a nice neighbourhood and the front yard is cared for and the porch has flower pots. No obvious sign of it been a crack den or anything.

Suddenly she can hear distant shouts and the man comes back out, pulling another man out with him despite his use of a cane. The porch light is on but it doesn't help much with distinguishing their features, although she can tell the second man is younger than the first. A woman soon follows them out, wearing a silk gown and her hair in disarray as she yells at them both.

The older man begins hitting the other with his cane and the woman cries for him to stop. The younger man steps out into the street to get away and Emma is tempted to get out of the car until she hears him shout 'Gold' and she tenses. So the tip-off really was true.

The second man punches Gold and the woman continues to yell at them to stop. Gold steps in front of the other man, blocking her view from her car but she hears a scream and she doesn't need to see to know it was of pain.

Emma reaches for her gun and scrambles out the car, her heart beating like crazy as the adrenaline of the dangerous situation kicks in.

'Police, step back!' She calls, too shaken to worry if that's what she should say in such a situation. Gold freezes and the woman makes a fearful noise but Emma is looking at the man kneeling on the ground next to his severed hand. She looks over at Gold, a bloody knife in his own hand as he glances at her gun before suddenly limping to his car.

'Milah, get in the car now!' He yells at the woman, who stares at the severed hand on the ground in shock before jumping fearfully when Gold shouts at her again. Emma weighs the situation up quickly. She knows even with Gold's ailment she can't take him herself. She could shoot, but she can't kill him because they need information from the only known person connected to the business. She decides to aim at his arm as he climbs in the car, hoping the shot was just enough to wound him. Taking note of the license plate on the car and the name of the woman with him she lets Gold go, watching as the car screeches away.

The man on the ground groans in pain and she exhales, hoping her heart rate would decrease sometime soon.

'I'm just going to get my phone so I can call an ambulance.' Emma tells him but he groans again and she frowns at his reaction.

'No, don't. I don't want to go to a hospital.' The man murmurs and Emma scoffs.

'Are you kidding? You just got your hand cut off, you need medical attention.' She replies firmly, already walking back to her car for her phone.

'Call that ambulance and I won't tell you what you want to know about Gold.' The man says louder and she stops.

'Are you seriously bargaining information for not getting any help?' Emma asks, holstering her gun at her hip and crossing her arms. She sees a light turn on in a window two houses turn and tenses again.

'Look, people probably heard the gunshot and no doubt a nosy neighbour will come out soon. I need to get you someplace that isn't the middle of the street. If you don't want to go to a hospital can I at least take you someplace else?' Emma sighs, grimacing as she watches the man inspect his handless wrist.

'I can't go home. Gold probably knows where I live and no doubt send his men to cut off more than just my hand.' The man replies and Emma rolls her eyes in frustration.

'Okay, well I can't leave you here so you're coming with me.' She sighs, moving towards him before realizing she doesn't know what to do with the hand or his bleeding wound. When she's closer to him she sees the toll the injury is taking on him, his face pale and his jaw clenched with the pain.

Emma feels lightheaded herself at just the sight and she tears off part of her shirt to wrap around his wrist. It's messy and certainly not the level of attention the injury needs but it's all she can do for now. She notices the man's breathing is uneven and her stomach is in knots. This was not how she imagined the night going.

Emma is relieved when the man picks the hand up himself and after a deep exhale she helps him to his feet and towards the car. He weakly falls into the passenger seat, wincing and groaning as he moves his injured arm and juggles his severed hand. It makes her want to laugh in a completely non-humorous and totally nervous kind of way but she holds back, shutting the door gently and quickly walking over to the driver's side.

A porch light comes on across the street from the house and Emma drives away before they can take note of her bug near the suspicious pool of blood on the ground. Her boss will find out what happened eventually but she doesn't need civilians reporting her to the police.

She's tempted to drive to the hospital despite the man's refusal for medical help but then he'll never give her information. She gave him the choice and he's risking his own health, so she bites her lip and drives past the route towards the hospital and heads towards her apartment.

'I'm Killian by the way. Killian Jones.' The man mutters after 5 minutes of tense silence. Emma glances over, surprised to see the hint of a grin on his lips. Perhaps it was out of pain but she had to admit this Jones guy was holding up remarkably well for what had happened to him.

'Detective Swan.' Emma replies curtly. She suddenly feels rather self-conscious about the state of her car, coffee cups and pastry boxes littering the backseat, not to mention the musty smell she only just became aware of. It's ridiculous because Killian Jones has far more important things to be worried about than the state of her car, his severed hand being a major one, but she cringes at her lack of cleanliness anyway.

'So how do you know Gold?' She questions, raising her eyebrows when Killian shakes his head.

'We're not discussing anything until I know I'm safe.' He replies. Emma fidgets until she can pull her badge from her hip and shows it to him.

'I'm a real cop, trust me.'

'Oh, I don't doubt that, love. But right now sitting in a conspicuous yellow car with my severed hand on my lap doesn't really make me feel any less unsettled.' It's the first time Emma notices he has a British accent and she wonders how he got caught up with Gold (and what he did to get on his bad side). She huffs with frustration but otherwise refrains from questioning him on the matter any further. Killian makes frequent noises of discomfort and she drives a little faster, both for his sake and her own.

They reach her apartment building and she helps him back out of the car and into the elevator, noticing his blood coming through the strip of her shirt. He's getting weaker and she tries to open her front door as quickly as possible. Once they're inside she ignores the voicemail flashing on her phone and the curtains that need closed and guides him to the bathroom. In the bright light he looks awful, pale and clammy and dents in his bottom lip from his teeth. He suddenly vomits and she's grateful he managed to get most of it in the toilet. He murmurs an apology but she tells him to be quiet, laying a towel down on the floor and lowering him onto it. His severed hand is a few feet away from her on the floor and she grimaces before putting it in the sink. Emma isn't quite sure what to do with it; this kind of thing was never part of her basic first aid training.

'Swan.' Killian mumbles and the way he addresses her startles her for a moment.

'Killian, I need to clean out the wound as best as I can and put a bandage on it. I only have over the counter pain meds but it's going to have to be enough if you don't want to go to a hospital.' Emma tells him firmly and when he nods weakly she quickly leaves the bathroom to fetch supplies from her first aid cabinet in the kitchen.

'Killian, are you still with me?' She asks when she returns, his still posture worrying her. He hums in response and she exhales, helping him sit up so he can swallow the painkillers with some water. She takes off the strip of her shirt and rinses his wound over the bathtub for a few minutes. Killian has barely moved or made a sound but she focuses on wrapping proper bandaging around him and hopes she's done enough to minimize infection.

Emma makes him take a few more mouthfuls of water before helping him up again. She takes him to her bedroom, pulling the comforter back and lying him down on the bed. He mutters something nonsensical and she brings in a glass of water to put on the bedside table and a bucket in case he's sick again.

'I swear to God if you blame me if anything goes wrong…' Emma mutters as she runs her fingers through her hair and stares at the stranger in her bed. Killian seems to have finally succumbed to shock and exhaustion and she leaves him be, gathering some pajamas and putting them on the couch in the living room. Before she can sleep however, she has to deal with the hand in her bathroom sink. If they had gone straight to a hospital perhaps it could have been reattached but she doesn't really know how viable it is now, although she puts it in a box with ice anyway because she'd seen it in a movie once and at least it's better than leaving it in her bathroom to terrify her in the morning.

She's cleaning up the bathroom when she notices a ring on the floor, one that definitely isn't her own. It's simple but she can tell it's a wedding ring and she realizes it must have come from Killian. It's too small and feminine to belong to him, but it could have belonged to the woman that left with Gold. A hazy outline of the situation appears in her mind but without Killian's explanation she can't know for sure what happened.

Emma doesn't have the energy to call her boss and tell her everything, she'll deal with her in the morning. For now the adrenaline of the night has caught up to her and she feels sick was tiredness. She glances back into her bedroom at Killian before calling it a night and sleeping on the couch, wondering why it had to be her that dealt with this crazy case.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thank you to everyone who has shown an interest in this story so far! It's going to be a slow burn fic that's not always fluffy but I hope it's enjoyable :)

* * *

'Okay, I did as you asked and didn't take you to a hospital. I tended to your wound and let you, a stranger I might add, sleep in my bed. So now you're going to give me all the information you have on Gold.' Emma says seriously as she stares down Killian at the kitchen table. He had woken up in the middle of the night complaining about the pain and when she had glanced at her phone and saw it was 3am she really questioned her decision to not take him to the damn hospital.

Killian still looks rough this morning but definitely in better shape than last night. His bandages will need changing but she hopes he will leave and take care of himself once he's given her the information and he's no longer her problem. Emma has to admit that he's not completely unattractive beneath the bruising Gold gave him and the black circles under his eyes (eyes that are very blue she notices). He's got a charming smile when he's not wincing from pain and his voice is deep and his accent pleasant to listen to.

'Where do you wish me to start, love?' Killian asks softly and she avoids his gaze as she gets her notepad ready.

'Let's start with your connection to Milah.' She notices the way his face falls and she presses on before he can say anything.

'I was watching the house last night. I know you two were in there together for at least 3 hours, probably alone. I also found this.' Emma places the ring on the table gently and Killian clenches his jaw.

'It's hers, isn't it? She's married to Gold.' Emma deduces, feeling a strange twinge of sympathy for the man when he nods solemnly.

'I met her about six months ago. I own a bookstore downtown, little place not many people know of. It was a quiet day and she was the only person there, reading a book in an armchair by the fireplace. I decided to join her and we started talking. She told me books were her escape from her life. She kept coming back and we got to know one another. I found out how unhappy she was in her marriage and we began to see each other secretly.

'About a month ago she told me her husband smuggled drugs and I knew I had to get her out of that situation. Last night something major was supposed to be going down with his business so she knew he would be out of the house. We were packing up her things but he must have found out because he knew I was there. I had her ring so he cut off my hand.'

Emma makes a few notes but otherwise listens intently as Killian explains the events of last night. She had guessed the affair and anger part, but the rest embellished the situation helpfully.

'Do you know anything about the business itself? Or anything specific on Gold?' Emma asks, looking at the ring and contemplating whether to pass it down to him.

'Gold runs the whole thing. When Milah first told me she said he works for the company, but then she admitted he runs it. He's got ties in South America and Europe, and last night they were supposed to be getting in a shipment of cocaine they'd been waiting on a while. I don't know the ins and outs of the business but I do know that they pay off some guy that works at the waterfront to keep quiet.' Killian tells her and she makes note of the information.

Emma's phone suddenly rings and she answers it quickly. She'd called her boss earlier to tell her about last night and give her the license plate of Gold's car and the information she had so far. The only thing she had left out was that Killian Jones, their witness slash victim slash possible criminal himself had stayed at her place. Regina would only lecture her on how stupid and reckless it was and Emma didn't need to deal with that right now.

The phone call is short; Emma didn't want to share what Killian had told her just yet and Regina only had one piece of news. Killian is looking at her curiously and she bites her lip.

'They found Gold's car abandoned around 7am in the parking lot of a Chinese restaurant. There was no sign of him but…Milah's body was in the front seat, she had been shot. Killian, I'm so sorry.' Emma says genuinely, swallowing thickly as she watches him take in the news. The colour he had gained starts to fade again as his eyes well up and he shakes his head. All he says is 'no' repeatedly and Emma watches him awkwardly.

He lifts his injured arm up and starts banging it on the table until he screams in pain and she moves to stop him, pinning the arm down as he resists.

'Killian, please don't hurt yourself any further.' She murmurs, even though her words mean nothing to him right now. He stops suddenly and she looks over at his face. He looks broken, like he wants to give up and not care anymore and she kneels down and hugs him, not caring about barely knowing him right now as he cries into her hair.

Emma wonders if perhaps it was her fault Milah was dead right now. If she hadn't have let her go with him (or let Gold go at all) maybe she would still be alive. She stops herself thinking that way though; as a cop situations like that happen and she can't always save everyone. But even so, the grieving stranger leaning against her still makes her stomach drop with guilt.

His crying subsides after a while and Emma pulls away gently, wincing as she notices the blood seeping through his bandages.

'Can I change your bandages?' She asks quietly and he nods, wiping his eyes with his good hand. Emma prepares the medical supplies while Killian recovers from his initial reaction, lifting up his arm for her silently as she takes off the bloody material. She brushes away the blood with sterile wipes, muttering an apology when Killian hisses from the pain. Once the fresh cloth is secured around Killian's wrist she looks at his face, surprised to see his eyes closed. Emma reaches to place her hand over his and he opens his eyes in shock, the blue vivid as he looks at her questioningly.

'Whatever it takes, I'll take him down.' Emma says quietly. It's her job to stop Gold but when Killian nods she knows he understands that this isn't just about her professional obligation. Emma stands up to discard the old bandages, staring at the blood longer than necessary when she dumps them in the garbage bin. Blood has never bothered her before but for some reason she feels light headed at the sight and leans against the kitchen counter with her eyes closed until her wooziness subsides.

'Swan?' Killian says softly and she opens her eyes to see him looking at her with concern. Her mild headache is nothing compared to his ordeal of a missing hand and a dead girlfriend and she brings herself back to reality, sliding back into the seat opposite him at the table.

'I forgot to ask, is there anyone I can call? For you, I mean. Do you have any friends or family that you'd like to be with?' Emma has her pen and paper ready for names and numbers but Killian simply shakes his head and she puts the pen back down slowly.

'What about your place? Do you want to go home?' Emma asks, unsure what else to say right now. She's never handled loss very well.

'Trying to get rid of me, Detective?' Killian replies lightly, a hint of a smile on his lips when he looks up, although it appears more self-deprecating than anything else. Emma gives him a tight smile of her own before shaking her head, watching the way his eyes always end up back at his wrist.

'No, I just want to help you.' The sentiment is genuine; despite her initial irritation at being the one to deal with this case, Emma has found that she truly wants to help Killian pull through all of this.

'You've already helped me enough.' Killian says quietly, lifting his bandaged arm as evidence of her aid.

'I was hardly going to leave you bleeding in the middle of the street. But if you don't have anyone…I don't want you to deal with all of this by yourself.' She sees something in Killian's expression that she can't pinpoint, a flash of some emotion she's unsure of before he shrugs and smiles with a lack of energy.

'I'm used to it, love. I'm better on my own.' Killian tells her and she feels like he's punched her in the stomach. The way he smiles so self-deprecatingly, the way he rejects her help with claims of being better off alone, the way his eyes tell a different story. It's all so painfully familiar.

Emma stands up suddenly and heads to the front door, putting on her boots and leather jacket.

'Where are you going?' Killian asks, confused as he turns to face her.

'We are going to your place. You're going to take a shower and get some of your things and bring them here. Like you said last night, Gold probably knows where you live and right now we don't know where he is or what his next move is. Until we do, you're staying with me.' Emma surprises herself with her sudden invitation to extend his stay but Killian's face is full of shock and she rolls her eyes and picks up her keys.

'I'm a cop, I can find out where you live and break in or you can come with me and get your things yourself.' She adds and he stands but doesn't look convinced.

'Detective Swan, I'm grateful for what you've done for me but I don't wish to inconvenience you any further.' Killian shakes his head and she sighs.

'Look Jones, you refused medical help and you'll probably refuse the safe house the precinct can offer you as well. I can't just let you go home knowing you're a target for Gold. Believe me, it's much more of an inconvenience for me to worry about another person getting hurt because of that man than to have you stay here for a while.' For a spur of the moment decision she's rather hell-bend on making him agree to it but it seems like the most reasonable option for now.

'Okay, fine. But I'll take the sofa, it's hardly right to put you out of your own bed again.' Killian murmurs, scratching his ear and making an awkward face. Emma scoffs and he freezes, his arm mid-air as he looks at her.

'You being in my bed was a one-time thing, Jones.' She doesn't mean it to sound so flirtatious; he's just lost his girlfriend for crying out loud. She's about to apologize but Killian hums humorously as he walks towards her, putting on his shoes and getting his jacket from the hook beside the door. His smile fades as he struggles with both actions and she puts her hand on his arm when he huffs with frustration at the pain and difficulty of getting his bandaged wrist through the sleeve of his jacket.

'You're going to have to be patient with yourself.' Emma tells him softly, guiding his arm through gently. Killian doesn't respond and she looks up to see him crying silently.

'I just feel like giving up.' He whispers and Emma bites down on her lip to stop her own tears forming.

'Hey, I totally get it, but I can't let you do that.' She replies, giving his arm a quick squeeze and stepping back. She knows all too well what it's like to fall in love with someone in a bad situation and end up been dragged down with them, although she assumes Milah didn't betray Killian like Neal did her. Regardless, Killian is clearly in a bad place and she can't just leave him to pick up the pieces alone.

'That's what my brother said when I wanted to quit college.' Killian murmurs, a twitch of his lips at the obviously fond memory.

'You have a brother?' Emma asks casually, watching the brief flicker of light in Killian's eyes fade.

'Had.' Is all Killian responds, stepping around her to the front door. He leaves the door open as he walks down the hallway and Emma quickly locks it and follows him, careful to stay on his right side and not bump his other arm.

'You never told me your first name.' Killian remarks as she helps him into her car. Getting his seat belt on wasn't as difficult as last night but it still causes some discomfort and she winces when he flinches at the pain.

'It's Emma.' She says once he's more comfortable, closing the door and walking around to the driver's side. Killian already has the heater on and he looks awful in this light, his face pinched in pain and his shoulders hunched as he shivers. Emma had only considered going to his place a good thing, but she hadn't considered that perhaps there were things there that would remind him of Milah. She thinks that's definitely the case when Killian turns his head to look out the window after giving her his address. His face may be hidden but she can still see his shoulders shaking as he cries silently.

* * *

Emma is a cop, it's in her nature to be observant, but she has to admit she's honestly just being nosy as she looks around Killian's apartment. It's a little smaller than her own but has character and plenty of books which she likes. It's clean with the odd shirt and used mug lying around but it's lived in and homely.

The shower suddenly starts up in the bathroom and Emma takes the opportunity to snoop further. There's a picture on the coffee table of Killian and Milah together and one of Killian and a man she assumes was his brother. A miniature ship sits in the window beside a plant that's seen better days and a stack of worn books that look centuries old.

Everything is so normal that it makes her mourn Killian's old life for him. Sure, his business needed a pick up and his girlfriend was married to a criminal, but at least she was alive and they were planning to get her out. Emma sits down on the couch and picks up the crime novel on the coffee table. A piece of paper lies three quarters of the way through the pages and she glances at the handwritten words. At the top the words 'hope is a waking dream' are written followed by what Emma assumes to be a bucket list. Travelling, learning a new language, getting married and having children are listed, but it isn't until the last one that Emma sees something personal to Killian.

 _Renovate Liam's old boat_ is at the bottom of the page and Emma smiles sadly. She hears a noise and puts the book back quickly in case Killian comes out and doesn't wish for her to read his list but the shower is still running and she frowns.

The noise is coming from outside the front door and she inhales, touching the gun at her hip for security. It seems Killian was right, Gold does know where he lives. Standing behind the door she waits, her heart hammering in her chest. The door slams open, almost hitting her in her hiding place. Two men walk in and she inhales, lifting out her gun and hitting the closest man on the head with it. He falls and the other turns to face her, a shocked expression on his face before he points his own gun at her.

'Didn't take Jones long to find another woman.' The man snarls and Emma shots him in the leg. He cries out in pain and she knocks away his gun, picking it up and pointing both at him as he whimpers on the floor.

'Where is Gold?' She demands, but the man grins and shakes his head despite the pain he's in.

'Like I'm going to tell you anything.' He replies and she believes him, at least for now. She sends a quick message to Regina to send a team over and with a watchful eye on the two men on the floor she walks towards the bedroom. The shower turns off and she looks around Killian's room, gathering random things into the bag he had half prepared on the bed.

Emma is just about to bang on the bathroom door when Killian exits, a towel wrapped around himself and his arm awkwardly positioned at his hip. His eyes are wide with shock but she shakes her head.

'They found you. Cops are on their way to deal with them but more of them might be on the way too, we need to leave.' Emma thrusts some clothes at him and marches back out of the bedroom, glad to see both men still lying on the floor, one knocked out cold and the other bleeding and in sufficient pain to keep him down.

'So Jones got himself a cop.' He laughs darkly and Emma grits her teeth as she restrains herself from shooting him again.

'Do you have a husband as well? That seems to be his type.' The man continues, a remark that makes her scowl but she otherwise ignores it. Killian emerges from the bedroom and before Gold's man can say anything more she punches him in the face.

'Let's go.' Emma mutters, making sure Killian is behind her when she leaves the apartment briskly.

'Swan, you shot the guy.' Killian says as he hurries to catch up to her and she shrugs.

'Self defense. Anyway, they're Gold's men which means they're probably part of the drug business too. My team will have a field day interrogating them, maybe even contact the FBI now that we have something substantial.' Emma replies, stopping suddenly when they reach the ground floor. Killian almost bumps into her and his expression mirrors the erratic emotions she has right now.

'They were watching the building, that's how they knew you came home. We can't take the risk that others are still watching the entrance. Is there another exit?' Emma asks and Killian's eyes dart frantically as he thinks. She realizes he's struggling with his duffle bag and his injury and she firmly pulls the bag away from him and puts it over her shoulder.

'There's a door round the back that people only use for moving furniture in and out, I doubt that will be under surveillance.' Killian answers and she nods, gesturing for him to lead the way. Usually the adrenaline of her job is strangely satisfying but this time Emma just feels nauseous with nerves and tension. It doesn't help that she's got Killian's safety to worry about now as well.

They make it to her bug and she puts Killian's bag in the backseat before climbing in, driving away as soon as Killian's seat belt clicks.

'I never would have suggested coming if I'd known they'd be right here. I'm sorry for putting you in danger.' Emma sighs once she's checked the mirrors for anyone trailing them.

'Swan, I believe it is I that has put you in danger by bringing you into my mess.' Killian replies. He sounds different as he speaks, stronger and clearer. Perhaps the adrenaline is helping him ignore the pain for a moment.

'This is my job, you didn't bring me into it.' She says, hoping it doesn't sound too brusque to Killian. He doesn't reply and she takes a moment to calm herself down. Her job can be crazy sometimes but she's never quite had to deal with a case of this magnitude. Emma tightens her grip on the wheel as she exhales, glancing over at Killian with concern. His stomach grumbles and she smiles when he cringes with embarrassment.

'I know a good place.' Emma tells him, changing lanes to head downtown. She pulls into a parking lot and stops the car, everything suddenly too silent once the engine cuts out.

'Detective.' Killian says quietly just as she moves to open her door. Emma looks over at him and he looks down at his injury hidden beneath the sleeve of his shirt.

'Thank you. God knows what would have happened to me if you hadn't have helped.' He says softly.

'I'm just doing what's right.' Emma shrugs, waiting until Killian nods to get out of the car. Killian still holds his arm awkwardly but he doesn't seem to be in as much pain and she's relieved. They enter Granny's little diner and Emma relaxes, the homey feeling setting in right away as the smell of food and coffee hits her.

She orders her usual grilled cheese sandwich with a side of onion rings while Killian gets Granny's homemade vegetable soup and some toast. Her phone vibrates in her pocket just as she starts eating, the tenth call from Regina in the past five minutes.

'You can take that if you need to.' Killian tells her as he stirs his soup but she turns off her phone and puts it back in her jacket pocket.

'It's just my boss.' Emma sighs before hungrily taking a bite of her grilled cheese.

'I'm sure it's important. You did just shoot a guy and flee the scene.' Killian replies lightly, making her smile as she wipes some cheese off her lips.

'I'm supposed to go to the station to write up a report and get your statement but I'm not really in the mood. Regina will question you mercilessly and probably lecture me about protocol. That's the last thing I want to deal with right now.' Emma grumbles and Killian laughs. The sounds shocks her so much that she stops chewing, looking up from her sandwich at him with raised eyebrows. It's not a full laugh with crinkled eyes or a wide smile but it was genuine.

'You're not a very good cop are you?' Killian jokes, taking a bite of his toast and raising a single eyebrow. It surprises her that she's catching glimpses of the person beneath the grief and loss, just a moment when he isn't buried under negativity.

'Would you want a cop that always follows the rules protecting you?' Emma teases, switching her attention to her onion rings. Killian's face suddenly falls and her stomach churns. She notices how he's kept his left arm down on his lap until now, resting it on the table and pulling up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal his bandages.

'If you had followed the rules I would probably be in a hospital right now, maybe even having my hand reattached, I don't know. But what I do know is that I asked you not to take me and you didn't, despite your better judgement perhaps. I appreciate that.' Killian tells her sincerely, clearing his throat before continuing to eat his soup, leaving his bandaged wrist on the table.

They eat in silence until they're finished, Emma getting a hot chocolate with cinnamon to go while Killian gets a coffee. It's strange, the casualness of stopping by Granny's for lunch despite everything going on. Killian retreats back into his solemn silence as they drive back to her apartment and she doesn't try to make him talk.

Once they return to the apartment she takes Killian's bag into the second bedroom. The room is sparse with furniture and decoration and she hasn't made the bed yet but it's better than him sleeping on the couch with his injury. Killian hasn't said anything more than a mumbled thank you and Emma leaves him to finally return Regina's calls, all 25 of them now she has her phone turned back on.

'Finally Miss Swan, I was about to fire your ass.' Regina declares on the other end and Emma just rolls her eyes.

'Are the two guys in custody?' She asks, looking at the notepad on the table with her scrawled notes from earlier.

'Yes, not without difficulty though thanks to you. They've lawyered up and want to press charges against you on the grounds of an officer of the law using excessive force. It will get thrown out quickly but it's delayed the actual investigation. Anyway, we could really use that Jones witness right now. Did you get anything useful out of him?' Regina demands like she's been torturing Killian for information all this time.

'He's given some useful information, yeah. I can email it over to you for now. He's not really in a position to come in and make a formal statement.' Emma says firmly, hoping Regina doesn't press the matter further.

'Unless he's dying he can come in. Fortunately for him however, we've got our hands full with Gold's ridiculous henchmen so we'll have to wait until tomorrow to speak with Jones. But I want him here at 10am sharp, Miss Swan.' On that note Regina cuts the call and Emma exhales, getting her laptop to type up the information Killian provided.

Just as she begins typing she hears a sound, something unidentifiable yet it makes her stomach churn. Once she realizes the noise is coming from the bedroom she knows what it is and her heart sinks. Killian is sitting on the bare mattress when she comes to the door, crying as he grips on to his hair with his hand, the other injured one curled on his lap. A pillowcase lies at the bottom of the bed, half stuffed with the pillow that's scrunched angrily.

'I was going to do it.' Emma murmurs, gently shaking out the pillow until the material fits probably.

'That's not the point!' Killian exclaims, not looking at her as he angrily kicks the bedside table. Emma isn't bothered about him kicking her furniture, or his anger, but the feeling of guilt grows as she considers the state Killian is in.

'I can't bloody do things for myself anymore.' He sighs, furiously wiping his tear stained cheeks. Emma moves to sit beside him on the mattress and lifts his injured arm up. She doesn't know how regularly his bandages should be changed or if there is something else she needs to do for it to heal properly and she feels almost lost in her confusion of how to help him.

'Maybe you could get a cool attachment, you know like Captain Hook.' She blurts out. Feeling Killian's eyes on her she looks up, noticing how bloodshot they are and the puffy redness of his face. Tears well up again but he suddenly lets out a laugh as the tears spill and she smiles nervously. She can't tell if he's crying more than laughing or vice versa but she holds on to his arm as his wave of emotions gets the better of him. He calms down after a few minutes, wiping away his tears again as he stares down at the rug beneath their feet.

'I won't be able to get my hand back now, but I'll eventually learn to manage with just one. But Milah…she'll never come back.' Killian says quietly. He is mourning loss of two different kinds but they hurt all the same and Emma can only imagine the pain he's dealing with.

'I'm sorry, I've been pretty insensitive to what you're going through. I can give you space if you want to be alone.' Emma replies, surprised when Killian shakes his head vehemently.

'Being alone is the last thing I want right now.' He explains, almost pleading with her. He looks so broken and tired and it brings memories back of her own lowest point. Perhaps if someone had been there to comfort her it wouldn't have taken so many years to piece herself back together.

'Is there anything you've been meaning to binge watch on Netflix?'

It's not much, but the gentle lift of his lips into a small smile is reassuring.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thanks for the follows/favourites and reviews, I really appreciate them!

* * *

Killian is grateful when he notices that Emma has left him the last slice of pizza. He doesn't know a lot about this woman but in the day he has spent with her he feels a fierce sense of appreciation for her already. Last night had been a kaleidoscope of emotions and sensations and burning pain, so much so that the events are almost hazy to him. The constant throbbing from his injury kept bringing him back to reality when all he wanted to do was pretend reality didn't exist.

The one time the physical pain wasn't at the forefront of his mind was when he found out about Milah and suddenly his chest ached more than any severed limb could. Milah had been the person to bring him out of his lethargic life, reminding him why he enjoyed reading and his passion for stories and adventure. He hated seeing her tied to that bastard Gold, hearing the way he treated her and how miserable she was. He didn't deserve her if he didn't appreciate her. Killian had known their plan to run had been risky; Gold is a dangerous man and could have followed them had they gotten away. He wishes he had fought harder, that he could have stopped her going with Gold that night and that he could have protected her.

The doorbell ringing brings Killian out of his painful thoughts and he looks up to see Emma frowning as she goes to answer the door. He's unsure whether she's confused or annoyed by the unexpected guest and he sits quietly as he tries to listen.

'Honestly I'm fine, you don't need to worry.' Killian hears Emma say, the deep voice of a male responding with something inaudible. He reaches for the last slice of pizza before dropping it on his plate when he notices Netflix asking him if he's still there. Trying to find the remote under the blankets with one hand proves to be difficult and he grits his teeth at the inconvenience of his injury. He finally finds the remote and deals with Netflix before grumpily biting into the pizza.

He's ten minutes into the next episode of House of Cards when he hears the front door close and Emma returns to the couch, holding a pastry box and a cup of coffee.

'Bear claw?' She offers, putting the box on the coffee table and curling back up under the blankets. Emma looks ready to fall asleep and his eyes begin to feel heavy at the thought of going to bed (and the peace from his pain and thoughts when he sleeps).

'Everything okay?' Killian asks, referring to her surprise guest. She simply nods and takes a drink of the coffee, making a face and putting the cup on the table.

'It was just one of my co-workers wondering why I didn't go into work today.' Emma replies after a moment.

'He must care a lot if he stopped by to see you.' Killian says casually, only half paying attention to the TV now.

'He knew if he messaged me all he'd get in response is 'I'm fine'. He's just being nosy.' Emma shrugs half-heartedly. Killian considers her response for a moment before disagreeing with her. He's almost certain that most men that make a personal visit with coffee and food at this time of night are interested in being more than just friends. Emma doesn't strike him as someone naïve and unaware, so he assumes she doesn't want to acknowledge whatever is between herself and this co-worker.

'Do you like him?' Killian asks her after a few minutes and Emma looks away from the TV with wide eyes.

'I only ask because I just lost someone very important to me. I was only able to tell her I loved her a handful of times. We hadn't been together for very long and I was holding back out of fear. Now that she's not here I realize I should have made the most of the time we had together.' He doesn't really know where these wise words come from; he's barely had time to process Milah's death let alone learn anything from the experience.

Emma looks like she's about to cry for a brief moment before she blinks and her green eyes return to normal.

'I know we don't exactly know each other that well, but if you want to talk about Milah, or anything, I'm a good listener.' Emma offers, skillfully deflecting the focus away from herself.

'I appreciate that, Swan. I could use a friend right now.' Killian smiles, even if every time he does it feels like a ridiculous betrayal. Whenever his mood picks up a wave of guilt soon follows, some part of him feeling like he shouldn't be happy after losing Milah and his hand and being driven out of his own home and into the house of a stranger.

'My boss wants you there at 10am tomorrow. I'm sorry to force you but she's relentless with this.' Emma tells him just as his eyes begin to feel heavy. He strangely enjoys this emerging state of exhaustion as it allows his mind and body to react to an essential need rather than his physical and emotional pain. He's vaguely aware of movement around him until Emma's hand is on his shoulder, stirring him out of his sleepy state.

When he shuffles to the guest bedroom the tension in his body eases when he sees that Emma has made the bed and put a hot water bottle under the sheets to warm it up. Killian murmurs a grateful thank you before climbing into bed, relieved that he's so tired he can drift off without thinking for once.

The following morning is a completely different story however.

He wakes to gentle shoulder squeeze from Emma, her red jacket the first thing he notices when his vision clears as he opens his eyes.

'Sorry to wake you, but my boss is expecting us this morning.' Emma says softly. Killian slowly sits up and sees a glass of water, a mug of coffee and a bottle of painkillers on the bedside table. He gratefully looks over at Emma and she smiles briefly before leaving the room. He doesn't feel as terrible as he did the previous morning, but his arm still aches and his head still pounds horribly. Killian swallows a couple of painkillers and begins getting dressed, aware that the process takes a little while longer now.

Emma looks restless when he finally leaves his room but she still smiles at him as she picks up her keys.

'How is your arm today?' She asks, sounding genuinely concerned. The woman tended to his wound and provided him with a safe place to stay and yet he still doubts her. It isn't necessarily the detective herself that he doubts, but he wonders why she would do so much for a stranger and why she's going out of her way to accommodate him.

'It's okay, it probably needs cleaned and changed though.' Killian shrugs as he picks up his jacket. He notices Emma hesitate beside him, clearly wondering whether or not to help him put it on like yesterday. She lets him do it alone and he's glad, despite the mild pain and discomfort.

They drive to her work in silence and he senses the tension from Emma's side of the car. He's noticed her looking over the black circles under her eyes several times in the mirror and exhaling every time. It isn't until she parks up and cuts the engine that she speaks.

'If you want to take a break or stop or whatever, just say, okay? Regina's good at her job but she's tough and doesn't really consider the fact that people have feelings. If you want to leave just say and I'll come get you.' Emma tells him. She probably thought her words were comforting but they just made the knot in his stomach tighten at the thought of being questioned by her boss. Killian simply nods and they head into the station.

'Hey, Emma.' The receptionist smiles, her eyes flicking over to him before she less than subtly raises her eyebrows questioningly at Emma. She brushes her hair off her shoulder and he notices a streak of red in it, as well as her red nails and lips.

'Hey Ruby. Can you let Regina know Killian Jones is here?' Emma asks the receptionist as he looks around the station. There's a weak attempt at a waiting area with a few uncomfortable looking chairs and a water cooler. Beyond the front desk he can see an array of offices lining the walls and Killian wonders if Emma has her own.

'There is some paperwork I have to do but hopefully I'll have it done by the time you're finished. Are you okay?' Emma asks him, her hand hovering over his arm before she curls her hair behind her ear and drops it down to her side. He nods and she smiles weakly before walking around the desk, heading down the hall and turning into an office. Killian is about to start an awkward conversation with the receptionist but a woman marches towards him, her pantsuit and stern face telling him exactly who she is.

Regina Mills introduces herself with little care for niceties, expecting him to follow her as she turns on her heels and marches back the way she came. He follows after her quickly and closes the door to her office behind him when she glares as she sits down in her chair.

'Mr. Jones, I need you to write down your statement regarding the events two nights ago. I'm aware that you spoke to Detective Swan but we need the information officially documented.' Ms. Mills says firmly as she pushes forward a piece of paper.

Killian begins writing, recounting what had happened that night and stopping once he reaches the point of Emma's arrival and Gold driving off. Regina looks over his statement before putting it down, pursing her lips together and reaching for the tape recorder on her desk.

'Now, can you tell me what your relationship is, sorry was, to Milah?' Regina asks and Killian feels his chest tighten at her casual delivery. Emma had mentioned that her boss was tough but to be so nonchalant about his loss of a loved one winded him. He tells her though, this time even more painful than when he spoke to Emma; at least she had been sympathetic and gentle to him when he had spoken of Milah.

Regina asks about Milah and Gold and why did he think Gold would kill his wife and did Milah really love him or did she just want to get away from Gold and it takes everything he has not to cry in front of her. The questions are insensitive and cruel but he doesn't fight them. The pain in his arm flares up and he drops his shoulders with relief when Regina is finally done.

'Oh Mr. Jones, one last thing. After the intrusion at your apartment the precinct can either set up security around the building for your safety or we can reimburse you for the hotel you're staying at.' Regina says, lacking any real concern and he frowns. She's clearly unaware that he's staying with Emma, which means Emma neglected to tell her boss their witness was sleeping in her guest bedroom. He decides to remain silent on that front and thanks Regina for her (less than sincere) gesture.

Killian returns to the front desk, hoping Emma would be waiting for him. He just wants to leave, to cry in peace and get some more damn pain meds.

'Emma is almost done.' The receptionist, Ruby, says lightly and he nods gratefully for her reassurance. He takes a seat by the water cooler, looking down the hallway where Emma had disappeared before. It felt like he had been in with Regina for a long time, writing the statement and answering her terrible questions, but it had been less than an hour. Killian exhales and leans back in the uncomfortable chair until the hard metal of the frame digs into his back.

Ruby answers a call and the water cooler gurgles, the clock on the wall ticks and somewhere down the hall a printer is spitting out numerous pages. The sounds are so ordinary yet they set him on edge for some reason. A door opens at the end of the hallway and Killian silently pleads for it to be Emma.

'Emma, please just consider it.' Killian hears someone say and he looks over to see Emma emerging from the room with a man. He puts his hand on her shoulder to stop her walking away and Killian can see the way Emma reluctantly stays put. The man's hand moves to tuck her hair behind her ear and Emma looks up at him, the exchange rather intimate for the workplace. Killian assumes this was the co-worker that stopped by last night to see her and he remembers that Emma never actually answered his question about her feeling towards this man.

His chest suddenly aches as he mourns the loss of his own affectionate exchanges with Milah and he can't take watching Emma and her co-worker anymore, throwing the door of the station open with frustration and sighing once he's outside. A wave of sickness hits him and he swallows repeatedly as the saliva builds in his mouth. The sun is too bright and the traffic noises too loud and he sits on the stairs outside the station with his head bent down as he tries to calm himself.

'Killian.' Emma calls a few minutes later but he doesn't move, a prickling darkness taking over his vision that makes him dizzy. He hears her footsteps as she walks towards him, aware of her proximity when she sits down beside him.

'Ruby said you just left suddenly. Are you okay?' Emma asks softly and despite his state he finds her voice comforting.

'No.' He replies simply, keeping his head bent down. Emma touches his arm, gently at first, perhaps testing his tolerance given that it's his injured arm. When he doesn't flinch he feels her hand tighten around him as she shifts closer.

'Come on, let's get out of here.' She murmurs a moment later and it's the best thing he's heard all day. She helps him over to her car and into the passenger side, concern tugging her eyebrows into a frown. Emma gently closes the door and he leans against it, using his arm to shield himself from the bright light. His head throbs and he grits his teeth though the pain, really wishing he wasn't conscious at all.

* * *

The curtains are drawn and the lights are off as Killian buries himself under pillows and blankets on the couch, groaning every so often from the pain. As much as she's worried about him, Emma does find it interesting that a migraine can serve as much pain as his severed hand. He hadn't said much on the way back besides mumbles of blurry vision and pain behind his eyes and she assumed it was a stress headache.

Emma tries to be as quiet as possible as she walks around the apartment to avoid disturbing Killian. She didn't need to know the details to realize that Regina had definitely been harsh in her questioning. Emma wishes that Locksley guy that temped a few months ago would transfer to their precinct so Regina could finally get laid and loosen up.

She considers reading a book or doing some of the paperwork she had lying around but she needs a light on and Killian is still sensitive to it judging by the way he is squashing a cushion over his face. Deciding to take a nap of her own, she curls up in the armchair beside the couch and pulls a blanket around herself.

'Why didn't you tell your boss I'm staying with you?' Killian mumbles once she's settled and she chews on her lip before replying.

'I take it she knows now then.' Emma sighs and Killian slowly pulls away the cushion from his face. The apartment is dark but she can still tell from the little amount of light that he looks peaky.

'No, I didn't say anything. She offered to provide security at my apartment or pay for the hotel she thought I was staying in.' Killian replies as he attempts to sit up. He holds his head in his hand for a moment before looking over at her and its clear he wants an answer.

'It's not exactly professional. Regina…she doesn't really like me. The case with Gold is a big deal for us and if I somehow screw things up with the key witness she won't give a second thought to firing me. I already made a mistake by not taking you to the hospital, I almost got you attacked, possibly even killed by taking you back to your apartment and I'm doing a terrible job of making sure you're okay.' Emma tells him, glad for the darkness to hide her flushed cheeks.

'You're the only person that's actually even trying so don't beat yourself up over it, Swan.' Killian groans as he leans forward to get the glass of water on the coffee table.

'Do you really have no one else?' Emma asks, watching him try to maneuver himself with his injury and aching head.

'Is it difficult for you to grasp such solitude?' Killian responds, but it isn't harsh or bitter, instead he sounds genuinely confused by her surprise.

'Actually I know a lot about it.' She shrugs simply. The darkness makes her feel more comfortable talking, like it's just a dream dulled by dimness and not reality.

'Do you want to talk? Everything has been about me for the past couple of days.' Killian says, attempting to laugh before stopping abruptly, the action clearly making his head hurt more. Emma thinks over his question, weighing the pros and cons of opening up. It sounds ridiculous (and awful) but given Killian's physical and emotional state since they met, she had been the more stable of the two. She's used to being the one with the baggage, the one with the walls and trust issues.

'I'm an orphan.' Emma blurts out, biting her bottom lip in surprise. She can't see Killian's expression and it's both unnerving and comforting.

'I grew up in foster care, switching from home to home until I was old enough to get out of the system. I don't know who my real parents are and I never really had a family.' It's been a long time since she's told someone about her childhood and it feels cathartic to share something so sensitive.

'I'm sorry. Everyone should feel like they have a family, even if it's just one person.' Killian replies softly. Emma relaxes into the armchair, a soft smile on her lips. She closes her eyes for a moment, enjoying the peace of the quiet apartment. Emma herself is surprised by the fact that she has opened up to him, but it's comforting to share with someone that seems equally lost, maybe even more so.

'I don't mean to be nosy but I overheard your colleague earlier. He said something about you considering something.' Killian says quietly, trailing off in the hope that she would explain. Emma sighs, looking over at him even though he isn't much more than an outline in the darkness.

'Graham wants me to take some time off. He said that I'm stressed and I need to take a break.' Emma replies with a roll of her eyes. Killian hums and shuffles on the couch, appearing to be in a slightly better state now.

'And you don't agree?'

'No.' Emma responds simply and Killian hums in response, moving the blanket and cushions away as he attempts to stand. She sees him wobble in the dim light and she stands up quickly, holding on to him to stop him swaying.

'You shouldn't overexert yourself, Killian.' Emma tells him, guiding him back down to the couch and reaching over to turn on a lamp. They both blink and squint from the light but now she can see him better and judge his health. He looks tired and worn, both physically and emotionally. The bruising on his face has faded to a light yellow colour now but his eyes are still dark with tiredness.

'Why does healing have to be so time consuming?' Killian jokes lightly and Emma looks at him with surprise. He's lost a lot, barely even has anything left and yet he takes it in stride most of the time. She's aware that humour is a tool for defense that Killian seems rather adept at using, but every time he smiles despite everything it strangely makes her want to be stronger too.

'It's a pain in the ass, right?' Emma replies, giving him a smile as she stands up.

'What do you want for dinner tonight, Chinese, Thai or Indian? All courtesy of the takeout fliers in the kitchen of course.' She adds as she heads to the kitchen for some water.

'You have this lovely kitchen and you don't even cook, Swan?' Killian asks, sounding offended as he follows her, seemingly stiff from lying down after his migraine.

'I make pancakes and the odd omelette.' She shrugs, grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She assumes most of his scowl is because of her rather than any pain and she snorts before taking a drink.

'I'll make dinner.' Killian says firmly and Emma almost chokes on the water with surprise. She's not shocked he cooks or that he'd prefer something homemade over takeout but she is surprised by his assertiveness on the matter.

'You'll have to help me prepare it of course.' Killian adds, lifting his arm up in reference to his injury.

'Okay, but first I have to ask you something.' Emma says nervously, biting her lip as she opens the freezer door.

'What do you want to do with your hand?'


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Thank you for the follows, favorites and reviews! It's Finals season at university and I've been swamped with studying so I apologize that this chapter is a bit shorter and later than I usually update.

* * *

After going through Emma's kitchen Killian decides to make lasagna, using the pasta sheets in the back of a cupboard and rescuing the onion, garlic and tomatoes in the fridge. Emma chops the vegetables while he prepares the beef and he can feel her eyes on him every so often to make sure he's okay.

He had decided to get rid of the hand. It had been left too long to be viable for attachment anyway, but it was more than that. Missing his hand bothers him numerous times during the day; his arm aches a lot of the time, he has less independence now and the things he can do by himself take so much longer. But his missing hand also serves as a reminder to him that Gold needs to pay for what he's done. Killian is in no state to fight right now but every time he feels himself get upset over his injury he thinks of getting revenge on Gold.

Emma had taken it the hospital for them to dispose of after questioning him repeatedly whether or not this is what he wanted. She seemed relieved to get rid of it but asked him if he wanted to come, perhaps speak to a doctor about possible reattachment. He refused without explanation and Emma nodded, leaving with the box containing his hand and telling him to call her if he changed his mind. He very nearly did. (He almost wishes he had).

They cook in silence and he appreciates the fact that Emma doesn't question him on his decision. The apartment warms up with the heat from the kitchen and Killian feels calm for the first time since the other night, managing to drop the tension from his shoulders and relax.

They share a simple conversation while they wait for the lasagna to cook, Emma asking him about his culinary interest and joking about her lack of skills in the kitchen. It's the first time they're not discussing anything serious and Killian enjoys the lighthearted nature of their conversation.

'Why did you become a cop?' He asks her casually when they sit down at the table to eat. Emma makes a face and he wonders if he's touched on a sensitive topic but she answers anyway.

'I got in some trouble with the law when I was younger. Nothing terrible, it wasn't even really my fault, but I went to jail for a while and it made me consider my lifestyle. Once I got out I trained and made my way through the ranks to get to where I am today.' Emma replies, giving a shrug as she bites into her food.

Killian senses that Emma is holding something back by the way she shifts uncomfortably and avoids his gaze but he doesn't press her for it, it's none of his business after all. They both keep the conversation at a non-personal level, only asking each other simple questions about what food, music and movies they enjoy. It's no surprise when Emma finishes eating first while he's only halfway through his lasagna but she remains at the table to talk, never once looking down at his left arm resting on the table.

He doesn't have many friends; he shares a common interest in literature with Belle and she's always helpful when she's working at the bookstore but they're not much more than work colleagues. Leroy is a great drinking buddy but they don't talk much beyond Killian's infrequent trips to the pub. Milah was his closest friend. He'd always thought that was a good thing until she died and now he feels more alone than ever.

'Is it okay if I talk about Milah?' Killian asks when there is a lull in the conversation and Emma raises her eyebrows in surprise before smiling softly and nodding.

'Of course.' She replies and he exhales shakily. He starts by telling her about the day he and Milah discussed classic literature and how they argued for hours about the ending of Jane Eyre. He thinks it's the day he fell in love with her, to see her so equally impassioned by characters and plots and the words on the pages of the novels he held dear.

Emma listens as he recounts stories of their days spent in his quiet bookshop and the memories remind him how alone he is without her, until he sees Emma smile warmly and the feeling lessens slightly. It's an odd feeling, to feel lost and alone yet have a stranger offer companionship. He thanks Emma more earnestly than before for listening and she shakes it off with a half-smile as she prepares to change his bandages.

'I agree with you by the way, about Rochester.' Emma says softly as she gently wipes the wound to clean it. He isn't sure if it's healing or he's just used to the pain but he doesn't notice any stinging or aching as she tends to him.

'You do?' Killian asks, looking at her as she attentively begins wrapping the bandage around him. Her blonde hair falls in front of her face and he watches her mouth when she licks her lips as she concentrates. Emma has been nothing but kind and patient with him, but he senses undercurrents of a tough exterior she's more prone to. She's an orphan that much he knows, but otherwise this woman is not much more than a kind stranger to him. Her green eyes are wide with surprise when she looks up to see him staring but she smiles and picks up the first aid supplies to put them back in the cupboard.

'I've been told I'm rather cynical about love, perhaps that's why. I never gave the character a second thought when I read the book in high school, but then I re-read it a few years ago and something about Rochester was different. I didn't find his brooding nature romantic or mysterious. Maybe it was because I already knew about the whole Bertha thing and the way the novel ends but I felt disillusioned somehow.' Emma explains as she returns to her seat opposite him.

Killian feels something inside him shift. He mourns the loss of what he shared with Milah yet he yearns to continue on these discussions of literature he used to love so much with her. These conversations were not something only the two of them shared but it was what brought them together. He looks over at Emma and her worried expression makes him realize he's been silent for a few minutes.

'Sometimes revisiting things we once appreciated can never meet our expectations.' He replies, not entirely sure what he means himself. Emma nods, looking over at him before sighing.

'I wasn't sure whether or not you wanted this back.' She says quietly as she slides over a ring, Milah's ring, across the table hesitantly. Killian picks it up, remembering just a few days ago when Milah had slipped it off her finger as they packed up her stuff ready to leave.

'All the time we spent together I felt terrible for being the other man in the situation, the homewrecker that was ruining the marriage. But when I found out who her husband was I wanted nothing more than to separate them. They didn't have any kids so it wasn't like it was breaking up a family, it was just getting her out of a bad relationship.' It's something he's rationalized for a while now, trying to justify his relationship with Milah and their plan to run away.

'You both had good reason to want to get away from Gold. He's a dangerous man, Killian.' Emma replies and he meets her eyes.

'Have you heard anything more?' He asks, but Emma shakes her head and he angrily pounds his fist on the table, the ring digging into his palms as he clenches tightly around it.

'Maybe I should act as bait, no doubt he'd love the chance to hurt me again. If I lure him out you can arrest him. Or let me kill him. I'm leaning towards the latter option to be perfectly honest.' Killian feels the anger course through him and it motivates him to act. But just as quickly as his emotions take over Emma is out of her seat and standing beside him.

'You really shouldn't voice your plans to murder someone to a cop.' She scoffs, perching on the edge of the table and looking down at him seriously.

'Anyway, you don't need to act as bait. Gold will be caught and dealt with. It may take a while, but it's better than you getting sent to prison for murder and letting him take away another thing from you.' Emma says more softly. He knows that she is right, but it doesn't lessen his anger any.

'A part of me wishes he had just killed me that night.' Killian blurts out, shame swelling in his chest when he sees Emma's shocked expression. She touches his arm gently, a slightly awkward move to comfort him but he appreciates it nonetheless.

'I just have nothing left anymore.' He whispers, blinking to chase away the tears welling in his eyes.

'I know I'm not much, but I'm here for you.' Emma replies. Killian notices her own watery eyes and his heart squeezes at her compassion. Emma is more than he ever expected.

* * *

A routine develops over the following weeks as Killian adjusts to his new life and Emma tries desperately to find answers for him. Gold has been laying low unsurprisingly and every lead she gets turns into a dead end. The two guys that broke into Killian's apartment barely gave any information and what they did share was useless, the warehouse they gave the address of already empty as Gold is clearly covering his tracks.

The case is a frustrating one, not just because of the dead ends and Gold's slippery nature, but because each night when she comes home and sees Killian's disappointed face she feels guilty for not doing a better job.

Three weeks after losing his hand, Killian agrees to see a doctor about his injury. He doesn't hide it away from her anymore but she does notice the way he shields it from the view of others and she wants to brush away the red flush of embarrassment that flares up on his cheeks. Emma is relieved when the doctor says good hygiene and care of the injury has helped it heal faster and she smiles when Killian says he has her to thank for that. They inform him about phantom pains and scarring but Emma notices how he nods but doesn't really listen.

They pay a couple of trips to Killian's apartment so he can get his mail and some more clothes and books. Emma wondered if Killian wanted to go home permanently but he seemed flighty and nervous as he gathered his things and she knew she couldn't let him stay there alone and paranoid.

It's a slow day in the office when Regina informs her of a new case she needs to take and while she's desperate from some field work she doesn't want to give up on the Gold case. Regina claims it's a quick one to work on, just while they wait for the case to pick up steam again and Emma reluctantly agrees.

When she gets home that night Killian has prepared roast chicken with potatoes and vegetables for dinner and she's selfishly pleased he likes to cook.

'Thank you for preparing this. I've had a particularly active day.' Emma sighs as they sit down to eat and she immediately regrets her words, knowing as soon as Killian's head whips up that he's expecting some news.

'You got a new lead?' He asks, holding his glass of water while he waits for her response.

'Actually a new case.' Emma replies, quickly continuing on when she sees his disappointed face.

'Regina wants me to work on it while we wait on the follow up for some stuff about Gold. She said it seems like a simple case so it shouldn't take too long.' Emma offers, hoping Killian doesn't feel betrayed by her. He nods and silently cuts into his chicken.

'I have to go talk to the suspect's family, they live in his hometown a few hours' drive from here. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me. It's a little seaside town, I just thought it would be nice to be somewhere else for a couple of days.' Killian doesn't leave the house much beyond grocery shopping and the odd stop by his place and she knows it's not good for him.

'A couple of days?' Killian says questioningly and she tries not to be dejected that he doesn't immediately welcome her idea.

'Yeah, well I'm not sure how long it will take me to find and speak to the family and staying there for a bit saves me from travelling back and forth a lot.' Emma explains, glancing up from her food to see Killian's reaction. He's still carefully trying to cut his food with one hand and while part of her wants to help him she knows he would hate her pity.

'Well then, if you are sure you wouldn't mind my company I suppose I could come with you. It's not like I have much else to do.' Emma flinches at his tone even though she knows his frustration it's not directed at her. She had hoped Killian would be pleased to get away from here. It wouldn't change anything or bring back what he lost but at least it could provide some relief from the monotonous days he spends in the apartment.

They eat in silence for the rest of the meal and afterward Killian retreats to his room to read, not saying goodnight before he shuts the door and turns the light off an hour later. Emma tries not to take it personally as she heads to bed herself, hoping Killian will be in a better mood once they leave town.


	5. Chapter 5

Killian isn't in a better mood this morning and Emma secretly regrets inviting him on the trip. It's a terrible thought and she understands why he feels the way he does but it doesn't make it any easier for her to deal with.

'I know you're technically working this weekend but try to take a break and relax, Emma.' Graham says on the other end of the phone as she takes the exit onto the highway. She quickly says goodbye and hangs up, regretting putting the phone on speaker when Killian exhales.

'Am I to assume your colleagues know nothing of my presence on this trip, Swan?' He asks as he looks out the passenger window and she sighs.

'Regina would kill me if she found out.' Emma replies, a fleeting moment of anxiety knotting her stomach as she considers the possibility of her boss finding out about their key witness in a significant case accompanying her out of town as she works another case.

'Then why did you invite me along?' Killian murmurs and she glances over at him quickly. Despite his sour expression she can tell he has been sleeping better recently and he doesn't seem to have a permanent expression of pain on his face anymore. Killian isn't necessarily in a good place but at least he is improving.

'I thought you might like to get out of the apartment.' She shrugs, trying to make it sound like she hadn't orchestrated the entire weekend trip to be a therapy session for him.

'You want to babysit me.' Killian replies, turning his head to look at her. Emma can't determine his tone and she glances over at him again, locking eyes as he continues to stare at her.

'Okay, not _babysit_ but I did want to make sure you were okay. I didn't want to leave and then something happened to you when I was gone.' Emma relents, shifting her eyes back to the road and wishing she wasn't trapped in a car with him and unable to leave this conversation.

'I'm a grown man, Emma. I've managed to survive 30 odd years without you.'

'That's not what I meant.'

'Then what the bloody hell did you mean?' Killian yells and she tightens her hands on the steering wheel.

'I didn't want you going after Gold and getting yourself killed!' Emma exclaims and she hates the silence that follows. She isn't sure if he finds her concern insulting or comforting and she decides to stare straight ahead instead of looking at him for answers.

'I did consider it. It's not like anyone else is trying to find him.' Killian sighs and Emma forces herself to refrain from yelling.

'Killian, I'm trying, everyone working the case is trying-'

'But that's the problem. This is just a case to you. When things get tough you can just take another case and hope a magical lead appears to fix everything. This is my life, Emma. I can't just bloody leave town and everything will magically be okay. I still only have one goddamn hand, the woman I loved is still dead and Gold is still out there getting away with what he's done.' She's not exactly pleased that Killian is angry but she takes this reaction over his cold silence.

'I never intended for this trip to fix everything, I know it can't. I just wanted to help you, that's all I've done since I met you.' On second thought, perhaps Emma doesn't mind this conversation. It's not particularly pleasant but there's been so much unspoken tension between them and she feels it starting to come out with their words.

'I never asked or wanted you to! In fact I told you I was better off alone. If you hadn't have helped maybe I could have had my hand back and killed Gold by now.' Killian bites back bitterly and Emma screws up her face in anger.

'You were the one that didn't want to go to the fucking hospital! Do you really think if I had left you bleeding in the middle of the street your life would be better right now? Or if I hadn't have stopped those guys in your apartment that day? You would have an infected injury and no bed to sleep in if you weren't already dead.' Emma decides to ignore the filter of sensitivity she had developed over recent weeks and it seems Killian is doing the same.

'So you think you're some great saviour because you helped me?' Killian retorts and she rolls her eyes at the ridiculous question.

'Of course not. I'm just saying that I could have left you but I didn't. I could have done everything a normal cop would do and then only check in when I needed something from you. This isn't just a case to me.'

'Then what the hell is it to you?'

'I don't know.' Emma replies with frustration and Killian doesn't respond. The atmosphere in the car is awkward and uncomfortable after their raised voices abruptly stop and Emma chews her bottom lip. Neither of them speak and Emma needs a break from the tension, pulling into a gas station a few miles later. She parks up and mumbles that she needs to use the bathroom, not looking at Killian as she gets out of the car.

Emma isn't sure if they're friends, not because of the argument but because the nature of their relationship is based on them being unsure and cautious around one another. Killian seems uncomfortable when she does things for him and she feels odd when he makes dinner for her and does the laundry. She knows he likes reading and she's told him about her interest in movies but beyond that the natural feeling of a friendship is missing. Perhaps that is why Killian hasn't warmed to the idea of her as a friend yet. She goes to the bathroom and stares at herself in the small mirror as she washes her hands, hating herself for the things she just said to him.

She returns to the car a few minutes later, nervously anticipating the awkwardness once again. Climbing in, she notices a coffee cup in the holder and she looks over at Killian in surprise.

'They didn't have any cinnamon for hot chocolate so I just got you coffee, I hope that's okay.' He says quietly and her nervous energy disappears.

'Yes, thank you. Did you not get yourself one?' Emma asks as she pulls on her seatbelt and lifts up the coffee cup.

'I could only manage to hold one.' Killian replies and her heart sinks.

'We can share. If I drink the whole thing myself I'll need to stop for the bathroom again and we'll never get there.' Emma says lightly, relieved when she sees Killian's lips twitch. He's tentative with taking a drink at first and she can tell he's watching to see if she will reach out for it to avoid any awkward bumping of their hands.

The drink is a peace offering, but something still hangs in the air between them and Emma doesn't want to spend the rest of the journey or the weekend at odds with Killian.

'I'm sorry. I am trying to be understanding of everything.' Emma offers once the coffee is gone and there is nothing to distract them.

'I know you are, and I apologize for my own outburst.' Killian replies softly and she nods. A small part of her had expected his anger to flare back up, as if she was provoking him to remember more things he wished to complain to her about. He doesn't though and she feels as if finally there is clear air between them. The rest of the journey is quiet but less strained and she even smiles a little when Killian shuffles in his seat to catch a glimpse of the sea as they drive towards the waterfront.

Emma finds the bed and breakfast she had booked the night before, pulling into the small parking lot around the back. There are flower pots and lanterns and a rustic sign outside the house and she can't deny that it feels like a mini vacation in a little, quaint coastal town.

Killian looks over at her and scratches his ear the way he does when he's uncomfortable and she remembers she never told him about this place.

'I found a bed and breakfast online last night. It's a twin room with a private bathroom.' Emma explains, hoping that alleviates Killian's awkwardness. He nods and she climbs out the car, gathering their bags from the backseat and locking the car once Killian is out of the passenger side.

The owner, Mrs. Patterson, is waiting for them at the front of the house, a smile on her face as she welcomes them and tells them all about the facilities of the house and the points of interest in town. The house itself is furnished rather modern for the rustic building and she's glad when Mrs. Patterson tells them there is Wi-Fi. She leaves them to get settled once they reach the room and Emma sighs when the door clicks shut behind her.

Killian is at the window, no doubt looking at the view of the sea and she takes the opportunity to take in the room. She hadn't really looked properly at the pictures online when she booked it but it was a decent price and had good reviews. The room is better than she expected, with no strange collectable items or frilly pink, antique décor. There is a small table in between the two twin beds with a lamp and a bowl of mints and a desk sits at the opposite side of the room with an information booklet and a vase of fresh flowers.

'This place is wonderful. Thank you for inviting me along.' Killian says softly, still looking out the window as he speaks.

'Do you want to go for a walk, maybe have a little look around?' Emma offers, perching on the edge of one of the beds. Killian turns to face her and smiles timidly.

'Aye.' He answers and she finally feels like she's done something right.

* * *

The fresh breeze and the smell of the sea comforts him as they slowly venture up the boardwalk along the coast. Killian was annoyed that Emma had invited him out of town in a clear attempt to watch over him while she was working but he relents and admits that he's glad she did.

Their argument on the ride here eased a lot of the tension but there is still something between them that lingers, he can see it in the way Emma hesitates before speaking to him and the way she is trying to keep everything civil and polite.

They make a brief stop for some ice cream before continuing their walk and he glances over at Emma, watching her as she carefully licks at the green scoop of mint chocolate in the cone.

'Did you ever do anything like this as a child?' He asks her and her eyes are wide as she whips her head around to look at him. Emma rarely discusses her personal life, particularly anything about her past. He knows she was in foster care but he feels strange knowing next to nothing about the woman he has been living with for almost a month.

'No. None of the temporary places I stayed were really family, they never did anything for me or the other kids. I've never really been on vacation or even a weekend away. This is sort of the first time I've done something like this.' Emma replies, her hair blowing around her in the wind. She curls it behind her ears and pats it down before focusing on her ice cream again, licking her lips as it softens in her mouth.

The wind picks up again and Emma sighs, asking him to hold her cone as she ties her hair up with the band around her wrist. She runs her fingers through it as she pulls it up, tightening it until it's fixed in a ponytail and not blowing as much. She smiles appreciatively at him when she takes back her cone, their hands touching as he passes it back to her.

Emma is beautiful. It's something he's noticed before but he's never really thought about it. He's noticed her green eyes but he never noticed the different shades depending on the light and her mood. It's the realization of what the stirring feeling in the pit of his stomach is that makes him clear his throat and continue walking, looking straight ahead and suddenly losing appetite for his own ice cream.

Attraction is merely biological. It doesn't factor in situational aspects that deem it entirely inappropriate for him to feel something for Emma Swan. Because it is inappropriate. And he doesn't really _like_ her in that way, he just finds her physically pleasing.

Killian dumps the rest of his ice cream in the next garbage bin they pass, rubbing his hand along his thigh to warm it back up.

'What about you? Did you spend a lot of time by the sea as a kid?' Emma asks and he wonders if it's purely conversational or if she really wants to know.

'Aye, I lived quite close to the coast in England so we went often when I was younger. My brother developed a love for sailing and even invested in his own yacht when we moved out here. He left it to me in his will but I didn't want to sell it so it's sitting moored in our old town harbour, unused and wasted. I would love to fix it up one day, I've just never gotten around to it.' Killian shares and Emma hums in response as she finishes off her ice cream, discarding the rest of the cone before speaking.

'I don't mean to pry but when did your brother pass away?' Emma says gently, scowling as she tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

'Coming up three years this July. He was hit by a drunk driver. Ironic considering his dislike for alcohol.' Killian laughs darkly. He often wonders what his brother would have thought about everything that has happened since his death: Killian's preference of rum now, his job as the owner of a bookstore, his relationship with a married woman, the fact that he's living with a woman he barely knows now that said married woman is dead and her murderous husband is a criminal. Liam was a much better man than him and would probably lecture Killian on 'good form' if he were still here. But he isn't.

'I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing him must have been hard.' Emma says genuinely and he nods before shaking his head and shrugging.

'Anyway, it's been a while since I've been able to enjoy the breeze of the sea and the sound of the waves.' Killian smiles, glancing over at Emma. She's looking to her left at the sea and he does the same, inhaling deeply and closing his eyes for a few seconds.

They stop at a bench and sit for a while, just enjoying the sights and sounds and smells that take them away from their reality for a moment. Emma laughs a couple of times when dogs that go by with their walkers sniff around them and bark. The scene is so light and carefree that Killian almost forgets everything going on in his life. When Emma returns to the bench after scratching a dog's tummy she's smiling, watching the owner and the dog walk away before turning to face him.

'I never had any pets as a kid either.' She says, as if explaining her childlike enthusiasm for dogs. He had found it rather sweet at first but now he understands her desire for things she lacked growing up and he feels something click in his mind. Perhaps the reason she has been so helpful and hospitable is because she didn't have someone to care for her in the past. Killian doesn't say anything to her but he tucks away the thought and reminds himself that Emma cares for him at a time when he has no one else.

'I should really go talk to that family.' Emma sighs and Killian feels his stomach drop with disappointment. It's not like she's ditching him; the whole reason she is here is to speak to the suspect's family. But this brief distraction has been nice and the moment Emma leaves and he is alone his mind will cloud over with dark thoughts once more.

'Can you go tomorrow?' Killian blurts. He considers explaining himself but he decides to stop talking, waiting for her response instead. Emma's mouth is open slightly and her eyes are wide but she composes herself quickly after her initial surprise and nods.

'Sure.' She replies, looking confused as she sits further back on the bench.

'I apologize, I know you need to work. I just…' He trails off, unsure what to tell her. Emma reaches forward and puts her hand on his arm, giving him a gentle smile.

'It's okay.' The tip of her nose and her cheeks are turning pink from the chilly wind and he wonders if his is doing the same.

When they both start shivering from the cold they retreat into an arcade with flashing neon lights that smells like butter popcorn. It's a Friday evening and the place is full of kids but they do manage to get the air hockey table for five minutes. He laughs as Emma's competitive nature comes out and he almost lets her win before deciding to sneakily attack with a fast shot of the puck into the hole. Emma frowns at her loss but smirks and rolls her eyes when he bows when the final score declares him the winner.

They play around on the coin machines and shooter games until a kid's birthday party bursts through the doors and with one look they both agree it's time to leave. They head to the diner down the street, ordering burgers and French fries and milkshakes. Neither of them say much as they eat but Emma smiles every so often and he finds himself doing the same.

It isn't until their walk back to the bed and breakfast that the day catches up with him and he realizes how exhausted he is. It's the first time in a while that he's had such a productive day and the first time in almost a month that he hasn't spent the majority of the day looking at the walls of Emma's apartment.

'I know I gave you a hard time for thinking that getting out of town could help me but I've actually had a rather nice day, Swan.' Killian admits once they're back in their room and Emma dips her head bashfully as she takes her jacket off.

Emma's phone rings and when he gathers that it is Graham he heads to the bathroom to wash before going to bed. Killian looks at himself in the mirror as he brushes his teeth, noticing how tired and aged he looks. He hasn't really cared enough to look after himself recently; his hair is far too long and his skin is dry in spots that need moisturized. The fluorescent light of the bathroom doesn't help his looks much either.

'Thanks for checking in, I'll see you in a couple of days, bye.' He hears Emma say through the door and he waits another minute before leaving the bathroom.

'Everything okay?' Killian asks casually as he puts his jeans and shirt on the chair at the foot of his bed. He doesn't usually sleep in sweats and a t-shirt but while he's sharing a room with Emma he decides to wear clothes to bed, even if it does feel a little odd as he climbs under the sheets.

'Yeah, it was just Graham.' Emma shrugs and Killian recalls the moment he had seen her share with her colleague back at the station a few weeks ago.

'I get the feeling Graham wishes he could have come along with you.' Killian shares as Emma makes her way to the bathroom. She stops at the door and glances over at him.

'Is it awful that I don't feel the same?' Emma asks quietly and he tilts his head and offers her a smile.

'Of course not. You're not obligated to return his affections, lass.' Emma chews on her bottom lip and glances at the carpet thoughtfully before remembering her intentions of going to the bathroom. Killian slides down in the bed and rests his head on the pillow. Emma's phone vibrates a couple of times and he glances at his own on the table beside him, practically useless from its inactivity.

Emma returns from the bathroom a few minutes later and he closes his eyes once she turns off the light and shuffles in her bed until she's comfortable. Despite them being in separate beds he's still very much aware of her presence in the room and he feels like he has to lie rigidly so he doesn't keep moving and rustling the sheets.

'Killian?' Emma whispers after a long, uncomfortable stretch of silence.

'Aye?' Killian replies quietly, his eyes open even though the room is dark.

'Can I tell you something?' Emma asks nervously and he tries not to turn and face her, instead remaining on his back and blinking at the black ceiling.

'Sure.' He hears Emma shift in her bed until he is almost certain he can feels her eyes on him.

'This…thing I have with Graham scares me because I don't really know what the hell I'm doing.' She admits and Killian's lips tug into a slight smile.

'I was scared about running away with Milah because it would have made it real. I felt like we could never truly be together until she was away from her husband and I was scared about that actually becoming a reality, even if I did want it.' Killian shares.

'But why? Why do we get scared about that sort of thing, especially if we want it?' Emma asks and he wonders if she truly expects him to have an answer.

'I suppose the more invested we are the more painful it is if and when we get hurt.' He sighs.

'But you loved her, right?' Emma whispers and his heart clenches.

'Aye, I did.' The silence is less tense between them as he shuffles in bed and closes his eyes again, wondering if Emma is doing the same or if she is still wide awake with her thoughts.

'I don't think I know what love is.' Emma murmurs a while later as he reaches the edge of sleep. Perhaps she had hoped he was already asleep and hadn't heard, or perhaps she wanted him to hear, he wasn't particularly sure. But the vulnerability in her voice makes him believe it's the former and her sadness nestles in his heart like it's his own.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you to everyone taking the time to read this story so far, I really appreciate it!

* * *

Emma had left the room before Killian had even woken up the following morning, leaving a note for him on the desk letting him know where she had gone. It hadn't taken long to track down the family but they spent a long time talking with her, mostly coming to terms with the fact that their son was involved in a murder case.

She had gotten some information from them and sent it over to the precinct, hoping someone would update her on the Gold case but she hadn't received anything new. The family had agreed to call her if their son returns home and while she doubts he will, it's a good excuse to hang around the area for another day.

She returns to the room early afternoon and is surprised that Killian isn't there. He had left his own note on the back of hers, letting her know that he had gone down to the pier. Emma freshens up in the bathroom and changes into a thicker sweater, knowing the wind will be chilly by the water. She notices how Killian's bed is made and his clothes at folded at the end of it. It's strange, but his neat behaviour makes her smile.

Emma walks down to the pier, stopping off to get coffees for both of them. It's a pleasant day, sunny with blue skies and only a mild wind chill. She likes living in the city but the atmosphere of this little town is soothing and she finds herself feeling light and almost carefree despite everything. She finds Killian right at the end of the pier, leaning on the railing and looking out at the ocean ahead. He looks deep in thought and she considers letting him be before she notices him shiver slightly, only wearing a thin black sweater with no jacket.

'Hey.' Emma says softly as she stands beside him, holding out the cup of coffee for him. Killian turns and smiles, squinting in the sun.

'Thank you.' He says gratefully as he takes the cup, the liquid now cool enough for him to take a large mouthful.

'How did it go with the family?' Killian asks, returning his gaze to the water.

'It was okay. They were helpful and said they would call me if they hear from their son or know where he is. It was tough telling them about the murder though, even though he is only a suspect right now it was hard for them to hear that their son could be involved.' Emma sighs, taking another sip of her own coffee.

They stand in silence for a long time, drinking their coffees and looking out at the sea. Nothing has changed because they're out of town but somehow Emma feels like she can relax, if only for a couple of days.

'I was saying goodbye to Milah out here. I haven't felt like I had the chance to with there being no funeral or anything. Her parents were gone and she had no siblings and she never had kids. I'm the only one mourning her death.' Killian says quietly, gently tapping the base of his now empty coffee cup on the metal railing.

Emma puts her arm around him then. It doesn't feel completely awkward now that they are more open with one another but it still changes their otherwise restricted relationship. Killian leans into her and she relaxes with relief, resting her head on his shoulder with another sigh.

Her phone rings a few minutes later and she eagerly picks it up when she sees Graham's name, hoping he has an update for her.

'Hey Graham.' Emma says when she answers, trying to not to sound too anxious. Killian turns to face her and watches her, clearly looking for any sign in her expression that she has received some news.

'Oh really? Why didn't she call me herself?' She asks when Graham tells her his reason for calling. She shakes her head at Killian, squeezing his arm when his face falls with disappointment.

'Okay, let her know I'm glad she's back. Yeah, I'm fine, just waiting to see if the family hear anything from the suspect. No, really its fine, I have all the company I need.' Emma tells Graham as he talks away on the other end of the phone. Killian busies himself taking their coffee cups to the nearest garbage bin, slowly walking back to her until she hangs up. He tilts his head questioningly and the sadness in his eyes makes her stomach churn.

'My friend Elsa returned from visiting her sister, she just had a baby girl. Apparently the baby loves to grab onto cell phones and break them so she couldn't tell me the news herself.' Emma smiles lightly, although her heart isn't really in it. Elsa is the closest thing she has to a best friend and she hasn't told her anything about Killian. It feels like he's a secret she needs to keep to herself and she has no idea why.

'So there was no other news?' Killian asks, appearing to already know the answer if his expression is anything to go by.

'Not right now.'

Killian nods and begins walking back up the pier, putting his hand in the pocket of his jeans. Emma walks alongside him, quietly considering how she is going to explain to Elsa everything that has happened when she sees her.

'Emma, I-' Killian starts, but her phone rings again and she apologizes before standing still and picking it up.

'Okay, that's great, thank you. No, you've done everything you can for now. Take care, bye.' Emma hangs up the phone and sends a text to Regina quickly, noticing how Killian had stopped walking too.

'The suspect contacted his family and told them where he is in the city. Regina can send a team to go find him and bring him in for questioning.' Emma tells him, exhaling as she tucks away her phone.

'Looks like your work here is done.' Killian shrugs, reaching his arm up to rub the back of his neck. He looks crestfallen and while she knows he's disappointed about the lack of development with Gold, she wonders if there is something else.

'I think so. But I could do with staying another night.' Emma says casually, noticing the way Killian's eyebrows raise in surprise before he clears his throat.

'Aye, well you did book the bed and breakfast for two nights after all.' He has a fair point but Emma thinks he understands what she means when he offers her a smile. They return to the room and Emma gathers a picnic blanket and the book she's been reading on and off for months. Killian gets his own book, the one she had seen on his coffee table with the list of things he wanted to do inside. She considers bringing it up but thinks better of it, getting a couple of bottled waters while Killian puts on a jacket.

They return to the beach, finding a quiet spot to lay out the blanket on the sand. It's only February, definitely not the season to be sitting out on the beach but they both enjoy the peace of the area and Emma knew Killian would prefer to be outside than cooped up in the room. They read in peace for a while, both consumed in their own novels. Killian takes a break from his own to ask her what she is reading and she sees the way he truly engages in the conversation as he nods and smiles, teasing her about her interest in fantasy novels.

'Well I am a cop, crime novels aren't exactly escapism for me.' Emma jokes, Killian's responding chuckle making her smile.

'What about you then, why do you like them?' She asks, sliding her bookmark in between the pages and closing the book on her lap.

'I enjoy them because they're both realistic and fictional. Forensics and crime scenes and detective work was a whole different world to me when I started reading crime novels so I guess I felt like I could be in a world like that without actually experiencing it. It sounds silly I know.' Killian looks away, his hand reaching to scratch his ear like he does when he's uncomfortable.

'Not at all. What's silly is wishing some of the fantasy worlds I read about are real.' Emma grins, pleased when Killian looks back at her with an appreciative smile.

'I think we're all guilty of that, Swan.' He replies softly.

They both return to their books for a little while longer, Emma stretching out to lie on her stomach on her side of the blanket and instantly regretting it, knowing she was likely fall asleep to the sound of the ocean. She jolts with a start when she feels Killian's hand on her, gently murmuring her name until she rouses. It's evening now, the pleasant breeze of the day now a cold wind. She feels Killian's jacket on her back and she tugs it off before sitting up, silently holding it out for him with a bashful smile.

'I don't know about you but I'm starving.' Killian says as he puts the jacket back on, his left arm barely a hindrance for him anymore.

'Same. I've been eyeing that Italian restaurant down the street from the bed and breakfast since we got here, you up for it?' Emma asks as she stands, dusting off the parts of herself covered in sand.

'Aye, sounds good.' Killian replies as he picks up the blanket and does the same to it. Emma holds their books while he folds the blanket meticulously and she refrains from telling him that she'll probably just shove it in her bag back in the room anyway.

Emma and Killian return to drop their things off and freshen up and Emma pulls her hair up into a ponytail to avoid having to wash it for now. She feels like she should wear something nicer than jeans and an old sweater to a restaurant but she didn't bring anything else with her and she's too hungry to care all that much.

The restaurant is busy when they arrive and Emma remembers it's a Saturday night as she scans the room of full tables and the crowded bar. Her stomach grumbles in protest but she ignores it and agrees to the 20 minute wait time that they're greeted with. They wiggle their way to the bar and Emma looks over at Killian in surprise when he orders two Coke and rums.

'You know what I drink?' Emma asks, her raised eyebrows lowering into a curious frown.

'I'm missing a hand not an eye, lass. I've seen you many a night knocking back a rum soda after work.' Killian teases and she rolls her eyes, realizing that she does do that frequently during the week (even more so after taking on the Gold case).

'Sometimes hot cocoa just doesn't cut it.' Emma shrugs and Killian raises his hand in mock resignation.

'Hey, I'm not judging. I've been known to have a drink or two of rum every now and then. I'd need a week to recover from my nights drinking with my friend Leroy at the Rabbit Hole.' Killian laughs with a shake of his head and something in Emma's mind clicks.

'Wait, you're Leroy's British friend he thought would come rescue him that one night I locked him up for being drunk in the street?' Emma asks, shaking her head in disbelief when Killian grins widely.

'Oh my God, he would not shut up about you. I was working a late shift and I put him in the cell for minor offenders at the station. He was convinced you would come 'rescue' him. I almost wish you did so I didn't have to hear his obnoxious snoring the rest of the night.' Emma scoffs and Killian nods.

'Aye, that's Leroy.' She notices Killian's grin fade to a gentle smile and she wonders if he misses his crazy drunken friend, knowing he hasn't seen him in at least a month.

'Small world though, eh?' Killian adds as he passes money to the bartender and nods appreciatively at him for the drinks. Emma twirls the straw around in her glass and considers the fact that she could have met Killian before and never realized. She's been called to deal with Leroy a couple of times and maybe Killian had been there too. For some reason she can't chase the thought away and she tries desperately to remember if she saw him in the crowd at the Rabbit Hole.

'Do you think, when this is all over, we'll still be friends?' Emma asks Killian as quietly as she can in the loud restaurant. Killian doesn't seem surprised by her question but he seems thoughtful as he swirls his drink with the straw.

'You know, earlier at the pier I wanted to tell you something. I was going to say that I think it's time I go back to my own place.' Killian replies and Emma's stomach drops with disappointment. It's not like he was going to live with her forever nor did she want that but by him bringing it up she realizes she doesn't want him to leave yet.

'I mean, if you're ready and that's what you want.' Emma shrugs, wincing at how callous her tone is.

'But I don't think I am ready just yet. And I don't really want to either.' Killian says, finally looking away from his drink to meet her eyes.

'If you're okay with me staying longer of course.' He adds and Emma bites the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smiling.

'I meant what I said before about staying as long as you need.' Emma says evenly, taking a drink when his gaze makes her nervous. His hand is suddenly on hers, cool from the condensation of his glass.

'Thank you.' He's already said it with his eyes but he reaffirms his gratitude and she lets her lips curve into a smile. Their timer buzzes loudly on the bar between them and Emma is glad their table is finally ready, relieved to have something else to think about besides Killian's sincere and achingly blue eyes.

'Emma?' He says gently as they head back to the front desk to be seated.

'I truly hope we will remain friends after everything.' Killian offers quietly. Emma feigns off the feeling in her stomach as hunger and tries not to think about how Killian has in some bizarre way become one of the most important people in her life.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** As always, thank you for the follows, favourites and reviews :)

* * *

Killian feels strangely conflicted when they return to Emma's apartment Sunday afternoon. It doesn't quite feel like home but it's comforting to be back here all the same. He unpacks his bag and prepares the laundry while Emma simultaneously returns phone calls and types up emails. The case sounds pretty much wrapped up from what he hears of Emma's calls and Killian is secretly pleased Emma's side case is over quickly.

He has been sneaking glances at her emails and case files lying around every so often, trying to catch a glimpse of any hint about Gold. He wasn't being dramatic when he mentioned going after Gold himself, but without anything to go on his own personal search for Gold won't go any further than the police search has.

Killian balances a basket of laundry on his hip as he leaves his room, just about to ask Emma for her own laundry but she takes another call and he waits. She nods and writes a few things down before hanging up, shutting down her laptop and folding up the piece of paper with notes on.

'Hey, so I have to go in to finish up some paperwork and stuff but I'll grab something to eat out so don't worry about making dinner for me or waiting up.' Emma says quickly as she gathers her things ready to leave again.

'Oh, okay. Can I get your clothes from your room?' Killian asks awkwardly and Emma looks confused before seemingly realizing he has a basket with clothes and detergent resting on his hip.

'Yeah sure, thanks. I'll see you later.' Emma flashes a quick smile before she's out the door and he looks on with narrow eyes. In the month he's spent with her he has never seen Emma so quick to go do paperwork. He doesn't quite believe her but all he can do is wait until she returns to question her on it.

Killian gathers her clothes from her hamper and heads down to the laundry room, glad to see that a Sunday evening is a quiet time in the apartment building. He sorts through the clothes, quickly putting her underwear in the pile of delicates like he hasn't already seen them several times before. Killian isn't sure why he offered to do the laundry when he first arrived or why he continues like it isn't a strange arrangement they have but the actions are ordinary and allow him to do something productive.

He can also do it relatively easy with one hand, which he supposes was the main reason he wished to do it a few weeks ago when his hand caused him plenty of grief. It's not that it doesn't bother him anymore, it does. It still hurts, it still hinders him and slows him down. But he's beginning to learn how to cope with one hand. Even if the marks on his arm still make his stomach lurch when he looks at them.

The apartment is quiet after he's spent the past couple of days in close proximity to the sea, the sound of the birds and water in the distance pleasant from their little bed and breakfast room. He makes stir fry for dinner, saving some for Emma and putting it in a box, just in case she's hungry when she returns. He watches The Princess Bride on Netflix when it comes up in Emma's favourites, remembering her saying it's her comfort movie but he's never actually seen it until now.

While sitting curled up on the sofa watching the movie he could almost forget the worries of his life. Killian has noticed that his grief comes in waves now. Sometimes he'll be fine when a sudden feeling of emptiness and loss hits him and his heart aches. He knows after losing his brother than dealing with grief is gradual but he wishes he could just numb it and never have to deal with it again.

Killian dozes on the couch, the movie long over and the TV on standby when he rouses. He hears the front door close and he glances over, relaxing when he sees Emma's blonde curls as she hangs up her jacket.

'There's leftovers if you're hungry.' He says, his voice groggy from sleep.

'I said that you didn't have to wait up for me.' Emma says, her back still to him and he sits up.

'I didn't intend to, but I fell asleep on the couch and just woke up now.' Killian explains as Emma pushes off her boots.

'Okay, well I need a shower and then I'm heading to bed so I'll see you tomorrow.' She says sharply and Killian tenses. She hasn't looked at him and her shoulders are hunched as she walks towards the bathroom.

'Emma.' He says as he stands to follow her, his stomach dropping when he notices that she is walking strangely.

'Killian, I just really need-' Emma murmurs but he stops her just as she turns the bathroom light on and he gasps. There is a dark mark on the left side of her face that looks like a developing bruise and her navy blue shirt is covered with patches of darker stains he is sure is blood.

'Emma, what the hell happened?'

* * *

Emma double checks that she put the right address into Google maps, glancing over the scribbled note she had written of the details Regina gave her. They had received a tip from a neighbour across the street from the house Gold and Milah lived in, giving them the license plate of a car that had pulled up outside the house, the driver entering before returning a few minutes later with various undetermined items. The license plate was registered to a James Murray that lives in a small house along a quiet country road, the very house Emma was now parked outside of.

Emma holsters her gun to her hip, refraining from holding it ready to fire as she walks towards the front door. This James Murray guy could have had his car stolen by one of Gold's men, he may not necessarily be involved himself and Regina had warned her this was most likely the case considering the increased amounts of car thefts reported since Gold went on the run. Even so, the fact that the closest neighbour was almost a mile down the street gave her cause for concern.

There is a car in the driveway and a light on in the house and Emma isn't sure if she's glad someone is home or not. Perhaps it may lead to some useful information on Gold's whereabouts, or at least his previous locations and movements. But it's Sunday evening and she really wanted nothing more than to enjoy a wonderfully prepared meal of Killian's and relax. Somehow she doesn't think that is in the cards for her tonight.

Emma knocks on the door, hand twitching at her hip for security. She hears noises behind the door until someone opens it, a tall man with rugged dark hair and a stern expression.

'James Murray?' She asks and he nods, the door open just enough for his head and torso to peek out but nothing more. She shows her badge, which doesn't seem to surprise him and a strange sensation begins to creep along the back of her neck. Noticing his eyes dart across her shoulder quickly she tenses, turning just in time to catch a glimpse of a man's face before his fist knocks her out.

When she comes to she can barely register anything except the throb of her head when she peels her eyes open. Realizing she is lying flat on her back, Emma wriggles and moves to sit up only for a sharp tug at her wrist and ankles to shock her out of her incoherent state. She's strapped to a table and panics when she can't move much more than her neck and shoulders. It takes a moment for her to realize that her shirt and jeans have been taken off and her heart hammers in her chest as she tries not to completely freak out.

'The Swan awakens.' A voice says quietly behind her head and she twists and tugs and fights the straps as hard as she can.

'Now Miss Swan, fighting will get you nowhere.' Gold mocks her as he moves to stand by her head, just out of her eye line but close enough that she senses his presence and it drives her crazy. She feels his eyes on her body and it makes her skin crawl.

'You fucking psychopath, what the hell do you want with me?' Emma bites out, turning to him when he walks around to her left side. His grin makes her clench her fists until her nails dig into her palms and she wants to vomit.

'While it's something of an inconvenience to have you investigating me, you're real worth is your connection to the Handless Wonder, everyone's favourite homewrecker.' Gold smirks and she feels her face flush with anger.

'How dare you. Killian is more of a man than you'll ever be.' Emma bites out, kicking her legs without much purpose beyond frustration given her strapped ankles.

'He's giving you the same act he gave my dear wife, Miss Swan. Do you really think Killian Jones is a man of honour? That this innocent hero façade is more than just a role he plays to mess with people's lives?' Gold says sternly, resting both hand on the top of his cane. Emma looks at him closely, really seeing his expression for the first time. He seems to truly believe that Killian is the monster in this situation and his inability to see his own actions makes the nestled fear in her chest grow.

'Do you care for him, Miss Swan?' Gold asks, his tone more gentle than before and it causes goose bumps to rise on her exposed skin. She doesn't respond and his smirk returns as he nods.

'I'm sure the feeling is mutual, and in that case, you're going to be a very effective messenger.' He says, gesturing to someone outside of her peripheral vision. The sound of squeaky wheels and metal upon metal makes her flinch, squeezing her eyes so hard a tear slips from the corner and into her hair.

It begins with a simple pinching feeling along her calf, a slight sting a moment afterward that is ignored for the next prickling slice of her skin. It is unpleasant but not what she feared, which is not at all comforting. Emma glances over at Gold, a look of satisfaction on his face as he watches his men slowly make cuts along her legs. She begins to feel the sensation of blood running down her skin and she closes her eyes, thinking of her conversation with Killian about fantasy worlds and novels.

If Gold means for her to be a messenger, he isn't going to kill her, at least for now. But it does mean that he has a message to give to Killian, although she isn't sure how numerous cuts on her leg does that. It's then that she feels a tight grip on her right arm and she swings her head over, watching as a scalpel is lowered to her skin. This time is different to the slices on her legs. This time something is being etched into her skin and a few more tears spill from her eyes as her body throbs with pain and she flinches from the touch of these strange men with grins like Gold's. His eyes remain on her the entire time and she swallows the bile that rises in her throat.

* * *

Emma's entire body shakes and he catches her just as her legs give way. Her shirt is damp with blood and Killian knows he needs to have a look at whatever wounds she has but she clutches the buttons at the front as if to stop him undoing them.

'It's just me, love. I need to look so I can stop the bleeding, okay?' Killian says gently and Emma nods. She starts unfastening her jeans first and he holds in a gasp when she shrugs out of them with painful winces. There are cuts from her feet to her thighs, some light scratches and some deeper slices, those ones still trickling out blood. Emma unbuttons her shirt next and his stomach lurches at the state of her. Her stomach is much the same as her legs but it's her right arm that draws his attention. The cuts form two words that make him glance up her, her eyes averted away from him. There is nothing on her left arm or from her bra upwards, but the little skin that isn't touched hardly detracts from the wounds that were inflicted.

Killian silently begins running water in the bathtub, making sure it's lukewarm so that it won't scald her tender skin. She stands by the sink with her left arm crossed over herself in an attempt to cover up and a lump rises in his throat.

'Did he do anything else to you?' Killian says quietly as he steps towards her, his hand hovering awkwardly when he notices her flinch. She shakes her head but he only feels mildly relieved. He waits in silence for the bathtub to fill, so many things going through his head. He wonders where Emma really went, not that that particularly matters right now when it's clear that wherever it was, Gold was waiting for her. Anger courses through him so violently he wants to be sick but he contains it to simple fist clenches and gritted teeth until Emma is cleaned up.

He turns the water off when there is enough, holding out his hand for her. Emma slowly climbs into the tub with her underwear still on and he thinks (he knows) they would both be blushing if it weren't for the circumstances that led to this rather intimate moment. She shivers and whimpers when she sits down in the water but doesn't say anything and he kneels down and begins lightly brushing a small, white facial cloth across her skin.

The water slowly changes colour as the blood washes off and Killian is hopefully that most of the cuts will heal well, only a few on her legs possibly scarring. He hasn't tackled her arm yet though, the one that rests on the edge of the bathtub with the bloodied words carved into it.

'Does it mean something to you?' Emma asks when he looks at it more closely and he raises his eyebrows in surprise before focusing on rinsing the cloth ready for her arm.

'Do you not know what it is?' Killian replies quietly, keeping his eyes on the cuts to avoid hers.

'I've heard of it before but I don't really get it. He said it was a message for you, so I thought it meant something.' Emma says in a strained voice as she runs her left hand across the cuts along her leg. Killian stays quiet until he notices the gentle splashes of the water stop as she stills and his stomach churns.

'Killian, what does it mean?' Emma murmurs, placing her wet hand over his to stop him from using the cloth on her arm. Killian looks up at her, the bruise becoming more defined on her face under the bright light of the bathroom and he wishes it would wash away as easily as the blood on her skin.

'It refers to the final act of someone before death.' Killian explains, watching Emma as she tries to understand the meaning of it.

'Is Gold threatening to kill you?' Emma asks and his heart clenches. He moves his hand out from under hers to tuck her hair behind her ear, wishing he had both hands to make this easier.

'He chose the phrase 'swan song' for a reason.' Killian sighs and he sees the moment it clicks in Emma's mind. Her eyes are wide with fear until tears form and she looks away.

'Can you get it off?' She asks and his hesitation is enough for her to tear her arm away from him and turn the tap on, the water clear compared to the dirty red colour of the water Emma sits in.

'I need to get it off.' Emma mutters and she thrusts her arm under the hot water, hissing with pain. Killian pulls her arm away and she fights against him, thrashing in the water that jumps up and splashes his clothes.

'Just let me-' Emma grits out and he tries to hold onto her wrist where there aren't any cuts but he's struggling to hold her back with one hand. She stops suddenly and curls over, her forehead touching her knees and her hair falling into the water. Killian releases her arm and turns the running water off, the bathroom completely silent. Emma had pulled her arm into the water but she slowly places it back on the edge of the tub, water dripping from her fingers onto the bath mat beneath his knees.

Killian takes the cloth and lightly dabs it across the cuts to get the blood that had dried already. Her arm is pink from the flash of hot water to her skin and he tries not to irritate it any further. He stands up and looks in the cabinet, remembering that he had left some bandages from his own injury in there. When he starts wrapping it around her arm Emma lifts her head, her eyes red and bleary.

'You may want to stand under the shower for a moment, just to rinse off the dirty water and soak your hair.' Killian suggests and she nods. He pulls the plug from the tub and helps her stand before scratching his ear and turning away. He hears Emma pull the shower curtain across and he picks up her clothes from the floor, chewing his lip when she tosses her wet bra and panties from behind the curtain.

Killian leaves the bathroom and shuts the door, looking down at the bloody clothes. He had forgotten to bring back the rest of the laundry anyway but he doesn't want to leave Emma alone in the apartment so he puts the clothes in her hamper for now, reminding himself to wash them first thing tomorrow morning. He changes out of his own clothes that are now spotted with dampness and returns from his room just as Emma opens the bathroom door, a towel wrapped around herself. She looks relieved to see him right outside and she quietly moves to her bedroom to change.

He straightens up the cushions and blankets on the couch and clears away his dishes from earlier while Emma is in her room. His arm sends out a painful throb and he swallows a couple of painkillers with irritation when she comes back out wearing a pair of loose pajamas. Killian silently holds out the bottle of pills and the glass of water for her and she takes them with a small smile that she quickly drops.

'Thank you for…helping me.' Emma offers sheepishly and he sways slightly on his feet.

'You would have done the same. In fact you did.' Killian shrugs, hoping his smile would coax another one out of her. Emma lets out a huff that seemed like a bad attempt at a laugh and he sees her bottom lip tremble.

'It's been a long day and you need rest.' Killian tells her, taking the glass from her hands and putting it on the counter as she watches him with sad eyes.

'Is it okay if, um. Can you stay with me, just until I fall asleep?' Emma asks quietly and his heart sinks. He's never seen her like this before, all timid and quiet and he feels a fresh wave of anger and hatred for Gold.

'Of course, love.' Killian replies and her lips curve upwards with relief. He follows her to her room, allowing her to get comfortable in her bed before he perches on the bottom. Emma flinches as the material of her pajamas brushes against her cuts but she soon finds a comfortable position, glancing over at him with a frown.

'You know it's more creepy than comforting with you sitting at the foot of the bed like that.' Emma says seriously and he can't help but chuckle.

'You did ask me to stay.' He replies and she rolls her eyes, her damp hair swinging around her as she moves.

'You can sit up here. At least that won't give me nightmares.' Emma responds and he nods with a smile, moving to sit beside her. Once he's comfortable an awkward silence falls between them and Emma sighs.

'I know what you're thinking.' She says, looking up at the ceiling when he glances over at her.

'Oh, you can read minds now can you?' Killian teases lightly but Emma gives him a look that tells him to stop.

'You're wondering where I went and why I didn't tell you. It was an address Regina gave me, the owner of a car that was seen outside of Gold's house. I didn't think it would lead to much but if it did, I wanted to surprise you. I thought you'd appreciate it if I told you after instead of getting your hopes up in case nothing came of it.'

Killian crosses his legs at his ankles, carefully trying not to tug on the comforter too much as he moves. Emma's motivation behind going tonight was so she could get information _for him._ She probably wouldn't have been in that situation if it weren't for her trying to help sate his desire for revenge. He thinks about the words on her arm and he swallows thickly.

'I want revenge on Gold, but not at the expense of another person I care about.' Killian says firmly and Emma pulls the comforter around herself.

'He knows that.' She murmurs and he turns his head to look at her, the dark bruise a stark reminder of what happened to her.

'What do you mean?' Killian asks, reaching for her hand when she appears to tear up. She jumps at the contact but doesn't recoil from his touch.

'He asked me if I cared for you and said that if you cared for me too I would be a good messenger.' Emma explains and Killian's stomach churns at the thought of Emma having such a conversation with the man he despises.

'He wants me to surrender. He threatened your life because he knows I don't want you in danger.' Killian sighs and Emma slides her fingers in between his.

'It may not look like it right now, but I can handle myself. This was a lesson I needed to learn to not try and do everything on my own.' Emma says simply and he frowns.

'Emma, you didn't deserve this.' Killian tells her firmly but she simply hums in response. She slowly relaxes as she drifts off to sleep, the events of the night catching up to her. Emma has nestled a place in his heart in the short time he has known her and it begins to ache as he watches her fall asleep. Their relationship is indefinable; she had offered him friendship in the weeks that they had known each other and he was grateful for her help and support, but now as he looks over her blonde hair and bruised face he feels a connection stronger than friendship that he doesn't even understand.

It isn't like what he felt with Milah, the giddy anticipation for her presence and the rush of adrenaline when they were together. It's strange, because it isn't the love he experienced with Milah but its intensity shocks him. He can't imagine his life without Emma anymore, that much he's learned tonight. Perhaps it goes deeper, like a part of his soul of something. Killian isn't sure what he thinks of feels, but he knows that he can't let Gold take away this connection he's managed to find underneath all the darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

Emma's hand begins to cramp and she's glad she's almost finished writing up her statement. Regina is sitting on the opposite side of the desk, watching her with heavy eyes, no doubt internally cursing her for being another reason she has to file paperwork. Graham sits beside her in silence and she despises his pitying look every time she makes eye contact.

When she's finished she exhales and pushes the paper towards Regina, placing the pen on the desk and moving to leave.

'Miss Swan, I'm going to need to take a picture of your arm.' Regina says with no real concern and Emma feels Graham's hand on her shoulder as he stands behind her. She shrugs away from his touch and simply nods to Regina, stiffly pulling off her jacket and rolling up the sleeve of her sweater. She still had the bandage from last night on but she unravels it and stares straight at her boss instead of the cuts on her arm.

There seems to be a hint of emotion flicker on Regina's face, her eyes quickly darting to Graham before she lifts her phone and takes a picture of Emma's arm. Emma wraps the bandage back around it, pulls down her sleeve and leaves the suffocating office, Graham's footsteps close behind her.

'Emma.' He calls and she sighs, turning and raising her eyebrows at him to silently ask him what he wants.

'May I speak with you for a moment?' Graham asks gently and she softens, nodding and following him into his own office down the hall. He closes the door lightly and she takes a seat at his desk, waiting for him to say something.

'We think it's best if I take over this case, for your own safety.' Graham says and she stands back up swiftly.

'No. This is my case, a little bit of danger always comes with the job but it shouldn't stop us.' Emma says defensively, crossing her arms across her chest.

'Perhaps, but this has become personal for you. This isn't just getting shot in the cross fire or your car getting broken into, it's a personal attack on you with a clear threat on your life.' Graham replies, stepping forward and placing his hands on her shoulders.

'I don't want anything to happen to you, Emma.' He adds and she sees the sentiment reflected in his eyes.

'I appreciate your concern, I really do. But you know I can't leave this case. You can take over officially if you have to, but I'm still going to work on it in my own time.' She tells him stubbornly and he sighs as if he expected her to say that.

'Okay. I will take over but I will share details with you, on the condition that you agree to not interfere with any developments.' Graham offers, dropping his hands from her shoulders and rubbing his forehead.

'Fine.' Emma relents with a sigh. Graham's hand suddenly cups her face and the gesture startles her.

'I wish I could have stopped this, or at least could have been there for you last night.' He says softly and Emma swallows thickly as her mouth waters with nausea.

'It's okay. I managed.' She thinks about how Killian helped her into the bathtub and washed away the blood, how he cared for her and stayed until she fell asleep (he was even still there when she woke up, wincing at the kink in his neck but his eyes full of concern for her). Emma considers Graham's words and her stomach flips at the realization that she wouldn't have wanted anyone's company but Killian's last night.

Graham opens his mouth to say something but Emma cuts him off before he gets the chance.

'Well, if I'm not on the case anymore and Regina gave me the day off, I should probably go home and rest.' She can sense where Graham's tender touches and affectionate looks are going and her first instinct is to run, particularly given everything going on right now.

'Okay, well I will check in on you later when I finish my shift and there will be someone monitoring your building the whole day.' Graham says and Emma wishes she could just speak up and say she doesn't want that (both his visit and the monitor) but she simply smiles and tells him goodbye.

Emma feels lighter when she returns home to the sweet smell of Killian baking in the kitchen and he walks quickly over to her with a worried expression when he hears the door close.

'I didn't expect you back so soon.' Killian says and she feels her bottom lip tremble weakly. Emma slides out of her boots and jacket before walking over and putting her arms around him, pressing her face into his warm neck. She feels his arms come around her, his hand resting on her back along with the gentle weight of his left wrist.

'Is everything okay, Swan?' He asks softly and she feels the tears gather in her eyes.

'I'm sorry, Killian.' Emma mumbles against his skin and her heart aches when he pulls away to look at her.

'For what, love?' He replies and she suddenly feels exhausted. Killian seems to be able to tell how she is feeling as he guides to her the couch and sits beside her, patiently waiting for her to respond. Emma sniffs and wipes away her tears, shaking her head at how emotional she allowed herself to get.

'Graham is taking over the case. They didn't think it was safe for me to continue working on it, although Graham agreed to give me updates. I just feel like a total failure, like I'm letting Gold get to me by backing out like this. And I've let you down because I promised I would take him down and I can't even do that. I get a few cuts and I freak out, God why I am like this?' Emma rambles, closing her eyes and exhaling.

She feels Killian's warm hand slowly cup her face and she opens her eyes again. Emma leans into his touch, the knots of anxiety and stress inside her loosening slightly and she can't help but compare his gesture to Graham's, and more importantly her reaction to them both. Killian's touch puts her at ease; it's comforting and makes her heart ache for a different reason, nothing like Graham's touch.

'You have not let me down, Emma. You don't ever have to worry about that.' Killian reassures her and she exhales again.

'You are not a failure. Perhaps it's for the best that you aren't working the case anymore. But you are not letting Gold get to you by making sure that you are safe. Gold wants to make people feel like they have nothing, like they have no hope and are alone in the isolation he has caused. Gold will never get to you when you have me, just like how he never completely broke me because I have you.' Emma feels her lips curve into a smile at his comforting words and he returns it with his own.

'Your reassuring speeches are a lot better than mine.' Emma shrugs as Killian moves his hand to place it over hers on her lap and he laughs softly.

'I made brownies, do you want some?' He asks a moment later and she drops her shoulders with a breathy laugh. Emma follows him into the kitchen, inspecting his baking skills as she notices a batch of cookies in the oven and the tray of brownies on the counter.

'I was angry, so angry that I had to distract myself otherwise I would have gone looking for Gold on my own. That's why I started baking all of this.' Killian explains as he slices through the tray of brownies to cut her a piece.

'Angry?' Emma questions as she watches him. His anger about his hand and Milah was perfectly understandable but it had been a month now and she assumed he would have acted on it already if he were going to.

'About what he did to you.' Killian responds quietly as he scoops the square onto a plate for her. Emma takes the plate and sits at the table, watching Killian as he bustles about in the kitchen, clearing the counters and putting away the ingredients.

'He's done far worse things.' Emma mumbles before taking a bite of the brownie. It tastes amazing and she licks her lips before taking another.

'That's not the point.' Killian sighs and Emma slowly pulls the fork away from her mouth after her second bite.

'This is really good.' Emma tells him, appreciatively watching the way Killian maneuvers with his one good hand. She know that it still bothers him every so often but it's almost like a skill he's developed in working with one hand and he very rarely complains. Killian turns to face her, leaning against the counter with a half-smile.

'I'm glad you like it.' His lips are curved in a smile but his eyes contain the anger he mentioned and Emma knows he's holding back to be polite.

'Are you angry with me too?' Emma asks and his smile fades.

'Of course not, lass. Why would you think that?' Killian moves to cross his arms but it seems to be uncomfortable for him and puts them back to down by his side awkwardly.

'Well I'm pretty much useless now that I'm not working the case. I can't give you information and now I'm just another thing you need to worry about.' Emma shrugs, finishing off the last bite of brownie and setting the fork down. Killian moves to sit beside her as she licks her lips and she wonders what he's thinking as his eyes look over her.

'It was never the information I valued you for.' Killian tells her, his eyes darting between hers and she knows he's telling the truth.

'You're my friend and I hope that this friendship can extend beyond the fact that Gold brought us together.' Killian adds and Emma chews on her bottom lip.

Killian goes back to the kitchen, washing the dishes and taking out the cookies when the oven timer goes off. Emma sighs and gathers all the files and papers she has lying around, assuming Graham would probably want them when he comes. She looks over everything and gets an idea, pushing the couch and coffee table out of the way so she has more space.

Emma organizes the documents into chronological order of sightings, statements and evidence surrounding Gold and the drug circle. She's looked over this stuff plenty of times but she's never gone through it in this way and perhaps she will come across something she hadn't picked up before. Emma turns over the picture of Gold that stares at her and sighs, her eyes feeling tired and bleary already.

'Did Milah ever mention when they moved to the city? It's weird that there are no records of Gold's past.' Emma calls over to Killian and she hears him walk towards her, stopping to stand behind her and look over her organized yet slightly chaotic layout of documents.

'I think she mentioned they had been here for about two years. She never said where they came from though.' Killian offers and she nods, looking over the documents about the rent on their house dating back to two years ago.

'You won't find anything new or helpful in there, lass.' Killian adds and she looks up at him questioningly.

'I may have glanced over it to sate my own curiosity.' He shrugs bashfully but she isn't particularly shocked or angry at him for looking at the files she had left lying around.

'I should have thought to show them to you. I guess it doesn't really matter if there wasn't anything useful in this stuff anyway.' Emma shoves the papers off her lap and sighs, slumping her head against the couch behind her. Her skin is still sensitive from last night and her jeans are tugging on a particularly painful cut on her thigh as she winces and stretches out her legs.

'Do you want to go to a movie tonight?' Killian asks and Emma quickly lifts her head back up to gape at him.

'If you're up for it. I just thought it would be nice to escape for a couple of hours.' Killian is massaging his wrist and she wonders if he is in pain too. He has stopped mentioning his injury recently although she didn't assume that necessarily meant it had stopped bothering him. Emma stands up and holds out her hand before meeting his eyes.

'May I?' She asks, reaching out for his wrist when he drops his hand and nods. She rolls up the sleeve of his shirt, almost certain she notices him recoil slightly when his injury is exposed but he otherwise remains still and silent. Emma begins gently massaging the tender skin with her hands, noticing the pink scars developing where Gold had sliced the knife through. Feeling Killian's eyes on her she looks up, glad to see an expression of relief on his face.

'A movie sounds good.' Emma smiles, massaging his arm a little deeper when he doesn't flinch. Her cheeks flush when she realizes how intimate this appears, although Killian seeing her in her underwear last night and washing her cuts in the bath was arguably more so. They hadn't spoken of it and she assumes Killian isn't even aware of how self-conscious she was. Emma had felt Killian's eyes all over her body last night and even though she knew he was taking in the cuts and blood and bruises on her skin, she felt personally exposed. No one had seen her that intimately in a very long time.

'Emma.' Killian says softly and she jumps when she feels his hand rest on hers.

'Sorry.' She murmurs, dropping her hands from his wrist and turning to clear up the papers from the floor. Emma senses him linger for a moment before he turns away and she exhales. Killian had not been thinking anything about her beyond her injuries last night, it was clear from his behaviour. But the fact that this disappoints her makes her stomach churn. With everything going on and the nature of their relationship the stirrings of emotions she feels are entirely inappropriate (they remain nonetheless though, settling in her chest stubbornly).

Emma stacks all the papers into a pile and puts them back in the folder for Graham, hoping maybe he will have a better chance of pinning down Gold.

'Has anyone gone back to that house looking for Gold?' Killian asks as they sit down for dinner (she really doesn't know how she ate regularly before she knew him).

'They went this morning. Only sign of Gold was the dead body of James Murray.' Emma replies and Killian is silent on the other side of the table.

'What did you mean by Gold wanting you to surrender? As in stop looking for him or-'

'Give myself up, as in for him to kill me.' Killian responds and Emma's throat feels thick when she swallows her pasta.

'But he probably knows you're here with me, he could easily find my address and come get you himself.' Emma murmurs more to herself than Killian but he hears and shakes his head.

'That wouldn't be half as fun as this game he's playing. It's not just about his desire to kill me, it's about the different ways he can hurt me before he gets there. Taking my hand was him acting impulsively out of anger, but killing Milah was calculated. He wanted to hurt me so much he was willing to kill a woman he once loved to do so. He gets off on the emotional pain he inflicts, that's why he doesn't go straight for the kill.' Killian's words make her shiver and she puts down her fork, losing her appetite.

'You don't have to worry about Graham taking on the case though. Gold will probably just ignore him because hurting him wouldn't affect me like hurting you would.' Killian adds and Emma slumps against the back of her chair. She hadn't actually considered Graham being in any danger as a result of taking on the case and she wonders if that makes her a terrible friend.

They head to the movies after dinner, an unsettled feeling sitting in Emma's stomach as they leave the apartment building. Just like Graham said there would be, there was someone monitoring the building in an unmarked car across the street. She lets them know she's going out for a couple of hours but they insist on staying to watch for any suspicious visitors. This should probably ease her concerns a little but it doesn't and she finds her lips are chapped when they arrive at the movie theater from her nervous biting.

There isn't a great selection but they chose the comedy over the action movies and get some popcorn to share. The salt stings her chapped lips but she eats it anyway, needing something to distract herself while they wait for the movie to start.

'Does it feel weird being here to you? With everything going on I mean.' Emma says to Killian quietly as the theater fills up.

'Aye, it does. But it's nice to step away from reality for a bit, isn't it?' He replies, shifting as he reaches for a handful of popcorn from the bag on her lap. He seems rather calm and Emma is taken aback by it.

'Does it not bother you?' She asks in surprise and Killian turns to look her in the eyes.

'I don't want Gold to scare me because that's what he wants. My life has already changed so much because of him, I just want to feel normal sometimes.' He explains and Emma nods, giving him a smile that he returns.

The movie is predictable with plenty of crude jokes that make her cringe but she finds herself enjoying it, even laughing a couple of times and Emma realizes Killian is right about stepping away from reality, if only for a couple of hours.

It's late when they return home, although the cop outside the apartment is still there and she gives him her untouched coffee from their stop at a drive thru. Killian offers to share his with her but she's too tired to stay up much longer anyway and plans on heading to bed as soon as she takes off her shoes and jacket.

Killian very lightly places a hand on her arm as she walks to her bedroom and smiles warmly at her.

'I know a simple movie can't help with what's going on, but I hope you enjoyed it all the same.' He says sincerely and Emma embraces him, closing her eyes when his arms come around her. Emma considers the fact that when they met she was so concerned with his well-being and now he is doing the same for her. It chips away at the walls she has around herself to have someone treat her in such a way and she takes comfort in Killian's arms. Even if it's taken everything that's happened to her to get to this point, she welcomes his affection and unexpected ability to soften her hardened edges.


	9. Chapter 9

Killian sits on the couch with his book, his lack of concentration causing him to reread the same lines. Emma is usually home by now and he feels a rising sense of dread as the minutes tick by and there is no sign of her. He's already cleaned the dishes and finished the laundry from the other night, having to wash Emma's shirt with stain remover twice to get the blood out of it. The shirt sits on the top of the laundry basket of her clothes by her bedroom door and it makes him grit his teeth whenever it catches his eye.

He's just about to text her when he hears her key in the door and he relaxes, dropping his tensed shoulders and putting his book down to go greet her.

'Hey.' Emma smiles as she shrugs out of her jacket and he's relieved to see that she seems happy.

'So I started my new case today and I got a lot done which was good. But then just as I was leaving Graham told me they have something new.' She says quickly and Killian raises his eyebrows in surprise.

'What is it, anything solid?' He asks nervously, watching as Emma checks her phone before walking towards the couch.

'It's a blurry CCTV image of a man matching Gold's description in the passenger seat of a car at a gas station about 70 miles North from here. They ran the license plate of the car and it belongs to a Belle French. Graham hasn't got much on her yet but he's working on it. I don't suppose you know her at all?' Emma asks casually, clearly not expecting a yes but Killian feels his stomach drop at the name. He sits back down on the couch and Emma does the same, patiently waiting for him to respond. He clenches his fist and nods before looking over at her.

'Yes, she works at my bookstore.' Killian replies and Emma's mouth drops open.

'Do you know how she could be involved with this?' Emma asks as he leans back on the couch, trying to process the fact that Belle was with Gold, most likely helping him escape.

'No. She was there when Milah visited the store a few times but I never told her of our relationship. I don't know how she knows Gold, but perhaps that it is how he found out about me and Milah. None of this makes any sense though, Belle is kind and sweet, nothing like Gold, how could she be involved?' Killian asks rhetorically, his mind working in overdrive as he thinks over all his interactions with Belle.

'Graham is looking into her, maybe there is something about her you didn't know that pieces the two of them together somehow. I know this must feel like a betrayal, but at least it's something, right?' Emma offers and he nods silently.

'I'm sorry, Killian.' She adds, reaching over to put her hand on his arm.

'I haven't been to the store in weeks. Maybe there's something there that can help.' Killian says with a nod, already thinking through the possibility that Gold visited the bookstore during his absence.

'We can go now if you want?' Emma asks, already standing up. She hasn't been back home for ten minutes yet and she looks worn from a long day but he doesn't want to prolong the search for Gold when there could be something out there that helps them find him. He nods and Emma gives him an encouraging smile as they leave but as much as he appreciates it, it doesn't help alleviate his stress over the situation.

They drive to the store and Killian can sense Emma is just anxious as he is to find answers. She never fully explained her reason for being invested in the case and helping him but then again she didn't seem to even understand it herself. There is a reason, she just hasn't figured it out yet.

The bookstore is dark and empty when he unlocks it, not that it was ever busy when it was open anyway. Killian turns the lights on and Emma starts looking around, although he suspects she's looking out of interest rather than for specific clues. There is a layer of dust on everything and the ashes need cleared away from the fireplace by the armchairs. He wishes he could clean the place up and get lost in the books once again but now isn't the time.

'This place is quite charming, I wish I had found it before.' Emma says as she picks up a book from the stack on the table beside her.

'No need to be polite Swan, this place looks like a dump.' Killian responds as he inspects the counter.

'I'm serious, Killian. I can understand why it was Milah's retreat.' She replies softly, putting the book back and walking towards him.

'You mean because no one else would come here?' Killian murmurs, meaning it to be rhetorical but Emma sighs as she steps behind the counter with him and answers anyway.

'I mean because it's cozy and comforting. It feels more like a personal collection of books than a store and it's welcoming.' Emma shrugs her shoulders and reaches to open one of the drawers below the counter but he puts his hand on her arm to stop her. She looks apologetic when she glances over at him and he realizes she assumes he doesn't wish for her to look inside.

'I just…why do you always try to make me feel better? It's not your job.' Killian doesn't mean it in an accusatory way, he's just honestly confused as to why it is so important for her to prop him up.

'It's what friends do.' Emma says quietly, offering him a gentle smile that seems all too knowing. He clears his throat and ducks his head while he continues looking around the counter for evidence and in his peripheral vision he sees Emma do the same.

'So what exactly are we looking for? Evidence that Belle knew Gold or that she was involved somehow?' She asks, looking through the drawer she had reached for a moment ago.

'Aye, just anything of hers that is suspicious. Maybe she left a receipt after going to lunch with him or something.' Killian suggests as he moves around rolls of unused price labels and bestseller stickers under the counter.

'Would she be careless enough to leave evidence lying around though? At least where you can see it. Is there a place she usually goes, like an employee room round the back or something?' Emma says as she closes the drawer and looks around.

'There is a little room beside my office that she puts her things in before her shift. Belle and Ashley are the only ones that work here with me and Ashley usually picks up shifts during her school breaks so the space is mostly Belle's.' Killian nods, leaving the now messy counter to investigate the back of the store, Emma following closely behind. He stops abruptly outside of his office and Emma bumps into him, gasping in surprise before apologizing. Killian shakes his head but stays silent as he steps into the office, looking around frantically as he tries to place what is different. He can sense the change but it's been a while since he's been here and he can't quite remember if this was exactly how he had left it.

'What is it?' Emma asks as she steps inside.

'I'm not sure. I just feel like something is different.' Killian murmurs, scanning the room for anything unusual.

'Killian.' Emma says softly and he turns to face her, his stomach dropping when he follows her gaze. There is a letter on the desk and it certainly isn't one he wrote himself. It's addressed to him, just his name on the front of the envelope and he recognizes Belle's handwriting.

'It's from Belle.' He exhales before picking it up, refraining from tearing right into it.

 _Killian,_

 _I wish I could have explained this in person but I never got the chance. I'm truly sorry for my part in this, I never thought Gold would actually hurt you, much less kill Milah. He came to the store one day, not long after Milah began coming more frequently. He told me that she was his wife and he wanted to get her something from her favourite bookstore so he asked me to watch her to see what books she was interested in. Of course I started noticing how close you and Milah had become and I made the mistake of telling him instead of speaking with you. I knew you were planning on running away with her and I told him you would be at the house that night. He seemed like a good man trying to keep his marriage together, I never thought he would do the things he did. He wants me to help him now and given what he has done to his wife I fear what he may do to me if I don't. He told me that we're going to a town called Storybrooke where he used to own a pawn shop to lay low while he is being investigated. We will probably already be there by the time you find this, but I hope this information will lead you to him so you can stop him. Once again, I'm so sorry._

 _Belle_

Killian reads over the letter, scanning over certain parts more than once before handing it to Emma.

'Looks like we have another out of town trip to make.' He says, not entirely sure how to feel about what he just read. Emma frowns and quickly reads over the letter herself, looking up with wide eyes.

'At least Belle didn't completely betray you. She seems to be acting out of fear, which is understandable.' Emma offers, folding the letter up and tucking it back into the envelope.

'Is Storybrooke even a real place?' She mutters and Killian lets out a surprising chuckle.

'God, I don't even know. I can't tell if Belle is being honest in this letter or if this is a trap from Gold, I just don't know what to believe anymore.' Killian sighs, the ache in his arm slowly resurfacing from the stress.

'We will figure it out.' Emma replies, and he feels warmth spread in his chest at her use of 'we'. He checks over the office and the room next door just in case there is anything else, although the letter is proof enough on its own. After an unsuccessful search they return to Emma's apartment, Killian clutching the letter to his chest even as he settles on the couch.

'Did Milah ever mention why she married Gold, what she saw in him back then? I'm sure he was different once.' Emma considers after ordering pizza. He's glad she was aware he wasn't up for cooking tonight.

'She had mentioned how he never used to be like this. In fact she said he was quite timid and reclusive until they moved to the city and he got a new job, the one that got him into the drug business I suppose. He started making a lot more money and Milah thought the power of it all just got to him. She believed the man she loved was still in there.' Killian says thoughtfully. Neither of them liked discussing him, not only because it bothered Milah but because it reminded them of their situation in which she was still married and they couldn't really be together.

'Crazy how we think we know someone but we never really know what they're capable of until they hurt us.' Emma says quietly and he looks over at her. She's sitting in the armchair beside him, her legs hanging over the arm and her eyes focused on the tips of her boots.

'Did someone hurt you?' Killian asks softly, watching the way her face changes as she swallows thickly and presses her lips together.

'We've all been hurt before.' She shrugs and he decides not to press it.

'So I googled Storybrooke. Apparently it's a real place in Maine. It's a really small town but there is a pawn shop under Gold's name that closed down a few years ago.' Emma announces as she shifts in the seat. Killian wonders if it's him she doesn't want to open up to or if she never really opens up to anyone. Regardless, she's very skilled at deflecting attention away from herself and he almost wishes he could push her further.

'Well we should head there tomorrow then.' Killian nods, frowning when Emma slowly moves to sit upright in the armchair.

'Killian, I have to do this the right way. That means letting my boss know and sending cops out there to deal with this. If we just go gallivanting out to Gold's shop it could get really messy, I could lose my job and you could get arrested.' Emma tells him firmly and despite the brewing feelings of anger and frustration inside him he knows she's right.

'Fine, but I want to come. Even if you leave me behind you know I will bloody hitchhike until I get there myself.' He says just as stubbornly and he can tell by the way her lips twitch that she knows she doesn't have much chance reasoning with him.

'You remain in the car the entire time, even after we've arrested him.' Emma replies as she folds her arms across her chest.

'Emma.' Killian sighs, to which she exhales and shakes her head.

'I know you want to kill him. I know that arresting him is not the justice you want. But I can't just let you murder him. Not just because I'm a cop but because I'm your friend and I don't want to see the effect it will have on you. You might think you want to do it now, but afterward, when you try to sleep at night and all you see is the face of the man you killed, you'll be more haunted than you are now.' Emma's concern for him is met with silence as he processes her words.

His plan all along had been to kill Gold. It's not like he knew what he was doing or how he would do it but he had never considered a scenario where Gold was still alive to be a good one. Sitting in a prison hardly seems like the punishment he needs, even if he does get a life sentence for all his crimes.

 _What would Milah want?_

Killian is ashamed that this is the first time he's actually considered that question. Everything that had happened was because he wanted to protect her from Gold, but would she really have wanted him to kill her husband because of it? She had loved him once and she had hoped that he would find his old self again one day.

The pizza arrives and Emma answers the door, quietly returning with the boxes and putting them on the table with a sigh.

'Sometimes what we want isn't always what is best.' She says softly, turning the TV on and saying nothing more on the matter.

They eat in silence, only speaking to comment on whatever trashy reality show they had found to watch. Killian glances over at Emma once they've finished eating, noticing how close her eyes are to shutting. He truly does appreciate everything she has done for him, but right now he really wishes he hadn't befriended a cop. It makes what he has to do so much more difficult.

They go to bed around 10, but when he notices Emma's light turn off down the hall he quietly laces his boots, packs a bag and waits. She looked exhausted earlier and he hopes she will fall asleep quickly, the anxiety building in his chest as he waits impatiently. An hour passes and there is no sound or light from the rest of the apartment so he makes a break for it, quietly creeping out of his bedroom. Killian holds his breath as he passes Emma's room, but a sound from inside makes him freeze. He puts the bag down on the floor and knocks gently on the door.

'Killian? Is everything okay?' He hears Emma ask and he frowns.

'Aye, I was going to ask you the same thing.' Killian says softly, hesitating before reaching for the handle and opening the door. The room is dark but he hears Emma shuffle in bed, sniffing repeatedly. She switches on a lamp and he blinks to readjust to the light before noticing that she is crying.

'Swan, what is it?' He asks, stepping in and sitting on the end of her bed. Emma wipes at her eyes and sniffs again, not meeting his eyes. She doesn't respond for a moment and he wonders if she's considering whether or not to open up to him.

'It's nothing, I'm just-' She starts, but he follows her gaze to realize she is looking at his shoes.

'You're leaving.' She states, nodding to his shoes and looking up to notice the jacket he's wearing.

'In my defense, I wanted to leave without you knowing.' Killian replies, smiling even though he doesn't mean it.

'That's really not a defense at all.' Emma snorts before wiping her eyes again.

'I know, I just…didn't want to hurt you.' Killian responds weakly and Emma shrugs.

'Right, because waking up to find you gone would have hurt me less.' She retorts. Killian looks away, guilt swelling in his chest.

'Just go, Killian.' Emma sighs and he clenches his jaw.

'We both know you want to. Nothing I say will convince you not to. If you go now you'll have a head start. But when I get there with the rest of the cops, I can't promise that I will be able to help you.' Killian exhales and looks at Emma in the soft orange glow of her lamp. Her eyes still show signs of her tears but she has a fierce expression that he appreciates despite her clear frustration towards him.

'Don't go, Emma.' Killian pleads and she tilts her head in confusion.

' _You're_ telling _me_ not to go?' Emma scoffs and he reaches for her hand desperately.

'Yes. Just let Graham and the other cops go, you don't need to.' Killian tells her firmly but she pulls her hand away from his.

'Are you serious? Killian this was my case from the beginning. I told you I would take down Gold and I don't intend on sitting back and letting everyone else do it instead.' Emma slides out of bed and starts rummaging through her drawers forcefully.

'What are you doing?'

'If you don't want me to go with the cops I'm coming with you now. It was my car you were basically going to steal to drive up there anyway.'

'The problem isn't _when_ you're going, it's that you're going at all. I don't want you to.' Clearly that was the wrong thing for him to say as Emma throws down the sweater in her hand and turns on him.

'I totally forgot _your_ desires dictate my actions.' She deadpans and he groans with frustration.

'Emma.' Killian sighs and she folds her arms across her chest.

'Do you really think I can just sit at home while everyone is out there doing something?' Emma asks more calmly and he steps closer to her, seeing the way she softens.

'No, I know you won't be able to, Swan. But I want you to be safe and it's entirely selfish but I don't want anything to happen to you.' Killian tells her and he sees fresh tears fill her eyes.

'What's the point in me being unharmed if you're possibly getting killed anyway?' Emma shrugs, reaching back into the drawer for the sweater as she turns away.

'Because _you_ will be alive.' Killian answers simply, a frown tugging his eyebrows down. He knew Emma would disagree with his plan to keep her safe but he didn't realize she would actually care so little about herself.

'You can go now. I'll come later with Graham.' Emma says with a tone of finality and he knows there is no room for any more arguing. She stops looking through her drawers but she still has her back to him and he sighs.

'I suppose I will see you there then.' Killian murmurs before leaving her room. He picks up his bag and lingers briefly, hoping that perhaps Emma would stop him or at least say something else. Killian picks up her car keys with a twinge of guilt and leaves the apartment, quietly closing the door and walking down the hallway. He's almost at the end when he hears a door open and Emma's soft voice calling his name. He turns to see her with her arms folded across her chest, her hands tightly clinging on to the sleeves of a sweater she had thrown over her pajamas.

'Please don't die.' She says and he shakes his head.

'I'll try not to.' He offers her a small smile which she reluctantly returns before going back into the apartment. Killian tries not to think about how that could be the last time they speak to one another.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Thank you for the follows, favorites and reviews, they're greatly appreciated! I had more time to write recently so I've managed to get this chapter done quicker than I thought, hope everyone enjoys it!

* * *

Everything feels like it's in slow motion as Emma's head pounds and her heartbeat makes her feel sick. Her legs are shaking as she walks down the steps from the front door, the sirens loud in her ears and the flashing lights of the cop cars and ambulances blurry in her vision. A paramedic walks towards her but she shakes her head, ignoring their concerned words. It isn't her blood on her anyway.

* * *

'Regina is furious with you.' Graham lectures from the driver's seat and Emma rolls her eyes with a sigh.

'I'm well aware, thank you.' She replies, internally willing him to drive faster.

'What exactly possessed you into doing all of this? You should have informed us straight away about the letter from French, instead you plotted with Killian Jones of all people and let him drive your car to this Storybrooke place while the cops trail behind.' Graham continues and Emma snorts in response.

'You're just pissed I found something before you did.' Emma replies and she can feel the tension radiating from Graham's side of the car.

'That's not it at all, Emma.' Graham sighs and she narrows her eyes at him.

'Then why does this bother you so much? I've gone off protocol plenty of times before.' She asks and Graham takes off a hand from the steering wheel to brush through his hair.

'It bothers me that you trusted a man you barely know over me.' Graham answers and Emma chews on her bottom lip as she contemplates her response.

'It's not that I trusted him over you, Graham. Killian is very much a part of this, if it weren't for him I wouldn't have even found the letter from Belle about Gold's whereabouts.' Emma explains, softening her tone as she speaks.

'So how exactly did you find it? Were you already with him?' She senses that Graham already knows the answer and her stomach churns as she realizes that this is the moment everything about the past month will come out.

'Yes, I was. He's actually been living with me.' Emma suddenly feels an ache in her chest for Killian and she hopes he is okay. It's been almost eleven hours since he left and he's probably already in Storybrooke now, maybe even confronting Gold right now. (Perhaps he is already in a dire position, but she tries not to think about that possibility.)

'What?' Graham responds harshly.

'I helped him the night Gold attacked him and it wasn't safe for him to stay at his place. We've become friends.' Emma shrugs, knowing that her casual attitude is only furthering Graham's frustration.

'Emma what the hell? That man could have been dangerous for all you knew. Is that why you cared about this case so much?' Graham asks and she feels him pick up speed as he drives on the highway, his hands gripping tightly onto the steering wheel.

'The case is an important one regardless of my friendship with Killian. Being motivated to work harder isn't a bad thing.' Emma replies and she hears Graham exhale but he says nothing more.

They drive in awkward silence until they reach a sign saying 'Welcome to Storybrooke' and Emma straightens in her seat.

'So it's a real place.' Graham murmurs and Emma smiles a little as the thought goes through her mind as well.

'Regina contacted the local sheriff. They're going to help with taking down Gold but it's a small town and they don't have many people so she's sent back up after us.' He says and Emma nods as she looks out at the trees lining the street as they drive into town.

She isn't really sure what 'taking down Gold' entails, most likely it's arresting him but he may not even be alive when they get to him. It makes her stomach churn to think of the possibility that Killian has killed him. Emma understands why he wants him dead, she's not particularly pleased about him staying alive either, but Killian would have a man's blood on his hands for the rest of his life.

Graham pulls up outside of the pawn shop along Main Street with Gold's name on the sign but the place looks like it hasn't been used in years, which she supposes makes a good place to hide. Just as they exit the car the sheriff pulls up in front of them and Emma feels slightly annoyed by his presence. He looks like a nice enough guy but this has been their case from the beginning, she doesn't really want to share the big moment of arresting their target with a small town sheriff if she's honest.

'Hi, I'm David Nolan, I'm the sheriff of Storybrooke. Detective Mills said that you are looking for Mr. Gold on drug and murder charges.' The man says, shaking hands with Graham and Emma.

'Yes, the investigation started with a drug circle that Gold was suspected to be leading but he's since assaulted a man, killed his wife and probably hurt plenty of others too.' Emma explains before Graham can say anything.

'Well, the pawn shop has been out of business for years and Gold left town shortly after closing it down but I suppose it's a good place to keep a low profile if he needs to.' David says as he gets a chain of keys out of his pocket and starts looking for the one to open the door but Emma presses her lips together and punches in the glass of the door with her gloved hand. Both Graham and David are looking at her with wide eyes but she ignores them and reaches her arm in to unlock the door.

'Gold hardly deserves to have us politely enter his property.' She comments and enters the shop before either men can respond. They peruse the items left in the glass cases while she storms through to the back room, caring more about the whereabouts of the owner rather than the trinkets of the store. Emma searches behind curtains and in cupboards, even looking under rugs for hidden entrances to a basement before realizing that Gold isn't here. She sighs and slumps against a table as she looks around the place.

Emma can hear Graham and David still in the front but its clear neither of them have found anything either. She notices the glass smashed in the back door and her eyes widen. Killian must have come here too, but besides the break in there is no sign of a struggle and she hopes that means she isn't too late for whatever violent showdown is going to occur between them.

She turns to lean her hands on the table behind her and her heart jumps when she recognizes Killian's handwriting on the piece of paper resting between a paperweight and a spyglass. It's an address, somewhere still in Storybrooke and she assumes it's the place where Gold is staying.

'I found an address, we have to go there now.' Emma says hastily as she rejoins Graham and David, practically shoving the paper into David's hands to see if he knows where it is.

'It's a mansion on the outskirts of town. It's been empty for a while but clearly Gold has invited himself in.' David nods and Emma tugs on Graham's arm as she heads for the door.

'Let's go.' She calls, Graham hurrying after her before she can get into the driver's seat and most likely damage his car in her hast.

David drives in front and they follow, Emma's stomach in knots as her anticipation grows.

'If we get there and Jones has done something we can't protect him, especially knowing it was premeditated.' Graham tells her softly and she just shakes her head in response. If Killian does kill Gold there will be no easy way to explain the situation and he will most likely be arrested. She certainly doesn't want that for him but it's a better option than him being the one to get killed.

'Can I ask you something?' Graham says after a moment of silence and Emma hums in agreement.

'When you went out of town, did Killian go with you?' He asks and Emma tries not to sigh and shift uncomfortably.

'Yeah, he did. I wanted to make sure he didn't go after Gold when I wasn't there and to be honest he needed to step away from everything.' Emma replies, the past weekend feeling like so long ago already.

'Doesn't seem like it helped much.' Graham comments but she ignores him, remembering the way Killian seemed more relaxed by the sea and how she had seen him smile more in those few days than the entire time she had known him.

A flash of yellow brings Emma back and she realizes it's her car parked outside of a large house and she sees David pull up in front of them. Emma is out of the car and ready with her gun as soon as Graham pulls up, ignoring the protests of the two men as she marches towards the front door. She really has no idea what to expect when she enters this house but she silently prays that Killian is still alive.

* * *

Killian narrows his eyes at the wine glass in front of him, suspicious of it despite seeing Gold pour the liquid straight from a bottle that he himself drank from. The fruit and bread rolls in front of him lay untouched too but it isn't just his wariness of getting poisoned that holds him back.

Killian had expected to fight Gold as soon as he found him, or at least expected Gold's men to restrain him as he entered the house. Instead, he had wandered through the house for a few minutes before coming across anyone. Gold had been sitting at the dining table, extending his arm in a silent invitation for Killian to join him. He was smirking of course and Killian knew that Gold thought he had the upper hand by him walking right into the trap. He was admittedly unsettled by Gold's relaxed manner and remains on high alert as he watches Gold work through the plates and glasses of food and drink.

'I always like to eat beforehand. It was Chinese food the night I killed Milah.' Gold grins and Killian very nearly grabs a knife off the table and stabs him with it. No doubt Gold factored in that possibility when he set up this little scene and Killian holds back his urge to kill him for now.

'I had a nice Italian dish the night I hurt Miss Swan.' Gold continues and Killian's hand twitches in his lap.

'You didn't need to hurt her to get what you want.' Killian tells him, looking away in disgust when Gold smirks and slowly takes a drink of wine.

'Miss Swan was simply an unexpected pawn that I utilized. Perhaps I didn't _need_ to hurt her, but would this have happened so soon had I not?' Gold asks, a twitch of his eyebrow and lips showing that he knows the answer.

'Love is weakness, Mr. Jones. You will always be bested if there is someone still breathing that you care for.' Gold says smugly, like he's privy to the great secret of the world.

'Is that why you killed Milah? Because she could still hurt you if she was alive.' Killian wonders, trying to understand the mind of the man that killed the woman they both loved.

'Milah's death was a culmination of things. I protected myself by getting rid of her but I also hurt you. It was terrible it had to come to that but alas, it did.' Gold replies so nonchalantly Killian feels winded.

'How can you speak of her death like that? Regardless of what she and I had, there was a time when you loved each other. How could you kill her so coldly?' Killian doesn't really expect an answer but the questions boil out with his frustration and anger.

'The second she fell in love with you, she wasn't the woman I loved.' Gold says distantly and Killian quickly reaches for the knife and throws it at him. He misses, the knife clattering on the floor a few feet away from Gold, who grins and nods subtly. Killian barely has time to register the movement before he is seized from behind, forceful grips on his arm as two men drag him out of his seat and against the wall, a sudden punch to his gut making him curl over.

As painful as the blow was, he's sure the simple punch is just the beginning of what Gold has planned for him.

* * *

'Emma, you need to put your emotions aside and do your damn job properly.' Graham hisses at her as he grabs her arm to spin her back to him.

'I'm going in to take down a criminal and save any victims he may have, I'm pretty sure that is doing my job.' Emma retorts, forcefully pulling her arm out of his grip.

'Any other time you would know to wait for back up. Your judgement is compromised which means you could end up doing something stupid in there.' Emma knows Graham is trying to look out for her but right now she has no patience.

''Either come in with me or wait out here. I'm going in regardless.' She says firmly. Graham pleads with his eyes but soon realizes she won't change her mind and he nods.

'I've got your back.' He responds and for some reason the uneasy feeling in her stomach grows. Graham quickly speaks with David, who looks uncomfortably torn about what to do as he hangs back by his car. Graham marches past her towards the house before he can change his mind and she quickly joins him, her gun at the ready as they enter the unlocked door.

The house seems quiet when they enter and there is no sign of blood or violence so she takes that as a positive as they look around the foyer.

'Do you hear that?' Graham murmurs and she frowns as she tries to concentrate, raising her eyebrows when she hears the faint sound of classical music. They wordlessly agree to follow the music, walking further into the large house, both with their guns out for security.

They reach a lounge area where it becomes clear that the music is coming from the following room. One of the joining doors is open slightly and Emma tries to peek inside.

'Perhaps after this pig I'll enjoy preparing a swan for slaughter.' Emma hears the unmistakable voice of Gold say, followed by a muffled groan she barely hears over the music. She can't see much through the gap in the door but she's certain Killian is only a few feet away on the other side.

'What do we do, go in guns blazing?' Graham whispers and Emma shakes her head and steps away from the door.

'I'll go in first. Gold won't expect me to be here so I'll have an edge. He likes to play games first, he won't go straight for the kill. Wait here until I can scope out the situation and maybe back up will arrive before you need to shot him.' Emma whispers back.

'No offense but that plan is terrible.' Graham shrugs and she rolls her eyes in an almost playful way. He catches the gesture and puts his hand on her arm gently.

'Be careful, Emma. If anything happens to you-'

'That's when you come in guns blazing.' She cuts in, offering him a small smile. His eyes linger on her lips longer than necessary and for a brief second she thinks he's going to kiss her but he doesn't. Instead he clenches his jaw and nods, his lips forming a tight smile as she walks towards the door to the next room.

Emma opens the door to see Killian lying on his stomach on top of a table, his ankles bound with rope and his arms strapped down. He has an apple stuck in his mouth like a pig roast and her heart clenches, the sight of him momentarily making her ignore Gold.

'Well this is a pleasant surprise.' Gold says and she can tell from his tone that he is genuinely surprised, although she hasn't taken her eyes off Killian to look at him. He hasn't seen her yet, he can't quite move his head enough in her direction and it isn't until she speaks that he starts squirming with recognition.

'You can't even face your opponent like a real man, you have to dehumanize him.' Emma bites out at Gold. She wants to untie Killian but she suspects Gold would have her restrained the second she steps closer to him.

'I must say, you've become a rather fascinating player in this, Miss Swan.' Gold smiles and she rolls her eyes.

'This isn't a game. This is just you being pissed off that your wife chose another man over you, that you couldn't have everything you wanted at once.' Emma tells him, walking over to Killian and removing the apple from his mouth. He groans and shifts his jaw as she wipes the juice away from his chin with a napkin, feeling Gold's eyes on her back.

'I should have exploited this relationship far more than I did.' Gold says thoughtfully, almost as if he is speaking to himself and Killian looks up to meet her eyes. She moves to unstrap his arm but she's suddenly pulled back and slammed against the wall by one of Gold's men and she gasps at the sudden pain.

'Emma!' She hears and for a moment she thinks it's Killian until her vision clears and she sees Graham staring at her with wide eyes, his gun shakily pointed at Gold. The man that pulled her back swipes the gun from Graham and shoots him so quickly her legs weaken and she slides down the wall. The bullet hit his shoulder and he slumps to the ground.

'That guy is a cop?' Gold says mockingly and Emma runs at him, her arm tingling as her fist meets his face. She's quickly pulled back again, even more violently than before but she thrashes against the large man and elbows him in the gut, spinning around to knee him in the groin. Emma doesn't have time to assess the damage as she moves to unstrap Killian's arms, picking up the gun before the man can recover and scrambling to untie the rope around his ankles.

Killian quickly whispers in her ear before taking the gun off her and pointing it at Gold and her head feels clouded as she crouches down beside Graham and sees the blood on his hands as they hover by his wound. She wants to do the exact opposite of what Killian told her but seeing Graham's pain stricken face she gently lifts him up and looks over at Killian one last time before heading back through the doors she came in.

'Emma.' Graham grunts but she silences him as they continue through the house. A brunette woman suddenly races down the staircase in the foyer and Emma's only reassurance is that she gasps at Graham's state and stands on his other side to help hold him.

'Belle?' Emma asks on a hunch and the woman nods, not particularly surprised that Emma knows her. Emma hears a siren outside and walks a little faster until David opens the door with a panicked look before helping move Graham to the approaching ambulance.

Everything is a blur as the paramedics see to him, her forehead prickling with sweat when she hears them tell him he will be okay. David speaks with the arriving cops while Emma turns back to the house, ignoring Graham's blood on her hands and her nauseating headache.

'Emma, we've got it from here.' David says firmly as he follows her but she continues back into the house, the cops hurrying past them through the doors. Emma doesn't reply and David clearly knows better than to say anything else and she heads straight for the room she had left Killian and Gold in. She almost can't believe she left him alone but Killian had practically begged her to get to safety when he hurriedly whispered in her ear and she knew that this moment was between the two of them.

A gunshot abruptly echoes through the house and Emma's heart surges with panic. It's a mad scramble to the dining room as she and David and the cops swiftly enter and she shoves through to see Killian. He's lying on the floor, nose bleeding, and face bruising already as he curls in on himself. She sees the gun inches away from him and her eyes dart to see Gold also lying on the floor with a bullet in his chest.

As soon as she realizes Gold is worse off than Killian her body shakes and she crumbles down beside him as the cops swarm Gold and his henchmen.

'Killian.' She murmurs and he reaches for her immediately.

'Swan.' He responds with a pained smile and she brushes away the hair from his reddened eyes.

'It's over.' Emma whispers and he nods, his hand grasping tightly onto hers.


	11. Chapter 11

He's seen by paramedics and questioned by cops for the next hour but everything seems like a blur of sirens and blood and violent throbbing all over his body. Killian turns away medical help but the Sheriff insists on him going to the hospital to get checked out and it's only when Emma nods and reassures him that she will be there too that he agrees.

David drives them away from the house as Killian catches a glimpse of Belle speaking to a cop and he isn't even sure what to make of the situation. He shot Gold but he doesn't even know if he's still alive or what will happen to him or Belle or even himself. Everything outside the car window is passing too quickly and he closes his eyes, wishing he could just sleep now. The adrenaline and pain is catching up to him all at once and it's almost too much.

Emma reaches for his hand and he squeezes back tightly, not opening his eyes until they reach the hospital but he's never lets go of her hand. She stays by his side as he gets checked by a doctor and he smiles briefly when she subtly tries to look over the doctor's shoulder at his chart. David remains with them too, taking over from Emma when she leaves to check on Graham. She comes back looking worn and stressed but her eyes don't look sad and he hopes that is a good sign for Graham's health.

'Everything okay?' He says as Emma moves back to his side and she smiles.

'I should be asking you that.' She replies as her eyes wander over the bruising on his face and he notices the hint of a bruise still lingering on her face from the other night.

'I'm fine. I have no internal bleeding and my wounds should heal quickly.' Killian says matter-of-factly and Emma shifts her weight as she inhales.

'I spent the entire drive up here worrying about what could have happened to you. I never should have let you go alone.' Emma says quietly, sitting on the bed beside him and reaching for his hand again.

'Everything worked out okay in the end.' Killian smiles as he nudges her shoulder and she shakily laughs.

'I feel like I can sleep for a week now.' Emma says softly and for the first time in a while Killian notices that David is still in the room when he steps forward and clears his throat.

'Neither of you should drive back down today. There's a spare bed at my apartment you can have for tonight, my wife is already making it up with fresh sheets and pillows as we speak.' David insists and as much as Killian wants to decline the offer, the thought of a freshly made bed so close beats out the long drive back home.

'Oh, well I-' Emma starts but Killian squeezes her hand and she stops talking.

'Thank you so much. We'd really appreciate that.' Killian tells David, who claps his hands together and smiles.

'Wonderful.' He replies, stepping outside to most likely call his wife.

'I thought you'd want to get home.' Emma says quietly and he nods.

'I do, but I'm also exhausted, as are you. Besides, the moment you get back you'll be inundated with work.' Killian offers and Emma tilts her head in agreement.

'After everything, _you're_ looking out for _me_.' Emma sighs, letting go of his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. She's swinging her legs lightly over the edge of the hospital bed and her fidgeting makes him smile.

'That's what friends do.' He tells her and she hums humorously. Killian can sense that something is troubling her although after today he isn't really surprised. Emma stays close to his side as they wait for the doctor to discharge him. She seems to have a few fresh bruises of her own but doesn't say anything on the matter, instead constantly checking to see if his wounds are troubling him.

Emma briefly leaves again and comes back just as he is getting discharged and she looks relieved. He wonders how Graham is fairing now but he doesn't ask in case it upsets her. David drives them to his place and the motion of the car is already making Killian feel lethargic, Emma's solid body beside him another thing to take comfort from.

There's a flurry of activity when they reach the apartment as David's wife introduces herself and shows them the small but quaint and cozy space they call home. Her name is Mary Margaret and Killian thinks she is the most innocently pure adult he's ever met, softly spoken with kind eyes and a warm smile. She doesn't ask questions but Killian assumes David has at least told her the general outline of what has happened today. Mary Margaret shuffles back to the kitchen to put out dinner while Emma excuses herself to use the bathroom and he suddenly feels the loss of her warmth beside him.

He feels lightheaded and dizzy and everything seems like it's in slow motion as he looks around the apartment. His injuries really aren't that severe but coming down from the stress and adrenaline is not as calming as he had hoped. Hearing the toilet flush Killian glances over at Mary Margaret and David, who are both busy and chatting away in the kitchen, and he quickly slides into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.

Emma is washing her hands and looks up with wide eyes at his sudden intrusion but she must sense his disorientation as she dries her hands and wordlessly puts down the toilet seat for him to sit down. He does so, watching her as she looks through the cupboards and drawers, stopping when she finds a clean facial cloth. She dampens it with cold water and squeezes it lightly before gently brushing it against his forehead.

Killian isn't sure if the cool sensation really is helping or it's just Emma's silent way of caring for him that calms him down. Either way, he closes his eyes and breathes in and out slowly until she stops. She brushes her fingers through the bits of his hair that have been dampened by the cloth and he likes the sweet affection of her touch.

'Are you okay?' Emma murmurs, her soft voice edged with concern and he inhales.

'Aye lass, thank you.' Killian replies, a weak but surprisingly genuine smile on his lips. They can hear the bustling in the kitchen getting louder and Emma slides her fingers between his as they discreetly leave the bathroom together, their hosts showing no sign of awareness when they set their places at the table with smiles.

Dinner is a pleasant albeit initially awkward interaction as Mary Margaret asks several questions while clearly trying to avoid certain topics. For the first part Killian is so focused on eating that he doesn't fully keep track of the conversation and is grateful that Emma manages to answer most of the questions comfortably.

'So how did you two meet?' Mary Margaret asks as the last few slices of garlic bread are finished off and Killian is full enough to engage with the conversation. Emma doesn't miss a beat and is almost about to answer when he steps in.

'Emma was the cop on duty to watch Gold's house. I was inside with his wife and came out when Gold arrived home. He was angry and cut my hand off and fortunately Emma was there to help me out.' Killian answers honestly and both Mary Margaret and David are stunned into silence. Even Emma shifts beside him and it is clear that she had intended to lie in her version of events.

'I can see why this thing with Gold was so important to the both of you.' David finally says and the tension lessens slightly. They remain at the table for a little while, dodging any more conversations about Gold. David offers dessert but Emma politely declines and Killian drops his shoulders with relief.

'You're both exhausted, feel free to go to bed if you want. I've made it up and put some clean pajamas up there for you both.' Mary Margaret smiles warmly and Killian and Emma thank her appreciatively. Killian washes quickly in the bathroom before going upstairs to their bed for the night while Emma takes a shower.

The room is plain but clean and comfortable and Killian's body aches to the bone as he changes into the pajamas left out for him, a simple pair of soft black pants and a white cotton t-shirt. Once he's settled in bed he can hear the soft voices of Mary Margaret and David downstairs and he hopes Emma will come up soon.

Killian closes his eyes and tries to think through the positives of today, although his uncertainty surrounding just about everything that had occurred doesn't help. His left arm aches from the stress and tension of the long day and he groans as he massages the stump.

'Is it bothering you?' Emma suddenly asks and he opens his eyes at her unexpected presence, having not heard her come up the stairs.

'Aye, just a little.' He shares and she reaches for him as soon as she sits down on the bed. Her pajamas are a pair of plaid pants and a long sleeved black top, the sleeves stopping just before her wrists and the pants just above her ankles. Killian finds the too-small clothes on her oddly flattering and he smiles briefly as her fingers begin rubbing at the aches in his arm. Her hands are warm from her shower and he finds her touch incredibly soothing, closing his eyes again and hoping somehow she can clear his mind too.

She stops after a few minutes and slides under the sheets beside him, turning off the light and wriggling to settle in. He feels strangely disassociated from reality and he can't quite believe he's lying in a stranger's bed with Emma after the day he's had.

'I watched The Princess Bride the other night.' Killian shares casually and Emma lets out a muffled laugh.

'What did you think?' She asks with evident anticipation for his response and he smiles in the dark.

'I thought it was good.' Killian admits, raising his eyebrows when Emma scoffs.

'Just 'good'? It's a classic movie, Killian. It has everything; romance, action, comedy, the self-awareness of it being a fairy tale being read from a storybook.' Emma sighs defensively and he chuckles.

'It is the best movie ever made and everything else pales in comparison. Are you happy now, Swan?' Killian replies lightly and she hums in his ear as she shifts the pillow next to him.

'I detect sarcasm but it will do.' Emma replies, lying back down now that she's more comfortable.

'When did you watch it?' She adds a moment later and the light bubble surrounding them quickly bursts.

'The night you went out and got…hurt.' Killian replies quietly, feeling the atmosphere change and the tension seep back between them.

'He's alive.' Emma whispers and Killian sighs, Emma's confirmation bringing him somewhat back to reality.

'I thought so. I wasn't sure if the shot was fatal but I had my suspicions that it wasn't.'

'How do you feel about it?' Emma asks tentatively.

'I wanted him dead, I still do. But you were right.' Killian admits and Emma shifts beside him to lie on her side.

'His death would haunt me, perhaps longer and more severely than what he has done to me.' He says quietly and Emma's hand rests on his arm beneath the sheets.

'He was angry about you.' He adds and while he continues looking up at the ceiling he imagines the way her eyebrows tug into a frown of curiosity.

'Gold wanted me to be alone. He hadn't anticipated how supportive you would be and how close we would get. I suppose neither of us had anticipated that ether.' Killian feels Emma's hand lightly move down his arm until she reaches his stump and he instinctively inhales at her touch. He knows that her touch is out of comfort rather than romantic intimacy but it makes his heart beat faster regardless.

In their few months together he and Milah had never actually shared a bed, nor spent a night together beyond late evenings at the bookstore. With a drop of his stomach Killian realizes that he's spent more time and been more intimate with Emma than he had with Milah.

'How is Graham?' He asks suddenly and Emma moves away from him, lying on her back with a sigh.

'They got the bullet out and he's recovering but it hit his shoulder and they couldn't fully assess the damage until he's conscious and tries to move his arm. His doctor did say that even if he doesn't get full mobility, the injury wasn't critical so that's good.' Emma informs him and he nods against the pillow despite knowing she can't see the action.

'It's my fault he got hurt. I wanted to go in without backup and he came to protect me.' Killian can hear the sadness in her voice and he swallows thickly. He notices the lights go off downstairs and feels like he has to be quiet now that David and Mary Margaret are going to sleep. The open plan loft doesn't offer much privacy, although he feels guilty for thinking such a thing when they offered a warm bed and a home cooked meal for them.

'It's not your fault.' He whispers a few minutes later. Emma doesn't reply but he can sense that she is still awake.

'Thank you for coming in for me. I know that the reason you came in without backup was for my sake and I appreciate it.' Killian continues a moment later and he feels Emma shift closer until their arms are touching.

'I'm just really glad you're still alive.' She whispers and his lips lift into a smile. She smells like the shampoo she borrowed from Mary Margaret and while it's a pleasant scent it's not the way her hair normally smells. She also smells like the strawberry moisturizer in the bathroom and not the cocoa butter she normally uses. His mind is running through the scents and habits Emma usually has and his skin prickles with heat when he realizes how aware of these things he is.

'I know you probably don't want to right now, but if you ever want to talk through what happened today, I'm here for you.' Emma offers quietly and his eyes sting with the sudden onset of tears.

'Thank you.' He whispers back, unable to say much more.

Emma takes a deep breath and shifts again as she tries to fall asleep and Killian has a sudden and strong urge to scoop her up beside him and hold her in his arms. He doesn't though, remaining rigid in his position on his back. Emma's breathing deepens soon enough but his mind remains too active for him to fall asleep as quickly.

Gold will receive punishment for his actions and Killian will be free of the hold he has on him. Milah's death is avenged, perhaps not in the way Killian had initially planned but then again perhaps that is for the best. He misses Milah dearly and what they could have had together without Gold looming over them but in time he will move on, it's certainly what Milah would have wanted for him.

The stirrings of emotions he feels for Emma tell him that his broken heart may still work after all and it conjures up just a little bit of hope inside him for the future.


	12. Chapter 12

_2 months later_

It's been a long day and Emma exhales as soon as she closes her apartment door. Her feet ache and her eyes sting and she thinks about skipping dinner to relax in the bathtub but her stomach grumbles in opposition and she shuffles into the kitchen in the hopes that there are leftovers somewhere in the fridge.

Since Killian has gone back to his own place Emma has found herself slipping back into her old habits and for some reason she finds herself feeling upset over the fact. He was never going to stay here forever but she misses him so much it actually makes her chest ache. Just as she longingly stares at the back of the fridge her phone vibrates in her pocket and she smiles at the message.

 _I'm on my way with a grilled cheese and onion rings, don't fret Swan._

Emma quickly changes her clothes and despite only putting on sweats she brushes through her hair with her fingers and leaves her make up on. It's ridiculous, not just because Killian has seen her plenty of times without make up and wearing old, worn out clothes but because she's actually trying to be presentable for him. They've been messaging since he left but it's been a couple of weeks since they've seen each other and Emma doesn't want to look half dead when he arrives.

She's been trying not to think about her feelings for Killian since everything went down with Gold and things changed. It's undeniable that they have grown close in the short time they've known each other but it's clear that their relationship is grounded on platonic terms and whatever emotions she has beyond that are simply the product of confusion and too much time alone.

There is a light knock on her door and her heart jumps despite herself. Killian grins and holds up a bag from Granny's and all methods of suppressing her emotions disappear.

'Thank God, I thought I was going to starve tonight.' Emma grins as she takes the bag and Killian hums knowingly at her lack of creativity in the kitchen. He settles into the apartment like he never left and his aftershave faintly hangs in the air as he walks towards the couch and begins searching through Netflix for something to watch. She's suddenly not very hungry, wanting to focus on catching up with him but she puts out the sandwich and onion rings on a plate and eats them anyway, grateful Killian had been thoughtful enough to get them for her.

They sit in comfortable silence while she eats and Killian finds a movie to watch. She's missed this so much, just sitting with him watching TV and looking over to see him scrunch his nose in concentration every so often. Emma quickly finishes her food and excuses herself to freshen up in the bathroom, vigorously brushing away the taste of the onion rings with toothpaste. She looks at herself in the mirror for a while before sighing and washing off her makeup. It doesn't really matter whether she has mascara on or not, nothing could happen the way she wants it to anyway.

Killian seems deeply interested in whatever movie he's found but he turns the volume down and shifts to offer her some of the blanket he's draped over his lap when she returns.

'How has work been?' He asks casually and she misses being able to tell him as soon as she gets home.

'Do you mean generally or a specific case?' Emma replies and Killian smiles bashfully as he scratches his ear. The Gold case has been over for weeks, at least for Emma, but the legal aspects are only just beginning and she's had to submit statements and documents to lawyers several times since Gold was arrested.

'He won't receive a sentence for a while but it's a safe assumption that it will be life in prison.' Emma says and Killian nods in understanding.

'Belle came by the store the other day. With everything that went down in Storybrooke I never actually saw or spoke to her and it was good to discuss things. She's still scared, worrying that somehow Gold will punish her for cooperating with the police.' Killian shakes his head and Emma can see remnants of his anger seep through his otherwise schooled expression.

'I've got other cases now but somehow my mind always goes back to this.' Emma admits, pulling the blanket a little closer around herself. She hadn't really envisioned the night being spent discussing Gold but then again he is an inevitable topic of discussion that always seems to be there between them.

'Aye, I can't seem to think of much else either. That's why I'm leaving town for a bit, clear my head and all that.' Killian shares and Emma feels her stomach drop violently.

'Where are you going?' She tries to ask casually, her mind furiously trying to tell her to be okay with this.

'I'm going to the place my brother and I lived when we first moved to the States. His yacht is there and I want to finally start fixing it up. I think it will be nice to get away from here for a while and have something to do.' Killian says softly and she nods and smiles like the news isn't crushing her. It's the best thing for him right now and she knows that, but it hurts all the same to think about him not being around.

'I'm leaving tomorrow. That's why I came to see you tonight.' Killian adds and Emma forces herself to not show how she truly feels.

'Wow, that's soon.' She exhales and he nods, his eyes briefly darting to the TV before looking back at her. Maybe she should say something now about how she feels, but to do that she'd need to put it into words and Emma isn't there yet, not even capable of understanding it herself never mind telling Killian about it.

'I just wanted to let you know. I'll probably stay most of the summer but I'm not really sure when I'll be back.' _If at all._ Killian doesn't say the words but they seem to hang in the air unspoken and crush her all the same.

'Well, I hope you can find some peace out there.' Emma smiles, the action making her face ache when Killian smiles in return.

They move on to other topics; Graham's improving health, Emma's considerably mild cases of the week, Killian's closing of the bookstore and random comments about TV shows and movies they had been watching. It gets late as they talk on the couch and Emma secretly hopes Killian will stay the night but suffers disappointment when he sighs and makes a comment about leaving early tomorrow morning.

Her time with Killian is coming to a swift end and she scrambles to make the most of the last few moments with him, pulling him in for a tight embrace when they say goodbye at the door. His arms come around her and she tries not to cry, closing her eyes and refusing to think about the inevitable moment he lets go.

'I know I've said it before, but I really am grateful for everything you've done for me, Emma. I'm not sure I would have made it without you.' Killian murmurs against her hair and she bites hard on her bottom lip. Her expression must give her away when they separate as Killian presses a soft kiss to her forehead, his hand gently brushing through her hair.

'I'll update you every day with the progress of the yacht.' He jokes lightly and she rolls her eyes.

'Just…let me know you're okay?' Emma asks and he nods. They say goodbye with promises of messaging regularly and Emma forces a smile until he's walking down the hall and she closes the door, her heart heavy in her chest.

This is something he has to do, it's what is best for him. But a stupid, selfish part of her wishes she could have been what is best for him (she really isn't, she's not at all what he needs or what he is looking for). Emma retreats back to the couch and falls asleep beneath the blanket that smells like him, a small but cruel part of her hoping Killian feels at least _something_ about leaving town (leaving her).

* * *

Emma is only half listening to Elsa as she gushes about her new niece and how married life is treating her sister. The café is cozy and a gentle buzz of conversation surrounds them but Emma still finds herself restlessly glancing around.

'Alright, what is it?' Elsa suddenly asks and Emma looks back at her with wide eyes, feeling guilty for her lack of interest.

'What is what?' Emma responds evasively despite knowing exactly what her friend means.

'What is the reason for your mind clearly being elsewhere?' Elsa says patiently and Emma stares at the creamy remnants of her drink with a sigh.

'Well you know I've been busy with a crazy case at work.' Emma begins, looking up when Elsa hums curiously.

'The one Graham told me about? He explained something about a big case when I came back but that was months ago.' Elsa frowns and Emma's stomach churns with guilt and nerves. Elsa is her best friend and she's left her in the dark about the case (and Killian) for so long now it's difficult to explain everything.

'Yeah that case. When I first picked it up I had to monitor the suspect's house and the night I did he killed his wife and attacked the man she was with. The guy didn't want to go to the hospital but Gold cut off his hand so I couldn't just leave him and I guess I sort of took him in and after an attack on his home he stayed with me until Gold was arrested.' Emma explains and Elsa's eyes widen in surprise.

'Wow, sounds like a serious case. But it's over now right?' They've been friends for a couple of years and just as Emma can read Elsa rather well, she knows her friend can read her just as well, hence the knowing glint in her eye despite her casual tone.

'Yeah it's over.'

'But...?' Elsa prompts and Emma bites her bottom lip before exhaling.

'Killian, the guy Gold hurt, we became close in the time he stayed at mine. He's left town for a bit and I guess I just realized how much I'll miss him.' Emma avoids looking at Elsa as she speaks but her friend gasps and Emma winces as she looks over at her.

'Emma, this is amazing.' Elsa smiles happily and Emma frowns in confusion.

'It is?' She asks in disbelief and Elsa laughs softly.

'You're actually becoming self-aware with your emotions.' She teases lightly before her expression turns more serious.

'Tell me about him.' Elsa says and Emma feels her stomach drop as she thinks about Killian. She tells Elsa about the night they met and treating Killian's wound as well as his cooking skills and his love for Netflix marathons. She tells her about their trip to the coastal town and Killian's love for books. Emma feels her cheeks warm when she realizes just how much she is gushing about him but the flutter in her chest makes her continue. It isn't until she's about to explain how much they've comforted each other that Emma realizes there's something wrong with her giddy descriptions of Killian.

'There's something else though.' Emma tilts her head and Elsa raises an eyebrow curiously.

'Killian was in love with Milah, Gold's wife that he killed.' Emma says quietly and Elsa's smile drops quickly.

'So…Killian was with Milah that night because they were together?' Elsa asks, although she seems to have pieced it together herself.

'They were packing up Milah's things to run from Gold. Killian has been mourning the loss of the woman he loved.' Emma murmurs, a lump rising in her throat as an unsettled feeling stirs in her chest.

'You feel guilty for feeling the way you do while he's mourning her.' Elsa nods understandingly.

'I'm glad we've been able to become friends but whenever I even think about the possibility of becoming more I realize he doesn't see me that way. The last thing he's thinking about is another woman after everything.' Emma puts down her second mug of coffee and pulls the sleeves of her sweater over her hands for comfort.

'Perhaps not now, but in time maybe. In all the time I've known you, I've never seen you share a connection with a guy like you seem to with Killian.' Elsa's words manage to lighten her mood a little and she nods, appreciating the fact that at least Killian is in her life in some capacity.

Emma shifts the conversation to other things and Elsa catches on, sharing her own stories of work and dating. She finally begins to relax and enjoy catching up with her friend when she receives a message and she's torn between hoping it is and also isn't from Killian.

'Everything okay?' Elsa asks while she's reading the message and Emma exhales.

'Yeah, it's just Graham. He's gotten the all clear from his doctor and wants to celebrate tonight, do you want to come for drinks?' Emma replies, to which Elsa nods and smiles like she senses Emma's disappointment over the message. A day with friends is exactly what Emma needs and she suppresses all thoughts and confused feelings about Killian in an attempt to enjoy it.

* * *

'So I was standing on the other side of the door with my gun at the ready.' Graham says as Emma comes from the bar to join everyone at the table. He seems to be doing much better now, although he gives her a bashful smile as if slightly embarrassed he got caught talking about the incident. They're only with people from work that already know what happened but neither of them have been particularly forthcoming with all the details.

Graham stands up to let her slide into the booth beside Elsa, the tight fit with everyone meaning his legs touch hers when he slides back in next to her. She's grateful that the conversation moves away from Graham's account of that day, although the discussion still skirts around the topic.

'I tell you that Belle French is quite a beauty though ain't she?' Will grins after a mouthful of beer and Emma rolls her eyes.

'Just because she is too polite to turn you down doesn't mean you should go after her.' Emma replies, making Graham laugh lightly beside her.

'I'm just appreciating a beautiful woman, that's all.' Will shrugs but his playful smile remains and Emma shares a disbelieving look with Ruby across the table. The light joking and casual conversation is enjoyable and Emma relaxes as she takes a drink, the warm buzz of the alcohol in her stomach pleasant. Graham moves his arm to rest it across the back of the booth behind her and she turns to him with concern.

'How does it feel, does it still hurt?' She asks and he shakes his head with a soft smile.

'It doesn't hurt, no. It feels a little like your muscles do the day after an intense workout, but the pain is gone.' Graham tells her quietly, the rest of the table still talking among themselves. Emma nods, taking another sip of her drink to fill the awkward silence between them. Graham's eyes are darting across her face, lingering on her lips like they did that day in the house before she left to confront Gold in the next room. She finds herself leaning into him, pressing further against his side despite herself.

Perhaps she should abandon this idea of something ever happening with Killian and just be with Graham. She feels safe with him and at one time she had vividly imagined how it would feel to kiss him, back when his smile made her stomach flip and she craved his presence by her side when they first met. He has also made it rather clear that he likes her and she takes comfort in knowing exactly how someone feels about her.

'Do you want to get some air?' She asks suddenly and Graham looks surprised before nodding, glancing up at the rest of their friends and relaxing when none of them are paying attention. Emma finishes up the rest of her drink and slides out of the booth with him, contemplating whether or not to take his hand as they head towards the pub's garden area out the back. It's not quite warm enough for most people to sit outside but there are a few couples and small groups out at the tables. Graham finds an empty one and sits down with a shaky exhale and she chews her bottom lip.

'We haven't spent much time alone recently.' Graham notes as she sits beside him again, not touching but close enough to feel his body heat.

'It's been a little crazy with everything going on.' Emma shrugs, looking up at the night sky and wishing she wasn't in the city so she could see the stars.

'Here I thought you were avoiding me.' Graham replies humorously and Emma looks back over at him.

'Not avoiding, just thinking.' She responds, noticing his eyes on her lips again and his arm moving to reach out for her before he leans on the table as if abandoning the idea.

'Care to share any of those thoughts?' He murmurs, smiling like he's teasing her but she sees the genuine curiosity in his eyes. Emma leans forward slowly, her hand resting on his thigh as she dips her lips to meet his in a soft kiss. His stubble brushes against her skin and he makes a low noise in his throat as he presses his lips harder against hers. The kiss is neither long nor overly passionate but when she pulls back Graham looks wrecked, like they had been heatedly making out and realization sets in for her.

'I'm sorry Graham, I shouldn't have done that.' Emma groans, avoiding looking at him so she doesn't have to see the moment he realizes it too.

'I didn't mind at all Emma. But I suppose the regret is on your behalf.' Graham sighs and she winces.

'Was there ever a time?' He asks and she forces herself to meet his eyes, seeing the way he smiles self-deprecatingly and shakes his head.

'Don't tell me. I don't think either option is particularly pleasant to hear.' Graham shrugs and she gives him a look of pity she knows he probably hates.

'I'm sorry.' She repeats genuinely and Graham nods in acceptance.

'I know it's none of my business, but-' Graham begins but she cuts him off, knowing exactly what he's going to ask.

'No. I'm not seeing Killian. In fact he isn't even in town anymore.' Emma informs him, trying not to sound overly bothered about his absence.

'You may not be seeing him but you can still have feelings for him.' Graham points out and Emma lightly brushes her tongue across her lips, a brief image of Killian's lips on hers instead of Graham's enters her mind and she sighs.

'Do you want to go back inside? I'm getting a little chilly.' Emma lies, an uncomfortable and uneasy feeling settling in her stomach at the growing awkwardness between them now that they've shared an uneven kiss and mentions of the man she really has feelings for.

'Sure.' Graham says quietly and guilt swells in her chest. She had invited him outside, just the two of them, and regardless of whether she meant to or not she led him on with this little interaction, all because she's confused and knew he felt something for her.

'You deserve someone a lot better than me.' Emma tells him as they leave the table, his only response a laugh that sounds slightly forced. When they rejoin the group they settle back into the casual conversation and jokes, although Graham tries to leave a few inches between them and Emma hopes no one else picks up on the tension.

'Do you want to come with me to the bar?' Elsa asks a while later when Emma is staring at the wet ring on the table from the condensation of a glass and she blinks blankly before nodding. Emma walks towards the bar but Elsa tugs her arm towards the washroom and Emma frowns.

'What happened when you went outside with Graham?' Elsa demands as soon as the door shuts behind them and Emma groans.

'You don't miss anything do you?' Emma asks, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

'You're my best friend, Emma.' Elsa replies as an answer and Emma slumps against the counter.

'I kissed him.' She murmurs, avoiding her friend's eye.

'Why did you do that when you like Killian?' Elsa says, her voice laced with confusion and Emma closes her eyes forcefully.

'That's why I did it I guess, I don't know. I like Killian, but he doesn't and probably won't feel the same way. Graham likes me, I've been aware of that for a while and I guess I just thought it would be easier if I liked him too. But when I kissed him it felt wrong. I shouldn't have done it.' Emma suddenly wishes that she's had more than just two drinks but is swiftly reminded that getting drunk is probably not a good option when a woman wanders in looking pale and stumbling into a cubicle.

'No, you shouldn't have.' Elsa says firmly and Emma looks up in surprise. Her friend usually takes a less direct approach when expressing disdain and her directness causes a new wave of guilt to hit.

'But I know why you did. It's not exactly fair to him, but at least this way you know one thing for sure.' Elsa adds in a softer tone and Emma nods. She turns to look at herself in the mirror, brushing down stray pieces of hair and trying to put on an expression that doesn't include a bitter pout.

'How about we have one more drink then go back to mine for a movie night.' Emma suggests, catching Elsa's eye in the mirror.

'Sounds like the best way to minimize any further awkwardness and damage for the night.' Elsa replies, although she bumps Emma's shoulder lightly and smiles.

They stop off at the bar and return to the table with their drinks, Ruby moaning because they left her out of the girls' trip to the bathroom and she was stuck with the guys scoping out hot women. Graham offers her a smile once she's settled back next to him in the booth and she returns it with a genuine smile of her own. At least it seems she hasn't lost him as a friend.

The rest of the evening at the pub is without incident and Emma is grateful. As planned, she leaves with Elsa after their last drink, Ruby tagging along back to hers while the guys stay for another round of drinks. Emma sees Graham appearing to flirt with a girl at the bar as they leave and the knot in her stomach eases a little. Perhaps in a harsh but surprisingly helpful way the mishap with the kiss had prompted Graham to move on from her.

The thought is a strange comfort after everything and Emma feels more relaxed when she settles down on the couch with Elsa and Ruby. They're deciding on a movie when her phone vibrates and her heart jumps when she sees Killian's name on the screen. It's been a week since he left and apart from a message saying he has arrived, she hasn't heard anything since.

It's a picture of the yacht with the caption _I think I underestimated how much work is involved_ and a laughing emoji. Killian had taken the picture during the day but it's almost 11pm now and she wonders why he waited so long to send it to her, and what he has been doing for a week if he is only now working on the yacht.

Emma huffs at herself for overthinking this entire thing, pretending to need the bathroom before the movie starts to be alone for a moment.

 _Better get to work then, Sailor._ Emma types out and sends before she can backspace and spend too long trying to come up with something witty. Killian replies less than a minute later with another picture that makes her heart clench.

 _Oh I did, I'm taking a well-deserved break after approximately 30 minutes of cleaning_ is the caption for this one, his legs stretched out on a bed with a book in his lap. Emma stares at the picture, taking in the way his grey sweatpants hug his legs and the way he's tucked his feet under the blanket at the end of the bed.

She doesn't reply, tucking her phone into the pocket of her jeans and leaving the bathroom while trying not to look flustered. Elsa and Ruby seem not to notice anything and Emma relaxes, although for the rest of the night she holds out for her phone vibrating again.

It's after 3am when they all admit defeat to exhaustion, Ruby already asleep on the couch and Elsa claiming the bed in the guest room for the night. Emma climbs into her own bed and in her tired haze she sends a goodnight message to Killian, falling asleep before she can overthink the message and whether he will reply.

(Hours later when she wakes up she discovers that he did, sending her a good morning message around 7am with the tongue-out emoji and it puts her in rather a good mood for the rest of the day.)


	13. Chapter 13

He sends her pictures of the yacht, she sends him pictures of her failed attempts to cook. Emma complains about her cases, Killian complains about engine problems and rust. He sends her pictures when he's reading at the end of a long day, she sends pictures of a coffee or glass of rum and coke. Their communication continues routinely throughout the weeks, until finally something changes.

It's been almost three months since Killian left and their daily messages have helped Emma become accustomed to his absence. Sometimes it feels as if he is still staying in her apartment, teasing her about her lack of skills in the kitchen or sitting curled up on the couch with a book. But even if his habits have remained the same the fact that he's not actually here is something Emma is continually reminded of in moments when she particularly craves the sound of his voice or the feel of his arms around her, even just platonically.

Their messages have been through text and pictures only, no phone calls and Emma repeatedly hovers her finger over the call button next to his contact on her phone, knowing she could just hear his voice in a matter of seconds if she pressed it. But it's been three months without a phone call and she's terrified it will somehow change everything for the worse.

So when July 4th comes around and she's required to be sociable at Graham's barbecue she's somewhat relieved to be able to ignore her phone for a while. Graham introduces her to Rebecca, the woman he is now dating and Emma is pleasantly surprised by the news. She's happy for Graham and pleased when she sees just how much Rebecca adores him, the way she blushes by his side and smiles whenever he talks. Seeing them interact causes a slight ache in her chest and Emma is relieved when Will calls out that the food is ready.

It's a warm day and she rotates between sunbathing with Elsa and Ruby and joining in with the kids of Graham's neighbours for a water fight. Her hair is soaked by the end of the fight and she pulls it into a braid and lets the sun dry off the rest of her. Elsa takes a couple of pictures of her and posts them straight to her summer album on Facebook, tagging Emma even in the ones that aren't flattering.

Emma snorts at how ridiculous she looks with her denim shorts darkened by the water and her tank top baggy with the weight of being soaked. There's one picture of herself before the water fight that she likes though, the one where she's standing in the sun with her skin glowing and her hair looking more blonde than usual. She's smiling and a couple of kids stand around her with pink noses and big smiles of their own. Emma is about to like it when a notification comes up that Killian Jones did just that and her heart picks up.

She hadn't even thought about Killian seeing the things Elsa tagged her in and she nervously looks back at all the pictures, seeing them differently now she knows Killian is looking at them too. He likes a couple more and she chews her lip before turning off notifications and putting her phone back in the pocket of her shorts.

Emma tests her restraint by not getting her phone out until it's late and they're about to set off the fireworks. She's both relieved and disappointed to see there isn't a message from Killian but just as she gets her camera open her phone vibrates and her stomach flips.

 _Happy Independence Day, Swan!_ The message reads with a picture of fireworks over water and she assumes he's on his yacht. She's glad he seems to be part of some celebrations but she frowns and thinks he could have easily been part of the celebrations here if he hadn't have left town.

 _You're not even American_ Emma replies back, finding herself smiling despite her frustration over his absence.

 _I am when free food and cheap beer is being offered_ Killian messages back and she rolls her eyes. There's suddenly a loud bang and she ignores his message for a few minutes to watch the fireworks. Elsa tugs on her arm and Emma looks away from the colourful explosions to see what her friend wants. Elsa is grinning and points somewhere behind them, Emma following her gesture to see Ruby making out with a guy she vaguely recognizes. Elsa and Emma laugh over their friend's ability to flirt with someone almost anywhere but Emma's laugh soon becomes hollow and she looks back up at the fireworks to replace the image of her friend with some guy.

Emma _never_ does this. She never pines for someone. She never gets distracted by thoughts of a guy or a relationship or intimacy. Ruby has kissed a fair few guys like this before but it never used to make Emma feel this way, like she longs to have that with someone (a rather specific someone). Even after three months of Killian being gone she can't get him out her head and it's driving her crazy. If only he had taken her feelings with him that day he left.

The night winds down soon after the fireworks end, parents taking their kids home to bed and others leaving to go parties at bars and clubs. Emma stays for a couple of beers, staying close to Elsa's side to avoid interacting with Graham and his new girlfriend. She may be happy for him but she's not particularly in the mood to see just how happy the couple are together. Unfortunately Elsa wants to know all about Graham's new girlfriend and gets another drink as she settles down to hear the story of how they met.

Emma claims she's exhausted, which isn't actually a lie, and says goodbye to everyone still around. She's relieved when no one asks how she is getting home, wanting to walk the few blocks to her place in peace. It isn't until she's out in the cool night air alone that she gets an idea, briefly considering the pros and cons before getting her phone out and calling Killian. It rings a couple of times before he picks up and her heart surges at the sound of his voice when he says 'hello'.

'Hey.' Emma offers lamely and she screws her face up in embarrassment.

'Swan, is everything okay?' Killian asks with concern and she frowns before realizing that to him the only reason she would be calling is if something is wrong.

'Yeah, everything is fine. I just wanted to talk to you.' Emma shrugs, blushing like he's right in front of her. She hadn't had enough alcohol to make her confident and carefree and she almost wishes she had so this would be easier.

'Oh, okay. Well how are you?' Killian says with a gentle laugh and her stomach flips. Emma had remembered his accent and the way certain words sound but she had forgotten just how much she liked his voice, the deepness and the lilt.

'I'm good, how are you?' Emma replies, a wide smile on her face as she speaks.

'I'm good too. I'm in bed reading but I can still hear celebrations going on outside. You Americans certainly know how to party.' Killian says humorously and something inside of her really enjoys hearing that he is tucked up in his bed with a book.

'I just left Graham's party. I'm getting too old to stay up at this time of night.' Emma jokes, grinning when she hears Killian laugh in response.

'That's not very patriotic of you, Swan.' He fake scolds and she rolls her eyes despite him not being able to see her.

'I miss you.' She blurts out, unable to stop herself when the ache in her chest flairs up at the sound of his voice and laughter. There's a pause and she holds her breath.

'I miss you, too.' Killian replies more seriously and she imagines him lying in bed with the book on his lap and his head against a pillow as he holds the phone to his ear. There's another pause, neither of them knowing where to go with the conversation now.

'I'm hoping to be back next month.' Killian offers and she can't tell if he's being honest or just scrambling for something to say.

'That's good. We'll have to do something when you get back to town, go for a drink or something.' Emma says casually like she won't be counting down the days until he's back.

'Yeah, sounds good.' He replies softly and she sighs.

'Well, I just got home. I'm going for a quick shower and then going to sleep for a week. Goodnight, Killian.' Emma says quickly.

'Goodnight, Swan.' He responds and she hangs up before he can. She's still a few minutes away from her place but the lie seemed the best way to get out of the phone call. It was good to hear his voice again but it had only made her longing for him worse and she wishes she had more restraint.

At least he would be back next month, and maybe she won't feel like this once she sees him again. Maybe it's just the distance, the loneliness and the quiet apartment that makes her miss him so much. (Maybe it's something else too, but she refuses to accept that as an explanation.)

* * *

'I was the oldest there, people usually go for the younger children so I was too old for most families but too young to be by myself.' Emma sighs, noticing the dust gathering on the light fixture above her bed. She's stretched out horizontally, her feet dangling off the end despite her legs being curled up. The phone is pressed to her ear and she closes her eyes when Killian's voice comes from the other end.

'How old were you then?' He asks softly and her lip twitches into a smile.

'I was 14 when I arrived at that group home. It was the start of my rebellious phase.' Emma scoffs, smiling at the bittersweet memories of her early teen years.

'It was fun for a while, pretending I knew everything and that I was always right. Not having any parents meant there wasn't anyone to disappoint so I thought I was cool getting away with stealing stuff from stores and sneaking out at night. That lifestyle caught up to me a few years later though.' Emma says thoughtfully, rolling onto her stomach and putting the phone on speaker so she can rest her head on her arms.

'I can't imagine you like that.' Killian replies and she can't tell if it's the crackling speaker that makes his voice sound strange when he says it.

'Like what?' Emma asks, frowning even though he can't see her.

'So unguarded, not caring what anyone thinks.' He says and she lifts her head, more alert at this point in the conversation.

'I don't exactly care what people think now though either.' Emma responds, surprised at how defensive she sounds.

'Not on the surface. You go against the protocol of your job without much thought of what your colleagues think and you tend not to explain or present yourself in a certain way to make people like you, but you still care. You want the approval of people, even if you act like you don't.' Killian says and her eyes go wide at the sudden exposure she feels.

'You took a psych class in college didn't you?' Emma jokes, covering up her discomfort. Killian laughs on the other end and she half expects him to respond with an analysis of using humour to defend herself.

'I did actually, yes.' He admits and she relaxes at the sound of his laughter.

'So Mr. Pop Psychology, why do I act like I don't care if I really do?' Emma asks, meaning to tease him but admittedly curious about his insight into her mind.

'To protect yourself from getting hurt.' Killian replies seriously, the laughter and playfulness in his own voice gone.

'We all do that in some way though, don't we?' Emma replies thoughtfully and Killian hums in agreement. (She thinks about how he left town and how it was certainly a way to protect himself in some way.)

'I miss you, Emma.' He says a moment later and she moves to lie on her bed properly, resting her head on the pillow.

'I miss you, too.' She replies. Emma takes comfort in knowing she is missed, but all that means is that they both miss each other but aren't together and she sighs in disappointment.

'You'll be back soon, right?' Emma adds, not caring how desperate she sounds.

'Aye, hopefully.' Killian says and she nods to herself.

'What if…I came to visit you?' She asks hesitantly, her heart beating ridiculously fast.

'Oh, um, I would like that very much.' Killian replies, but she can hear something in his voice that seems to differ with his words.

'I don't have to, I just thought it would be nice to catch up in person. I totally get it if you don't want me there.' Emma says hurriedly, to which Killian firmly repeats 'no' and she bits her lip.

'I do. I'm staying with a friend so I'll have to check with him of course but I'm sure he will be okay with it.' Killian tells her and she scrunches up her face, wishing she had never said anything.

They say goodbye a few minutes later, the one thing she hates about their phone calls, and Emma thinks over their conversation in the silence of her room. She hopes visiting him won't be too intrusive. When he said he missed her she thought it was as simple as both of them wanting to see each other again, but perhaps Killian needed the time away from her as much as the city and everything with Gold.

Their time apart had made her more comfortable opening up to him, some things being easier to talk about over the phone. She had started because Killian had shared some things about his brother that were personal and she wanted to share her own things, it was only fair that they were both vulnerable. There were a few things she hadn't shared though, but maybe in time.

* * *

Killian's friend was more than happy for her to come visit and Emma took this to be a good sign. If Killian really hadn't wanted her to come down he could have said his friend didn't want another house guest and that would be that, but he had seemed happy on the phone when they spoke and she excitedly packed a bag for the weekend.

It's about a six hour drive and Emma sets out early Friday morning, glad she didn't use any of her leave after the whole Gold mess. The day is warm already and she feels light and content as she drives down the highway with the radio turned up and the sun shining. Killian had sent her the address along with a message saying he was looking forward to seeing her and she was glad it wasn't just her that seemed to feel it had been longer than a few months since they had last seen each other.

Emma stops at a gas station just as she enters the town, getting rid of the coffee cups and bear claw boxes and freshens up in the bathroom, brushing through her hair and chewing on some mints. She follows the GPS to the house Killian is staying in and she raises an eyebrow at the fact that another guest could possibly disturb his friend, who seemed to own a mansion gathering from the large houses she was passing on her way there.

She finds the right house and pulls onto the driveway, her old yellow bug looking out of place in the neighbourhood. Emma is suddenly a little nervous. The trip was to see Killian again, but she hadn't considered the fact that she was meeting his friend and was most definitely going to be judged by them.

Hearing the front door open she gets out of the car, grinning when she sees Killian walking down the path in a soft grey flannel shirt with a golden retriever bounding around his legs.

'Swan.' He smiles and she all but runs to him, putting her arms around him and relaxing into his embrace. He smells like soap and spices and she wonders if he's been cooking in the undoubtedly large kitchen of the house.

'How was your trip?' Killian asks, still holding her in his arms and she smiles against his neck.

'Good, I had minimal road rage and only two bear claws.' Emma replies humorously and Killian laughs, the sound warm and familiar. She feels Killian squeeze a little tighter and her stomach flips at how he is holding her. The dog suddenly barks and they separate, Emma crouching down to pet him.

'That's Charlie. He's a complete and utter idiot and he loves getting his belly scratched.' Killian says fondly and Emma smiles as Charlie's tongue sticks out and he closes his eyes as she scratches behind his ear.

Killian grabs her bag from the backseat of the car and she's about to thank him when someone comes out the front door and her chest tightens with nerves.

'You must be Emma. I'm Jefferson.' The man says with a smile and he seems friendly and welcoming. She shakes his extended hand, returning his smile sheepishly and making note of the glance he gives Killian before turning to the dog.

'Come on Charlie, let's show Emma the house.' Jefferson says to the dog, using the voice that people reserve for their pets that's slightly goofy. Emma follows him in, Killian close behind and her eyes widen at the sight of the interior. She had already gathered the place was huge just from the exterior but it is also lavishly furnished, a mixture of high-end dark wood furniture and vintage items you definitely couldn't pick up from Ikea. There's a large fireplace in the lounge area with a basket of wooden logs, unused in the summer heat and a more modern fire on an island in the kitchen, which is an entire aspect on its own that she marvels at.

They pass a study with a piano and large bookcases, a home gym and a game room on their way to the bedrooms upstairs and Emma's jaw almost drops when Jefferson opens the door to her room. It's furnished with the same dark wood as the rest of the house with a flat screen TV on the wall and large windows that no doubt have a great view.

'This room is rarely used but I tried to freshen it up, I hope it is to your liking.' He says seriously and she smiles.

'It's wonderful, thank you so much for letting me stay here.' Emma replies sincerely as Killian puts her bag on the bed.

'Any friend of Killian's is welcome, especially a beautiful woman such as yourself.' Jefferson smiles, his light flirtation making her laugh. They leave her to freshen up and acquaint herself with the room and the bathroom down the hall, which has a bathtub Emma is desperate to try out. Once she's settled she goes to the room Killian is in, knocking lightly despite the door being open.

Killian has made his room practically a home away from his own, surrounding himself with plenty of books, a photo frame with a picture of him and Liam and a small bonsai tree by the window.

'Jefferson seems nice. I was worried he only said yes to me coming to be polite but it seems he's got plenty of space for guests.' Emma jokes quietly. Killian is sitting on the bed, a closed book in his lap and a soft smile on his lips.

'It's quite the place, isn't it?' He replies, shuffling to give her room to sit beside him.

'I take it you've been doing okay here then?' Emma asks, admiring his flannel shirt and how good he looks in it. He hasn't shaved for a while and she's realizing just how attractive she finds his facial hair and how it makes the blue of his eyes stand out even more.

'Aye, Jefferson has been very kind to me. He was more of Liam's friend than mine but it's been nice to talk to someone that knew my brother and misses him too.' Killian tells her. A part of her had been a little bothered that Killian had left to stay with another friend but she understands now that he needed someone that knew him before all of his pain and loss.

Emma has never had to mourn the loss of someone, not in the literal sense of their death anyway. She wonders if that is better or worse, to not have anyone constant enough in her life to know the pain of losing them to death.

'So when can I see the yacht?' Emma asks to change the subject, pleased when Killian grins widely.

* * *

Emma hasn't changed in the time that he had gone, or at least he thinks she hasn't. Her hair seems a little longer and something about her make up is a little different but she's still Emma, at least physically. They've mainly covered the casual topics of Emma's job and Killian's work on the yacht as they drive down there, Emma giving little tidbits of updates on her friends that he doesn't really know all that well. He is shocked to hear about Belle seeing Emma's colleague, some guy called Will and he makes a note to himself to ask Belle about him when he returns.

'How is Graham?' Killian asks and he thinks he sees something, a shadow in her expression before she smiles and suddenly becomes very interested in looking at the other yachts they pass on the way to his.

'He's doing well. His gunshot wound healed well and he has full use of his arm. He told me it sometimes feels like your muscles do after a workout but nothing beyond a little tension. He actually has a new girlfriend now.' Emma shares and Killian feels a wave of pleasure at hearing this news. He had picked up on something between Emma and Graham early on and is, perhaps a little selfishly, relieved to hear nothing has come of it.

'Oh, that's good to hear.' Killian smiles genuinely (more so on his behalf than Graham's). Emma nods but swiftly changes the subject back to him and he narrows his eyes before shaking off his suspicions.

'Working on the yacht one handed was certainly trying at times. Jefferson offered to help but I wanted to do it myself.' Killian admits, feeling his cheeks flush a little. Emma smiles, casting a quick glance at his left arm as if only just remembering his injury. He's met several people over the last few months that were always awkward on the subject but Emma never is.

'Well, here it is.' Killian gestures lamely at the yacht, somehow hoping his is more appealing to her than the several similar ones they just passed.

'It looks a lot cleaner than the first picture you sent me, I'll give you that.' Emma teases, putting her hand lightly on his arm before she invites herself onto the vessel with ease. He gives a tour of sorts, mostly pointing out the things he had changed and fixed and even though she hardly understands the mechanical and technical aspects his heart warms at her encouraging smiles and hums.

'I've still to fix up the deck a little and I haven't actually tried to run her yet but she's coming along nicely.' Killian nods, giving himself a rare pat on the back for his work.

'She?' Emma asks with an amused smile and he scratches his ear.

'Aye, sailors quite often refer to their vessel as a female. It just…fits with the care we have for it. Her.' He amends with a flush of his cheeks. He hasn't even started up the damn thing and he's calling himself a sailor, acting like the yacht is his and not his brother's. Emma doesn't seem to notice his internal conflict, laughing softly to herself as she looks around and his chest tightens at the sound.

'Does she have a name?' Emma says as she looks over his collection of books on a shelf.

'My brother called her The Jewel of the Realm.' Killian replies, looking out at the water he can see through the window.

'And what do you call her?' Emma retorts, a knowing look in her eye when she glances up at him.

'Well, it's not an official name, but I suppose in my head, you know just to myself, I've been calling her The Jolly Roger.' Killian admits, positive his face is fully flushed now.

'Like Captain Hook's ship?' Emma asks, although he can tell by her little smile that she knows it is.

'Kind of fitting isn't it? With my hand and everything.' Killian scoffs, awkwardly waving his left arm. Emma tilts her head and smiles at him but he's pleased to see her expression is more of affection than pity.

'I like it.' She shrugs, sitting down on the sofa and testing it out. He watches her while she's distracted and he notices how long and dark her lashes are and how her cheekbones are accentuated by her light flushing from the heat. It is a little strange to him but since he lost both Liam and Milah, he's started noticing qualities about people, their temperament and impressions. Emma is soft and warm, like a beautiful summer sunrise. He had seen several of them out on this yacht, the sky a multitude of colours that reflected in the gentle ripples of the water around him and he wished she had been there by his side when each day began.

'What?' Emma says with a gentle laugh and Killian realizes that he's been staring.

'Nothing, I've just missed you.' He settles with and Emma seems momentarily flustered, curling her hair behind her ear and tensing her shoulders.

'I've missed you, too.' She replies, meeting his gaze a bit sheepishly and he almost frowns as his mind works in overdrive to take in her small gestures and body language. He likes to think that he can read her well, knowing when she was silently bothered by something or when she wanted to be alone (and also when she wanted him to get her a grilled cheese but didn't want to ask). He thinks that he knows Emma rather well, which is why his heart is hammering when he considers the way she is acting, and that maybe her shy behaviour is because missing him means the same as missing her does for him.

'So how many books have you read so far this summer? I'm sure you could run a private library with your collection.' Emma jokes and the tense moment is gone. He sits beside her, indulging her teasing and enjoying their face to face conversations once again. The thought about her feelings for him isn't completely pushed to the back of his mind though.

They return to Jefferson's in time for Killian to help out with dinner, Emma watching from her stool at the breakfast bar and complimenting him on his skills. Jefferson makes a joke about him lacking a hand, which makes Emma's eyes widen in shock before Killian snorts and Emma relaxes. She'd been ready to defend him, he could see it in her eyes and he smiles to himself when he turns his back to cut the peppers.

Jefferson pours Emma a glass of wine and Killian observes them with mild interest until he notices their hands touching as the glass is passed and the way Jefferson looks over Emma with a blatant look of attraction. He had only called Emma a friend and mentioned nothing of his feelings for her so he didn't exactly feel betrayed by Jefferson, although a ball of irritation still settles in his chest as he watches them.

Perhaps he should say something to Jefferson (perhaps he should just say something to _Emma_ ). She returns Jefferson's smile but Killian doesn't pick up on any flirtation from her side and he relaxes with relief. It's only a matter of time before someone else takes their chance with Emma and he's left regretting his hesitation (but his hesitation is also a comfort from his fear of her rejection and he doesn't know which is worse).

Dinner is pleasant and they have plenty to discuss with Emma's arrival. She talks about her job and briefly mentions her own run in with the law, although it's more comical than revealing. Emma meets his eye across the table and he senses that she wishes to tell him more, but only him. He takes great comfort in that.

The three of them talk over wine after dinner and while he can see Emma loosening up she also yawns frequently until she heads off to bed. He watches her go, still looking towards the staircase even after she's ascended them.

'You like her.' Jefferson says quietly, holding the stem of his empty wine glass. His immediate reaction is to deny it, but then he slumps his shoulders in defeat and nods.

'Aye, I do.' Killian replies, finishing the rest of his own wine in one mouthful.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Jefferson asks and Killian looks at him in surprise.

'I didn't want you to think less of me. I am mourning the loss of a woman I loved, only to have fallen in love with another.' Killian tells him, looking down at the purple remains of his wine in the bottom of the glass.

'We can't help who we fall in love with, Killian. I certainly understand why you fell for Emma.' Jefferson says with a smile and some of the tension leaves Killian's shoulders. It's not that he's been looking for approval or understanding regarding his feelings for Emma but to hear that it isn't completely unreasonable helps appease the unsettled guilt he often feels.

'Truthfully, part of the reason I came here was to get away from her. We became close rather quickly and spent almost every day together since we met. I wanted to see if the way I feel was simply because she was a beautiful woman offering comfort when I needed it, or if I really love _her_.' Killian suddenly wishes he had some rum and not the remnants of wine in his glass.

'And?' Jefferson asks curiously and Killian leans back in his chair with a sigh.

'It is nothing else. It is her.' He admits and Jefferson nods. They're silent for a moment and Killian contemplates his feelings, glad that he's discovered how genuine they are towards Emma.

'It's just as well you told me because I probably would have asked her out myself.' Jefferson says with a grin and Killian laughs lightly, not admitting that he was fully aware of that possibility. However, now that he knows the extent of his own emotions, Jefferson's attraction to Emma is the least of his worries. Now he actually has to tell her and that prospect is entirely too daunting.


	14. Chapter 14

The cool air coming from the vent is wonderful but unfortunately not cooling down the room quick enough and Emma tosses and turns uncomfortably in bed, torn between throwing the covers off completely and wanting to lie under at least one sheet.

Her eyes ache but her mind doesn't want to shut down, thinking about the air conditioning and the heat and the strong smell of the fabric softener on the sheets and the fact that Killian is down the hall. Now that she's too hot to sleep she's aware of her need to use the bathroom and she sighs, rubbing her eyes and relenting to the fact that she won't be going to sleep any time soon.

Emma quietly heads to the bathroom and shuts the door. She frowns when she notices the light pink bathrobe hanging on the back, definitely not Jefferson's and too small to be a woman's. Curiosity gets the better of her and she looks through the cabinets and drawers, finding children's bubble bath, a faded yellow rubber duck and kid's shampoo.

When she leaves the bathroom she quietly walks down the hall to her room but stops when she sees light around the edges of Killian's door. Emma chews her lip in momentary thought before lightly knocking, exhaling when she hears the bed creak and Killian's footsteps. He opens the door, a look of surprise on his face before he smiles and widens it for her.

'Couldn't sleep?' He asks quietly once the door is shut again and she shakes her head.

'It's too hot. The AC is on but not quite making it a comfortable temperature yet.' Emma replies as she slides up onto the foot of the bed. As always, there is a book on the bed by Killian's pillow, which he closes and places on the bedside table.

'I saw a kid's robe in the bathroom.' Emma blurts as Killian sits on the bed with her and she's relieved when he smiles.

'Aye, that belongs to Grace, she's Jefferson's daughter.' Killian tells her, silently offering a pillow as he speaks. She tucks it behind her and leans against the bottom panel of the bed, stretching out her legs beside him.

'I didn't realize he has a child.'

'She's at camp right now, left a couple of weeks ago. Her mother died when she was very young so it's just been the two of them in this big house for a while now.' Killian says wistfully and Emma keeps any further comments of surprise to herself.

'Her friends must love coming here for birthday parties.' Emma says lightly, which makes Killian's smile return.

'She's had a couple of sleepovers while I've been here and the kids love it. They have a home theater room downstairs and Jefferson gets them popcorn and candy and they promise not to tell their parents how much they eat.' He grins and shakes his head and Emma gets an image in her mind of Jefferson being a goofy but cool dad. A moment of silence sits between them and she fidgets, the bed panel digging into her back uncomfortably.

'Do you want to watch TV? There's no Netflix so cable will have to suffice.' Killian offers, gesturing to the TV on the opposite wall and reaching for the remote in the drawer beside him. Emma is relieved that she'll have to move to see the TV, not feeling as awkward invading the space beside Killian at the top of the bed.

She puts the pillow against the headboard and lies down while Killian flicks through the channels and her eyes begin to feel heavy once again.

'Do you have any preference, Swan?' Killian asks and the corner of her lips curve at the use of her last name, having missed the way he says it.

'Nah, you can put whatever on, I'll probably fall asleep halfway through anyway.' She means it as a joke but the comfort of lying beside Killian is more than she expected and she feels the heaviness of sleep beginning to lure her already. Killian settles on an old rerun of a procedural show and puts the remote down on the table beside him. Emma wonders why he chose the left side of the bed when he has to reach over with his right hand and in her tiredness she voices her private thought aloud.

'Just a habit, I've always slept on the left side of the bed.' Killian shrugs and she glances up to see if he looks offended. He doesn't, in fact he looks rather amused and she relaxes. They're quiet for a while as they watch TV, the volume low but still audible and Emma finds the sound comforting as she closes her eyes.

'Can I tell you something?' Killian murmurs suddenly and she jolts, opening her eyes to see him looking at the TV and she wonders if she really heard him say anything.

'Sure.' She mumbles, turning to lie on her side and look at him.

'I went on a date.' The pleasant haziness of sleep quickly evaporates and Emma feels like she's been rudely woken up, feeling sick to her stomach with panic and disorientation.

'She was the mother of one of Grace's friends. She came to the house to pick up her daughter and offered me her number. We messaged and it led to a date.' Emma takes advantage of the fact that Killian is still looking at the TV and chews her bottom lip, biting down hard to stop the sudden onset of tears.

'How did it go?' Emma asks quietly, her eyes travelling from his lips to his throat when she notices him swallow.

'It was fine, until she realized that I was missing a hand and she became awkward. After claiming her daughter had an accident at home she bolted and I haven't spoken to her since.' Killian replies and Emma forces herself not to sigh with relief.

'What a bitch.' Emma says, making Killian's lips twitch into a smile. She isn't pleased that he had been left alone and rejected because of his injury but Emma is beyond happy that the date was nothing more than a one-off mistake.

'I wanted to know if I was ready to move on. Milah will always have a place in my heart but I know she wouldn't want me wallowing alone for the rest of my life. I think I am, just not with Audrey I suppose.' Killian lets out a chuckle and Emma's heart picks up. She'd kept her feelings to herself because she had the excuse of Killian mourning Milah's death. Now that he's admitted he is ready to move on, there is really nothing holding her back (except her nauseating fear of his rejection).

'Do you think…will people always look at me that way when they see I don't have a hand? The pity and the disgust, the morbid curiosity as to how I lost it and the determination to avoid it.' Killian wonders and his voice is barely above a whisper. It breaks her heart to hear those things and to wonder if Killian is equally bothered by his hand as others are.

Emma inhales, pushing away the doubt in her mind as she shifts on the bed. Killian finally looks away from the TV as she moves to straddle him, looking at her with wide eyes as she places her hands on his chest and her legs on either side of him. His heart is beating quickly beneath her fingers and she can feel her own heart beating just as fast. Killian shifts to sit up, leaning forward towards her and she takes advantage of their proximity to kiss him.

Emma presses her lips roughly against his but the kiss quickly becomes tender as she softens, realizing what she's doing. Killian makes a muffled noise of surprise but doesn't pull back and she squeezes her legs against him. His hand touches her hip firmly and she feels his tongue against her bottom lip and in her hazy, distracted mind she realizes he's kissing _back_. Killian's hips lift up as his hand travels up her back and into her hair and their tongues meet and she gasps mid-kiss.

His body is warm and solid beneath her and she feels across his chest and his neck, her hands reaching into his hair and his lips vibrate against hers at the touch. Emma pulls away, resting her forehead against his and breathing heavily. His fingers brush against her cheek and she smiles as they reach her swollen lips, the pad of his thumb brushing against her lower lip gently.

'I love you.' He whispers and Emma's stomach drops. She can feel sweat on her forehead and along her neck, the heat of the night and Killian's touch making her body react despite the goose bumps on her arms.

'I love you, too.' Emma shakily exhales and Killian kisses her again as soon as the words are out of her mouth. She feels so much of the tension in her body leave as he holds her, kissing her cheeks and nose and forehead in between heated kisses on the mouth.

'I've wanted to tell you for so long. I was worried you wouldn't feel the same.' Killian tells her and Emma feels her eyes glaze with tears.

'Why do you think I didn't say anything either?' Emma asks humorously, laughing lightly as she wipes her eyes. Killian is looking at her like she has magic or something, like he's amazed by her and she feels her cheeks flush.

'None of that matters now.' He says softly, pulling up the strap of her tank top and touching along her collar bone so that she shivers despite the sweat and clammy heat. Emma knows they will talk about this properly tomorrow but for now she wants to bask in the glow of their newly discovered love for one another. She reaches for Killian's left arm and lightly curls her fingers around his stump. He had been keeping it down by his side, only holding her with his right arm but he doesn't need to, not with her.

'I know what you've been through, and I love you.' Emma tells him, quietly but firmly and she sees him swallow thickly, staring at her intently. His eyes seem to fill with tears but they fade before they can spill onto his cheeks and he nods.

She leans over to grab the remote, turning the TV off and switching off the lamp before sliding back onto her side of the bed. Killian turns to face her and kisses her shoulder as she tucks herself into him, not caring about how much hotter she'll be pressed against his warm skin. He touches her lightly with his lips and hand but she feels how much he wants her with each gesture and she sighs, her hands sliding underneath his cotton shirt, smirking when Killian hums when she touches his ticklish spots.

She wants to kiss him again but her eyes close when he puts his arm across her, a final kiss on her forehead before he rests his head on the pillow. Emma briefly worries that she'll wake up tomorrow morning and this won't be real, but she can feel Killian beside her, smell his soap and warm skin and still taste his kiss on her lips.

'I love you.' Emma whispers again, the words so foreign on her tongue but the sentiment so familiar when she thinks of him.

'And I love you.' Killian replies, his quiet voice squeezing her heart. She falls asleep almost instantly after that, dreaming of waves washing away everything dark and painful inside of her.

* * *

Killian grabs a couple of bottled waters and the punnet of strawberries from the mini fridge and takes them out into the heat of the afternoon sun. Emma is sitting on the blanket out on deck, her hair pinned up in a messy bun and her bikini peeking out of her tank top. She has her eyes closed, soaking in the rays of the sun and making her usually fair skin turn a faint golden tone. He's very much in love with every inch of her skin and has told her as much several times today already.

He can see the glisten of freshly sprayed sunscreen on her legs as he sits down beside her, noticing a few white marks along her calves and thighs. Killian is relieved that the scars are small and barely noticeable but recalls the reason for them all too well and his chest tightens.

Emma opens her eyes and hums with approval at the strawberries, making him grin as he offers her some. They had both been rather shy initially in the morning, waking up to each other and realizing what happened the previous night was real. Emma had been blushing in her flustered state and it wasn't until he kissed her, slowly and affectionately, that she calmed down.

'So when did you start…or when did you realize?' Killian asks awkwardly after a moment of silence as Emma pops a strawberry into her mouth. She looks thoughtful, taking a drink of water before answering.

'Honestly I'm not really sure. I've been attracted to you since we met, but given everything going on and the circumstances, I hadn't thought beyond that.' Emma explains, avoiding looking directly at him and her cheeks seem to redden again.

'When you went back to your own place I missed you, but it wasn't until you told me you were leaving town that I realized what I felt for you was more than friendship.' Emma speaks quietly and Killian can see that even though she loves him, she is still cautious of sharing and opening up to him. He nods but doesn't say anything, eating a couple of strawberries and looking out at the water.

'What about you?' Emma asks tentatively and he smiles briefly, thinking of the bittersweet moment.

'The night you were hurt by Gold. I didn't really understand how I felt then, I just knew that you were very important to me and I felt a strong connection to you. It wasn't until I came here that I realized though.' Emma seems surprised but doesn't reply and he clears his throat and takes a drink of water.

'I don't mean to be rude or insensitive but-' Emma murmurs a moment later but Killian nods and she stops.

'I know, I suppose it's the elephant in the room, isn't it? What Milah and I had was different to most relationships. We bonded and grew close, but we never spent a night together, or went on a date. I'd often felt guilty for how I feel about you; the woman I loved was gone and I was falling in love with someone else so soon after.' Killian says softly, watching Emma as she pulls at the blue threads on the hem of her denim shorts to distract herself.

'If you're not ready to move on just yet we don't have to-'

'I am. I wouldn't be, if I hadn't met you. That date with that woman was terrible for more reasons than just my hand.' Killian shrugs and Emma looks up at him with a raised eyebrow.

'I thought you said it was fine.' She challenges, the hint of a smile on her lips.

'I lied. It was terrible. Since I never went on a date with Milah it had been a long time since I had gone out and it was awful. The awkward 'get to know you' questions, the tense silent gaps, the scramble to find something in common. I hated it and all I wanted to be doing was watching Netflix with you.' Killian admits, which makes Emma laugh lightly.

'Well, just so we're on the same page, I kissed Graham and it wasn't great either.' Emma shares and Killian feels his stomach drop despite her latter description of events. It seems he did pick up on something when Emma spoke of Graham the previous day.

'How did that come about?' He asks, trying not to sound jealous. He had gone on a date with another woman after all, and neither of them had even expressed their feelings about each other until yesterday. Even so, now he knows the way she kisses, he would rather not think about her kissing anyone else.

'A few of us from work had gone out to celebrate Graham getting the all clear from the doctor. I knew how he felt about me and I was beginning to realize how I felt about you. But you weren't there, and even if you were I thought you wouldn't feel the same. I thought it would be easier if I could just like Graham back, but the kiss felt wrong for several reasons. I felt terrible for leading him on, but he soon met Rebecca and everything was fine. And now I'm…with you.' Emma finishes, sounding uncertain.

'So we're…together?' Killian asks sheepishly, smiling when Emma raises an eyebrow as she smirks.

'I think that's what happens.' She replies teasingly, reaching for her bottle of water. He sees the scars on her arms, his heart squeezing at the memory of washing away her blood, trying to stop her burning herself under the scalding water. Killian shuffles closer, gently putting her bottle down and kissing her, her lips wet from the water and sweet like the strawberries. He thinks of all the times he has wished to kiss her but couldn't and holds her closer.

* * *

Her head is resting in his lap, sunglasses shielding her eyes as he reads his book aloud. She doesn't know who the characters are or what is really going on but she loves listening to his voice and the way he sounds while he's reading, taking on a different lilt to his usual tone.

Killian stops every so often to kiss her or give her a compliment, to put the book down and trace her skin with his fingers. He doesn't shy away from her scars but neither of them comment on them, not wanting to tarnish this time together with mentions of Gold.

'When I come back to the city, would you help me look into getting a prosthetic hand?' Killian asks, the shake in his voice giving away how nervous he is.

'Of course. How long have you been considering getting one?' Emma replies, lifting her sunglasses up so she can see him better.

'A few weeks ago I met a woman in a diner. She noticed that I only had one hand and mentioned that her husband had been out in Afghanistan and lost his hand. He got a prosthetic, an expensive but rather advanced one that a veteran organization helped him with. I'm not exactly looking for one that advanced, but maybe just something I can put on when I want to.' Killian explains, looking down at his left arm that rests on her stomach.

'I'm sure someone at work will have a good contact I can look into.' Emma says, smiling weakly when Killian nods. She can't imagine how difficult things have been for him as he tries to navigate working with one hand, dealing with uncomfortable explanations to those he meets as well.

It seems rather silly, but she's somewhat glad that at least she's been with him since the very beginning, since the night he lost his hand to now and all the nights of pain and loss in between.

Killian resumes reading, perhaps to distract his mind from his hand, and Emma settles down once more. His arm is still around her and she closes her eyes, drifting off to the sun on her skin and Killian's equally warm voice above her.

Emma wakes up some time later, blinking in disorientation. It's still light, although the sky and the temperature indicate that it's evening. There is a cushion from the couch under her head and the strawberries are gone, although her water bottle sits beside the book Killian was reading. She sees him standing at the end of the deck, looking out at the water ahead. It reminds her of their time in the coastal town, Killian looking out at the water along the pier there.

She quietly comes up behind him and puts her arms around his middle, pressing her face against his back. She feels the vibration when he says 'hello, love' and she sighs, feeling content.

'You fall asleep so easily, you're like a child.' Killian teases, moving so he can put his arm around her shoulders while she's tucked into his side.

'Not always.' Emma comments vaguely. Killian kisses her temple and hums contemplatively but doesn't question her and she is both grateful and disappointed.

'I found it hard to fall asleep when I was a kid. I very rarely felt safe enough.' Emma shares, hoping he also hears what she doesn't say out loud. He seems to, his grip on her tightening slightly.

'Does Jefferson know about us?' She asks suddenly. Jefferson had been in and out of the house this morning running errands and as far as Emma was aware he didn't know she had visited (and stayed) in Killian's room last night.

'He knows how I feel about you. He asked me last night once you had gone to bed.' Killian replies, sounding surprised at her question.

'So you hadn't told him before I came here?'

'No. I didn't want him to know but a few hours of seeing me around you it was obviously rather clear to him.' Killian shrugs, a sheepish smile on his face.

'Graham thought I liked you. He mentioned it after I regretted kissing him.' Emma tells him, noticing the smallest of reactions to the mentioned kiss before his smile widens.

'How were we so oblivious to each other?' He asks, and she really has no answer for him besides laughter and a kiss that soon turns heated. Emma loves that Killian is soft and affectionate with his kisses, but she also loves when he kisses her with more heat and desire, the kisses that make her light-headed and dazed.

They return to the house an hour later, Jefferson looking down at their joined hands and grinning, winking at Killian as they prepare dinner in the kitchen. Emma retrieves her phone from her room, having left it there all day (she was finally with the person she usually anticipated messages from) and scrolls through various notifications.

There's a message from Elsa asking how she is and Emma grins as she replies with an update on her status with Killian. Elsa responds immediately with exclamation points and emoji's, followed by a more serious message saying she is happy for her.

Emma returns to the kitchen to find Killian by himself and Emma looks around curiously for Jefferson.

'He's on the phone. Grace was hurt at camp and a chaperon called him to let him know she's okay. She needed stitches for the cut on her head but she doesn't want to come home yet. He's just talking to her now.' Killian explains, his hand firmly on her hip as she stands beside him. She's about to say something about Grace but Killian begins kissing her neck and all other thoughts leave her mind.

'…Okay, love you too, bye Monkey.' Jefferson's voice gets louder as he walks back to the kitchen and Killian leaves one last (firm) kiss on her neck before checking on everything for dinner, looking innocent enough when Jefferson returns.

'Grace has been going to camp for years now and every time I'm terrified something will happen. Fortunately she's okay.' Jefferson sighs as he slides onto a stool at the breakfast bar.

'Where did the nickname Monkey come from?' Emma asks, hoping to distract him.

'When she was four she was obsessed with monkeys and she always had some monkey toy in her hand when she fell asleep. Her mother started calling her monkey and after she passed I wanted the little joke to keep going.' Jefferson explains, running his hands through his hair. Emma chews her lip, wondering if the mention of his dead wife will only make matters worse.

Jefferson seems to calm down over dinner, relief setting in that his daughter is okay despite him not being able to be with her. He goes to bed rather early afterwards but Emma isn't surprised and hopes that Grace will be back soon for her father's sake.

'Grace is all he has now. The first year she went to camp he cried more than she did.' Killian tells her as they clear away the dishes from dinner. The story would have been funny under different circumstances but Emma knows what it's like to cling to whatever you have left and hope that you never lose it.

'When does she come back?' Emma wonders as she closes the dishwasher and turns off the spotlights in the kitchen.

'Next Friday. Jefferson will be anxious right until she's back in his arms.' Killian says quietly and Emma notices a picture of the father and daughter on the table by the front door. In her amazement at the house she hadn't noticed the more personal details when she first arrived but now she sees the family pictures, Grace at the center of most frames. Some have a woman in them and it's clear that she is Grace's mother.

'How did she die?' Emma asks gently as Killian turns the rest of the lights off.

'Cancer. It was advanced and it happened quickly. The only good thing was that Grace didn't have to see her mum sick in bed for a long time. She could remember her like she had always known her.' Killian says, an edge to his voice that makes her stomach drop.

'Who did you lose?'

'My mother.' Killian is heading upstairs before she can reply and she follows him, her heart heavy as she thinks about him losing so many people. She doesn't bother going to her own room and Killian seems to have every intention of sharing his bed with her again too, pulling her in and pressing her against the door as soon as he closes it.

'I love you.' Killian murmurs between frantic kisses. He says it over and over, pressing the words into her lips and neck and in her hair until he stops to breathe and she sees his flushed cheeks. Emma silently soothes him, her hands carding through his hair and her nose brushing against his.

'I know. I love you, too.' She reassures him, relieved when he seems to nod and relax. Killian seems embarrassed by his sudden burst of emotions as he steps back, scratching his ear and clearing his throat.

'Apologies, Swan.' He shrugs as he searches for his pajama pants. She licks her lips, still feeling his many kisses on her.

'What was that about? I'm not complaining, but something is obviously bothering you.' Emma says gently, stepping away from the door and busying her hands with untangling the braid in her hair. Killian hesitates, clearly debating whether to smile and shrug it off or tell her the truth.

'Jefferson lost his wife, Grace her mother. I lost my own mother, and Liam and Milah. The time we get with the people we love is never enough. I've _just_ found you, the thought of losing you drives me crazy.' He admits, finding his pants and picking them up with force.

Emma watches him change into his pajamas rather roughly, forcefully pulling up each pant leg and kicking the balled up shirt he'd dropped to the floor.

'Do I mean that much to you?' Emma asks quietly, her cheeks flushing when Killian turns back to her looking shocked.

'Of course you do. I love you.' Killian replies as if it is the most obvious thing and Emma looks down at the rug by the bed, brushing her toes over the soft material. She knows that Killian loves her, but she's sure he would be fine if he lost her (long term anyway, he would accept it and move on from her just as he did Milah, although she doesn't want to say that to him).

'I know you do. But I've known that about someone before and they didn't seem that bothered about losing me, in the end. In fact they left me, in a jail cell to be exact.' Emma blurts out.

'What? Who was it?' Killian asks roughly, lacking his usual restraint when it comes to mentions of her past.

'I shouldn't have said anything, I don't want to talk to about.' Emma shrugs, glancing up to see Killian soften. Neal used to push when she shrugged things off. Killian doesn't.

'You can tell me when you're ready. Or keep it to yourself if you prefer, but I'll be here regardless.' He says gently and it warms her heart to know he is telling the truth.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:** This chapter took a bit longer to write as I've been busy but it's finally done so I hope everyone enjoys it :) There's probably going to be one more chapter and an epilogue so this story is almost over! As always, thanks for the follows, favourites and reviews!

* * *

The weekend goes by far too quickly for Emma's liking and she's already packing up her bags to drive back home. It has felt like she and Killian were on their honeymoon, entirely wrapped up in happiness together and spending most of their time with each other. It's been perfect and Emma doesn't want it to end.

Killian has been a close friend for a while but they've spent this time getting to know one another more intimately, discovering personal things about their pasts and their private thoughts. Emma shared plenty of things from her childhood but hasn't gone further than that, conveniently stopping before she reaches stories and memories from her later teen years and beyond. One step at a time.

'Can't you call in sick? Then you don't need to be back for work.' Killian murmurs as he brushes her hair off her shoulder and kisses her skin, distracting her as she tries to fold a shirt so that she ends up shoving it into her bag carelessly.

'I used one of my leave days on Friday, Regina would know something was up the second I called.' Emma replies, trying and failing not to smile at the way his fingers tangle with hers on top of her bag.

'But I don't want you to leave.'

'Then come back with me.'

'I can't, not yet.'

They had discussed Killian's plans to stay a few more weeks a couple of times, both times moments of slight tension that made Emma drop the subject to avoid arguing. She knew Killian wanted to work on the yacht but it seemed practically finished, save a few final details but definitely not several weeks' worth. He had told her about coming out here to consider his feelings for her but she knows there is something else.

'Just promise me you'll come back soon? I'll miss you even more now.' Emma sighs, closing her eyes as she leans against Killian. In hindsight, it was easier to be away from him when she was struggling with her assumed unreciprocated feelings for him, but now she knows how he feels (and how he kisses) Emma doesn't want to be away from him anymore.

'I promise.' Killian says quietly and she nods. She's almost certain this has nothing to do with them or her and so, despite not being fond of it, accepts that he will be staying a little while longer.

Emma delays her departure for as long as possible until she reluctantly admits that she needs to leave before it gets late so she isn't driving at night.

'Thank you so much for letting me stay here, it was wonderful to meet you.' Emma says to Jefferson as he battles with Charlie to get to the front door. The dog, thinking he is going for a walk, wags his tail excitedly and she grins, ruffling the fur behind his ears as Jefferson picks up her bag and slings it over his shoulder.

'No problem at all. It was great to meet you too, Killian is a rather lucky guy.' Jefferson winks at Killian standing behind her, who hums and puts his arms around Emma's middle. Jefferson dips his head with a smirk and takes her bag out to the car, which she could have done easily herself but she's grateful for him giving them a moment alone. Charlie bounds off out the door too and the foyer is suddenly silent.

'Call me when you get home, no matter how late it is.' Killian murmurs in her ear and Emma closes her eyes tightly, trying not to think about getting back to her dark and empty apartment and falling asleep without him.

'I love you.' Emma sighs as she turns around to face him, kissing him to avoid meeting his eyes. She hears the car door close and quickly presses herself closer to Killian before pulling away.

'I love you too.' He says sincerely and Emma smiles, the words inciting a pleasant buzz in her chest despite hearing them plenty of times the past few days.

She says goodbye, stealing a few more kisses before she closes her car door and drives away, looking at Killian in the mirror. Emma turns the radio up once she's on the highway, reminding herself that their time apart will be short and more importantly that this entire weekend really happened, that she's in love and Killian loves her too. Her mood improves at that thought and she smiles, thinking of pulling on the sweater she stole from him when she gets home.

* * *

Despite how life changing the past weekend has been for her, work pulls Emma back down to reality with several cases, numerous papers to file, a couple of stakeout nights and one dramatic pursuit of a suspect around the park downtown.

In between work she's fit in a catch up with Elsa, who demands to know everything about her casual visit turned romantic getaway with Killian. Emma also runs into Belle at the precinct, thanks to her now dating Will and bringing him lunch regularly. They've never actually spoken much given everything that was going on at the time of their meeting but Belle seems like a sweet person (she's definitely softening Will up and making him a lot more bearable).

Emma asks her if she knows whether there is a new book that Killian would like and Belle smiles knowingly, which for some reason makes Emma blush. Their relationship seems to be absolutely no surprise to anyone that knows them.

Each day ends with a phone call to Killian that calms her down after work, hearing his laughter and soft voice that instantly relaxes her. A couple of times she's asked him to read his book aloud to her over the phone and she puts it on speaker, closing her eyes and imagining he is really there with her.

'Goodnight, sweetheart.' Killian says softly over the phone one night just as she begins dozing off. It makes her stomach flip to hear him call her that and she smiles as she says goodbye and hangs up, very much looking forward to the day he comes back.

* * *

Killian tugs on his shirt to straighten out the rogue creases and exhales as he makes his way up the stairwell. He had brushed his teeth, used mouthwash and chewed gum on the way here and he's still self-conscious of his breath. He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the glass panel of a door and brushes down his hair nervously.

Perhaps he should have called first, but he wanted to see Emma's reaction to his return in person. He had stayed another two weeks after Emma left from her weekend trip and given the months he had been away prior, 14 days didn't seem an awful lot. (It is an awfully long time to spend thinking about kissing her and not being able to however).

Killian nervously shakes out his hand before knocking on her door, hoping his smile will look genuine to her and not a reflection of the knot in his stomach. He hears her approach the door and inhales as it opens, quickly letting out the breath when he doesn't see blonde hair and green eyes but a stubbled man in a leather jacket.

'Can I help you?' The man asks and Killian frowns, his nerves of anticipation turning into uneasiness.

'I'm looking for Emma Swan.' Killian says, glancing into the apartment. It still looks like Emma's place with all her furniture and personal items and the subtle but familiar scent of her home.

'Oh, yeah she's in the shower right now. You can come in and wait for her if you want.' The man smiles and Killian's stomach drops. Just who is this guy, answering Emma's door and hanging around her home while she's in the shower? He awkwardly enters the apartment and glances around, noticing how there are two mugs on the coffee table and several dishes in the kitchen, more than just one person's worth.

Killian sits on the couch, his stomach lurching when he sees a laundry basket by Emma's bedroom door with men's clothes in as well as her own. Maybe he was just a friend, staying with her for a couple of days (even if he had never heard of this friend before). Perhaps he was a relative, although knowing that Emma was in the foster system as a child he thought it unlikely.

He definitely should have called first.

* * *

Emma picks up (another) stray at a crime scene but quickly discovers that this situation is nothing like when she took Killian in. August Booth had come to the city with the responsibility of delivering a message to someone and was promised a lot of money for doing so.

He tells her that he is a writer struggling to make ends meet and despite the suspicious circumstances he had leapt at the job, which ended up situating him in the middle of two gangs that nearly killed him in the process of attempting to take each other out. After not receiving the promised money he was in a tight spot and Emma had rolled her eyes, knowing it was a bad idea to let him crash at her place for a few days but one thought of what could have happened to Killian had she not done the same for him makes her relent.

August is messy and as hopeless as she is in the kitchen. His small bag of belongings seems to have more shirts than it can hold and Emma raises her eyebrows at the brand names and logos on them when she does the laundry, noting how expensive such clothes were, particularly for someone in a 'tight spot'. She says nothing though; August is intentionally vague and mysterious with the little information he shares about himself and she's fine with it, as long as he doesn't cause trouble with her and agrees to go back home soon.

She comes back from her Sunday morning jog with Elsa to August lounging around on the couch and she grimaces, missing the way Killian would curl up with a book on the couch and not take up the whole thing.

'I'm going for a shower.' Emma calls as she pulls her hair out of a ponytail and runs her fingers through it. August isn't a terrible guest per sue, but after living with Killian she notices all the ways August is different and she finds it rather irritating (perhaps because it makes her miss Killian more than anything else). At least August isn't in danger anymore and just needs a place to crash for a few days, or so she keeps reiterating in her mind.

Emma spends longer in the shower than usual, welcoming the hot water on her muscles despite the heat of the summer. She's meeting Ruby for lunch later and needs to get ready but reality seems void for a moment when she's standing under the spray of the water. After a few extra minutes under the hot water she sighs and turns it off, getting herself dressed and ready for the day ahead. Emma dries off the tips of her hair but lets the rest dry naturally, brushing through it gently as she leaves the bathroom.

She almost drops her hairbrush at the sight of Killian sitting in the armchair, a sheepish smile on his face as he looks at her. Emma runs to him, Killian standing up just in time to catch her in his arms for a tight embrace.

'You didn't tell me you were coming home today.' Emma mumbles against his chest, inhaling his scent of aftershave and mint. His skin feels warm beneath his shirt and she smiles at the memory of lying out on his yacht, his bare chest hot from the touch of the sun.

'I wanted to surprise you.' Killian replies softly and she sighs, feeling the weight of the past two weeks, and their previous months apart, lift off her. Emma hears the bathroom door close and she suddenly remembers August, glad he seems to be giving her some privacy with Killian (who will no doubt want an explanation as to who this stranger is).

'I love you.' Emma grins, lifting her head to kiss him. She can taste the mint on his lips and she slides her tongue against his with a groan, enjoying the way he brushes his hand through her wet hair.

'I love you too.' Killian replies quietly once they pull apart and Emma feels the familiar buzz of happiness in her chest at hearing those words from him. She breathes in and out slowly, realization hitting her that that he is back and their relationship is now very much a reality and not just the events of an amazing weekend.

They grab coffee in a café near her apartment, away from August's prying eyes and ears. It isn't ideal, (Emma had had various thoughts on what their reunion would be like and all of them required them being alone) but she's just happy to have Killian back for good now.

'You're making it a habit of being a halfway house, lass.' Killian teases, Emma rolling her eyes and taking a sip of her coffee.

'Two people is not a habit. Besides, August is only staying a couple of days.' She waves off and it is clear that he can barely contain his elation over the stubbled man in her apartment not being a new boyfriend or a one night stand.

'You have more freckles than I remember.' Killian says suddenly and she looks up at him in surprise before smiling.

'Must be from the sun that weekend.' She explains, glancing down at her arms to see if she notices the change to her own skin. Sure enough, there are more freckles than she had before, her fair skin dusted with light brown dots.

'I love that about you.' Killian murmurs, extending his hand to gently brush his thumb over her knuckles. Emma feels the air shift between them, her eyes locked on his in a heated gaze that makes her cheeks flush. Memories from their weekend together come back to her, the feel of his hand across her body, gentle but firm as his fingers trail the lace detail of her underwear. They had done nothing more than exploratory touches of the other's skin, but even then he'd had her burning with desire.

Her phone vibrates on the table beside her coffee and it makes her jump, the heated atmosphere between them now broken.

'That was Ruby. We were meeting for lunch thirty minutes ago but I totally forgot.' Emma sighs as she reads the message.

'Oh, I'm sorry for keeping you, Swan.' Killian apologizes but Emma shakes her head and reaches back across the table for his hand.

'You've been away and I didn't get to see you for very long the other week. I saw Ruby yesterday, and she mostly spends our time together gushing about the doctor she's dating.' Emma rolls her eyes with a small smile, already wishing she could just cancel on Ruby and spend the whole day with Killian. She still could, but no matter how much she's missed Killian and wants to be with him, she doesn't want to be the person that ignores their friends to spend time with their boyfriend, even Ruby doesn't do that.

'Can I stop by your place later?' Emma adds, enjoying the way Killian smiles and curls his hand around hers.

'Aye, sounds wonderful. I should probably clean out the apartment and go grocery shopping this afternoon, the place is a bit neglected after several months away.' Killian explains and Emma fondly wonders whether he will buy some fresh plants to brighten the place up.

She hugs him goodbye, squeezing him tightly despite knowing that he is back and she will see him again in a few hours.

'I'm so happy to be back. Or rather I'm happy I have you.' Killian says quietly, thumb resting on her lip as he looks into her eyes. Emma thinks over his words long after they've parted and somehow manages to pick them apart until they give her anxiety, stressing over things he didn't even say but could have meant.

* * *

Killian spends his day cleaning his apartment, washing clothes, restocking his kitchen and sorting through mail. Despite all the work it's oddly satisfying and he enjoys getting settled back into his home. Emma messages to say she is coming over soon and he quickly finishes dusting off the counter tops and goes for a shower, the clean, warm water washing away the sweat and grime of the day's excursions.

It feels odd to be home. In some ways it feels like he never left and in others it feels like it isn't quite home at all. It had felt odd being in his apartment before he left anyway, having spent a couple of months at Emma's and getting used to living with another person. Now the apartment feels quiet and empty, more so than Jefferson's large house did when he was at work and Grace at school and Killian was alone.

Killian is relieved when Emma knocks on the door and he opens it to see her smiling at him brightly holding a bakery box.

'I could lie and say I baked this for you but you know me too well.' Emma says as she enters the apartment and heads to the kitchen. He watches her, distracted by how beautiful and happy she is and he forgets to close the door until voices from down the hall remind him it's open.

'Emma.' He says softly as she helps herself to a bottle of water.

'Yeah? Do you want some of this pie now? It's still warm.' Emma continues and he smiles to himself as she bustles around his kitchen like it's hers.

'Emma.' He repeats and this time she looks up. Her amused expression softens and he loves the way he can read her face so well.

'Come here.' Killian murmurs, glad when she walks towards him without question. He catches her bottom lip trembling before she tucks her head into his neck as they embrace and he knows her walls have just come down.

'I'm scared.' Emma admits and he closes his eyes with a sigh.

'Aye, me too.'

He wishes Emma hadn't been so kind and offered August a place to stay. He wishes they could be at her apartment alone so he could feel more at home than at his place. He wishes that he could know what he is going to do with his life, with his job and his future. The only thing he doesn't have to wish for anymore is to be with Emma.

They share the pie, still warm as they settle down on the couch with one slice and two forks. Killian lets her have the last bite but kisses her so he can still taste it on her lips. Emma hums against him and pulls away to put the plate on the coffee table, licking her lips in a way that makes his stomach flip.

'You would never know, looking at that picture.' Emma suddenly says and Killian blinks until he's more focused, realizing what Emma is talking about. She's looking at the picture of him and Milah on the coffee table, the one they'd taken at his bookstore after many hours of talking. His chest tightens and he swallows thickly.

'I'm sorry, I should have thought to take it down.' Killian apologizes but Emma reaches for him, hand squeezing his arm as she looks back at him.

'That's not necessary. You don't need to erase Milah from your life, especially not for me. I just want you to be happy, even if that's not here.' Emma says firmly and he frowns in confusion.

'What do you mean?' He asks, gently tugging Emma back beside him.

'Earlier you said you were happy to be back, or rather that you had me and I just wondered if you wouldn't have even come back here if it weren't for me. I don't want you to stay somewhere you don't want to be just for my sake.' Emma focuses on her hand in his as she speaks and he separates from her to tilt her chin up gently.

'I'm a little bit at odds right now, Swan. I've been out of town for months and I came back to an apartment that doesn't feel like home. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing with my business and I don't know what my next step is, but I'll figure it out. You're the only thing I'm sure of right now, that's all.' Killian explains, watching Emma's green eyes widen and her eyelashes flutter as she looks away sheepishly.

'Are you happy though?' Emma asks, tucking her hair behind her ear. Killian smiles, following the path of her fingers through her hair until he finds her hand again.

'More than I thought possible.' He says sincerely. Emma tucks herself into his side wordlessly, although he hears her sigh once she's comfortably curled against him. Her fingers find his stump and he feels himself tense despite the fact that Emma is the only person he truly feels comfortable with. She's gentle and light with her touch as she feels across his scars and a thump forms in his throat.

'I know we have this unspoken rule not to mention Gold, but I need to tell you something about him.' Emma says quietly and shock runs through him. It was true that they had silently agreed not to discuss Gold, at least not while they were enjoying a quiet moment together, which is why Emma bringing him up makes him feel nauseous.

'What is it?' Killian asks anxiously.

'A few days ago I got a call from the prison he's in. He made a request for me to visit him.' Emma shares and Killian feels some of the tension leave his shoulders. He'd rather Gold wasn't making requests to see Emma but at least for now the man is safely behind bars and can't hurt her.

'Since when can prisoners make requests like that?' He snorts, rubbing Emma's back as she sits up with an expression of relief on her face.

'Well, they can't really but Gold claims he wants to share information about his partners in the drug business, for something in return of course. With all the charges stacked against him he isn't going to get a deal or a shortened sentence so God knows what he wants.' Emma rolls her eyes and for a second her disgust over Gold amuses him.

'What if he doesn't even have any information, none that he wants to share anyway. What if he wants to see you for another reason?' Killian questions and Emma hums in disdain.

'That's what I've been wondering. It must be killing him to not be in control. Maybe this is his attempt to threaten or scare me or even to get to you. He's a smart man, I'm sure he's been cooking up something sitting in that cell.' He can see Emma's mind at work as she chews her lip and he squeezes her shoulder until she relaxes.

'I'm glad you told me. Before, you would have just gone there without saying anything, I appreciate you sharing with me.' Killian says softly, pleased when Emma smiles, albeit sheepishly.

'That's what people do in relationships, right? I'm not exactly well-versed in this kind of thing.' Emma shrugs and a sudden wave of affection for her hits him. Emma has made comments here and there about her previous relationships but nothing too detailed. He had just assumed her experiences were rather terrible but he hadn't thought about her not actually having much experience at serious relationships.

'I don't pretend to know all about relationships myself but I've heard communication is the key.' Killian jokes lightly, coaxing a little laugh from Emma. He pushes thoughts of Gold and Emma's past to the back of his mind and pulls her closer, kissing her lips that curve into a smile. He is perfectly content to simply kiss her but Emma's hands quickly begin to wander across his body and there's a fire in her eyes when she pulls back to look at him, her tongue running across her bottom lip just as his had a moment ago.

His skin prickles with desire and he swallows thickly. Killian hadn't slept with Milah and it had been a while before her that he had been with anyone else. He wonders if Emma would judge him if he told her he was a little nervous.

'It's been a while for me too. It's been even longer since I was with someone I actually loved.' Emma murmurs knowingly, the flushing of her cheeks not entirely from desire. Killian exhales and scoops Emma up against him, carrying her towards his bedroom. She laughs in his ear at the sudden movement and the sound makes his stomach flip.

They're both eager but tentative at first, Emma's laughter turning nervous as she shuffles out of her shorts and tank top. Killian takes time to kiss every scar on her skin, the ones from the wounds he had cleaned that night she was hurt. He had tried to avert his gaze that time, to not look at her appreciatively but rather to focus on her injuries. Now he takes her in unashamedly, muttering compliments as he kisses her. Emma seems overwhelmed but he doesn't plan to ever stop telling her how wonderful and beautiful she is.

Killian is sure they will have plenty of time to explore each other in other ways but this time is slow and gentle, far more intense than he had expected. Emma's cheeks are flushed red but her skin is covered in goose bumps as she shudders against him, whispering words of love that have him holding on to her more tightly.

There is still a smile on her lips as she closes her eyes and pulls the sheet over herself, her hands reaching out for him and curling around his chest. Killian shuffles closer and holds her willingly, remembering that night she was hurt once again, thinking about how he had been so tense lying beside her for fear of hurting or overwhelming her despite his desire to hold her.

Despite Emma's closed eyes he can tell she is still awake. It's probably late now, the light of the summer evening fading outside as they lie together in peaceful silence. Killian feels sleep tug at him, contentment and satisfaction lulling him into a lethargic haze.

'That night we stayed in Storybrooke- God I still can't say that seriously.' Emma starts before scoffing and he chuckles, lifting her hand off his chest to lace their fingers together.

'That night…I had a dream. I woke up a few hours after falling asleep and I felt sick. In the dream you had died, Gold had killed you when I left the house. I came back in and found your body. When I woke up it felt so real until I realized you were lying right beside me and I was so relieved I hugged you. I felt ridiculous but even though you were sleeping you moved to put your arm around me and everything was okay.' Emma shares and Killian tries desperately to recall that night in case he even vaguely remembers having Emma in his arms.

'Have you had any other dreams about what's been going on?' He asks with concern and he feels her shake her head against him.

'No, not that I remember when I wake up anyway. I think because I was so stressed that day my anxiety was coming out in the form of a nightmare.' Emma sighs and he kisses her temple lightly. She seems to be getting sleepy too, her breathing changing as she gradually drifts off. He doesn't spend much more time awake either, holding her close as he falls asleep too. It's suddenly the easiest thing in the world with the woman he loves by his side.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** I decided to split the final chapter so there is still one more plus the epilogue after this update. Hope everyone enjoys the chapter and I appreciate the follows, favorites and reviews!

* * *

It's another week until August actually leaves Emma's apartment and Killian doesn't hide his pleasure to see the man go. Killian went over a couple of nights and made dinner for the three of them and while August wasn't a bad guy by any means, his presence was a little irritating to say the least.

He asked rather bluntly how Killian lost his hand and made crude jokes as to what he could and couldn't do with one hand. Killian thought Emma was going to throw the man out right then and there but Killian defused the situation, although he gave her a grateful smile that she had his back.

August was also incredibly nosy for a man that shared very little about his own life. He asked Emma personal questions that even Killian didn't know the answer to yet and he saw the way Emma grew uncomfortable with the invasion this stranger was beginning to have on her life.

Killian comes early Saturday morning to have breakfast with Emma and is relieved to see August zipping up his bag ready to leave. He and Emma offer well wishes for his trip back home but mostly to be polite, both of them sagging with relief when the door closes behind him. Emma locks it for good measure and leans against the door with a loud exhale.

'I am never taking in anyone I meet at a crime scene ever again.' Emma groans and Killian chuckles as he prepares coffee and flips the pancakes in the kitchen.

'It's not an entirely bad thing, love. You did meet me that way.' He offers, a grin on his face as Emma walks up behind him and puts her arms around his middle.

'Yes, but what are the chances that I meet another attractive man with an accent that can cook and reads a lot of books?' Emma teases.

'Hmm, very slim I'd say. Why, are you in the market for another man?' Killian replies with false offense.

'Definitely not, I have a pretty great one right here.' Emma says genuinely, squeezing a little tighter before stepping away to get her mug of coffee.

'I was thinking, should I meet your friends? Officially speaking, of course. I've met Graham and Ruby briefly, but I've never met Elsa and she's your best friend.' Killian says, trying to sound casual and not the least bit intimidated by the idea despite being the one to suggest it.

'Sure, if you want to. Elsa is dying to meet you after all.' Emma replies and his chest tightens at the thought of meeting Elsa. Emma isn't exactly someone who needs the approval of others to do something (or be with someone) but he wants to impress her friend nonetheless, particularly as Elsa was the person Emma confided in about her feelings for him before he even knew.

'We can go for drinks tonight if you want? It will be casual and everybody will be coupled off if we have to make an exit. Well, everybody except Elsa, but Ruby will bring Victor, Graham his girlfriend and Belle will probably come if Will is.' He can feel Emma's eyes on his back at the mention of Will and he smirks.

'Yes, it would be good to meet this Will Scarlet.' Is all he says and he's sure Emma muffles a snort into her coffee mug as she takes a drink.

'Just remember that the way you are about Will is the way Elsa is about you. She may have heard all the good things I've said but she won't be pleased with you until she knows you won't hurt me, or at least that you know _she_ will hurt _you_ if you do.' Emma says with a serious edge to her otherwise playful tone.

Killian pays close attention to the pancakes as he flips them one last time and puts them out on the plate. It's been a while since he has been in the situation to meet his significant other's friends, to really be welcomed into their life instead of being a hidden secret in a quiet bookstore.

They sit down at the table for breakfast, Emma lathering her pancakes in syrup and justifying it with a scattering of fruit on top. She's told him snippets about her eating habits as a kid, how she would only have bland cereal or dry toast if she ate at all in the morning before school. She used to eat quickly to avoid her food being stolen by the older kids and rarely enjoyed the food she ate. These things sometimes resurface in his mind when he teases her about her lack of skills in the kitchen and his heart squeezes at the sight of her licking her lips in approval of the pancakes.

'I love you.' Killian says quietly, ignoring his own pancakes to look at Emma. She's taken aback by his random expression of love and she looks delightfully confused, her next mouthful of pancake hanging on the tip of her fork mid-air.

'I was just thinking about how much better the day is when I start it with you.' Killian smiles, raising an eyebrow before looking down at his plate and cutting into his pancakes.

'Were you also thinking about what I told you?' Emma asks a moment later, taking a drink of orange juice while she waits for him to respond. It's clear what she is referring to and it also must be clear to her that he was indeed thinking about it.

'Is it so bad if that makes me love you more? I don't mean out of pity, I know you would hate that. It just makes me want to do everything I can to make you happy.' Killian shares honestly, watching an array of expressions quickly cross Emma's face.

'What if you taught me to cook?' Emma suggests and it's Killian's turn to be taken aback.

'I would love to, if you want that.' He replies, his chest tightening when he notices the light flush of her cheeks.

'I've never really had the opportunity to learn, and I know that you know your way around a kitchen.' She offers him a shy smile and he laughs, enjoying the current of electricity that seems to be passing between them. There are moments when it feels as though they've only just met and this is one of them. Despite being friends for several months and sharing personal parts of themselves with each other, there is an apprehensive quality to their interactions, as though unsure whether they feel the same way despite knowing they do.

'I love you, too.' Emma shares when they've finished their pancakes. She stands to clear away the dishes, bending to kiss his cheek as she picks up his plate and walks into the kitchen. He watches her, smirking when she tries to subtly look at him over her shoulder as she stands at the sink. Emma bites her lip and looks away, a gesture that makes his skin prickle with heat.

Killian joins her in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck. She leans forward to turn the running water off before leaning back into him, humming in approval as he moves his lips across her skin.

'Remember when you said that me being in your bed was a one-time thing?' Killian murmurs in her ear and she chuckles, turning her head slightly so his lips are on her cheek.

'I can't believe I thought I'd get rid of you so easily.' Emma teases and he tilts his hips into her in response.

'It was kind of you to offer your bed to me that night, Emma. But I'd much rather you share with me from now on.' Killian murmurs, feeling Emma move against him so that their clothes cause an uncomfortable friction.

'Agreed.' Emma breathes before turning around and kissing him roughly. She tastes sweet like their breakfast, her mouth slightly sticky from the syrup.

They don't make it to the bed. He's certain this wasn't what she had in mind when she asked for help in the kitchen but she certainly doesn't complain and when she gasps his name and kisses him more gently a while later Killian has absolutely no complaints either.

* * *

Elsa is running late and the last one to arrive, which unnerves Emma for some reason. Graham greeted Killian rather warmly, but given that his girlfriend Rebecca was beside him she thought that his issue with Killian was no longer a problem. Ruby had grinned when Emma came in hand in hand with Killian, making a comment about how satisfied she looks and Emma rolled her eyes and fought off a flush.

Belle was pleased to see them both but gave Emma an amused look when Killian and Will shook hands, Killian's judgement ragingly obvious. Despite this however, Killian fits in with the group extremely well, carrying good conversations with everyone individually and the group as a whole and Emma can't stop herself beaming up at him.

Killian seems to notice her gaze and turns to her with heat in his eyes, resting his hand on her thigh and brushing his thumb over her skin. She misses the heat of him when he removes his hand to take a drink but rests right back there afterward, his skin slightly cooler from the condensation of his glass.

Everyone present knows about his hand and how he lost it and it's a relief to Emma that this particular conversation is not needed. In fact no one mentions or asks about the time they met or their relationship before they became a couple and Emma is grateful to her friends for being considerate regarding the matter.

Elsa rushes over to the booth, flustered but smiling as she takes in Emma's cozy position with Killian.

'Hey guys, sorry I'm late. You must be Killian, you're even more attractive than Emma gave you credit for. I'm Elsa.' Emma snorts at her friend's introduction but watches on as Killian and Elsa greet one another, a ball of anxiety developing in her chest.

Emma notices that Elsa seems a little preoccupied while settling herself in the booth with a drink and she narrows her eyes in suspicion.

'So how come you were late?' Emma tries to ask casually but feels Killian's hand tighten on her and knows it was anything but. Elsa shifts, moving her bag around her hip and taking a sip of her drink to stall.

'I may have had a date.' She shrugs and Emma leans across Killian with wide eyes to gawk at her best friend.

'And you didn't tell me?' Emma demands. Elsa's fingers travel to the end of her braid and Emma softens, recognizing the gesture as a sign of nerves.

'I wanted to see how it went first before sharing. But I had a good time and I think I will see her again.' Elsa avoids making eye contact with anyone at the table and Emma shrugs in understanding before realizing what Elsa had said. Elsa has never been one for sharing many details on her love life and Emma suddenly has an aching feeling of empathy for her friend's discomfort.

'So when do we get to meet her? You wanted to meet Killian to see if he is good enough so it's only fair I get to judge on your behalf.' Emma says firmly, heart squeezing when Elsa looks up in surprise and smiles.

'Maybe after a couple more dates, but I'll be nice about Killian if you go easy on her too.' Elsa grins, glancing at Killian with a raised eyebrow before looking back at Emma.

'Deal.' She nods, relaxing at the grateful look her friend gives her.

They shuffle around during the evening, Killian and Emma switching places in the booth so he can talk about soccer with Will and she can talk with Elsa. Killian reaches for her every so often, holding her hand or kissing her cheek. She blushes at the display of affection in front of her friends but enjoys every touch and glance that spreads warmth across her body.

Killian and Will, who seem to have bonded like brothers, leave to join Graham and Ruby's boyfriend Victor to play some darts and Elsa grins at her after Killian kisses her briefly.

'God, the way he looks at you is enough to sway me.' Elsa laughs and Emma's stomach flips at the thought of others seeing how clearly they are in love.

'Do you remember Walsh?' Emma asks suddenly and Elsa raises her eyebrows in shock before snorting.

'Yeah of course.' She replies and Emma smiles briefly at the disdain in Elsa's voice.

'When I shared parts of my past with Walsh he completely recoiled but this morning Killian told me that knowing my past made him love me more and he wants to make me happy. At the time I thought I was happy with Walsh but with Killian it's like a whole part of being in a relationship I've never experienced.' Emma looks over at Killian as she speaks, watching him throw a perfect shot at the dartboard and grin at Will as he pulls out money from his pocket and hands it over.

'Have you shared everything?' Elsa asks, following Emma's gaze to the other side of the bar before looking back at her

'No, but I'm not as scared to anymore. He's not a judgemental person at all but a part of me was worried he'd think less of me.' Emma says thoughtfully. She shifts when Belle, Ruby and Rebecca come back with another round of drinks, not wanting to share her insecurities with everyone.

'I don't think anything would make him think less of you, he'd only love you more.' Elsa says quietly a moment later and Emma smiles appreciatively at her friend. When the guys come back Emma curls into Killian's side, humming quietly as he brushes through her hair and tucks it behind her ear gently.

They stay close together for the rest of the night and as much as Emma is enjoying herself, she craves to be alone with him. After a couple more rounds of drinks, people start making their way home and Emma hugs everyone goodbye before climbing into a cab with Killian. She rests her head on his shoulder and vaguely hears him giving the driver her address (she hopes he plans on that being his only stop for tonight).

Emma realizes it is when he pays the driver and climbs out with her, hand resting on the small of her back as they make their way up to her apartment, and she's in a hazy, slightly tipsy bubble of happiness.

'So, what did you make of everyone?' Emma asks while she takes off her shoes and Killian does the same.

'Your friends are lovely, Swan. Elsa is a wonderful best friend to you, and I'll admit that Will is an alright guy.' He laughs, brushing his hand roughly through his hair and stretching.

'Graham still likes you, though.' He adds and she freezes.

'What?' Emma replies bluntly, her stomach dropping at this shocking bit of information.

'He didn't say anything if that is what you are wondering and yes, he did seem happy with Rebecca. That didn't stop him glancing longingly at you when you weren't looking though.' Killian explains, running his fingers down her arm and grasping her hand to pull her towards the couch.

'Is that why you were so affectionate then?' Emma says suspiciously, narrowing her eyes at him as they curl up on the sofa.

'Initially, no. But then I noticed and I felt…jealous. I don't know why; I was the one with you and you weren't returning his looks, but I suppose I wanted him to know that.' Killian replies and Emma chews her lip. She likes that Killian wanted to show that she was his, but she also knows how Graham feels, wanting someone that doesn't feel the same and he can't have. Emma had felt that way about Killian not too long ago, thinking he didn't feel the same and not wanting to act on her own feelings because of his grief for Milah.

'I suppose feelings don't just disappear because we can't act on them.' Emma shrugs, wondering if Graham had been looking at her that way since their kiss and she hadn't even realized.

'At least he's put your friendship above everything else. He could have given me a tough time but I think he sees how happy we are and knows you deserve that.' Killian says softly. Emma hears something in his voice, a slightly melancholic tone and she wonders why.

'Does it bother you that he feels that way?' Emma asks curiously, trailing her index finger up and down the inside of his arm, the skin a little lighter than the other side where he had tanned out on the yacht.

'No. Another person loving you is not a bad thing. I know you don't feel the same way and I trust you, so there is no harm in him harbouring feeling for you.' Killian replies and she exhales, shaking her head at his understanding.

'You are an amazingly caring and empathetic man.' She tells him, smiling when he laughs quietly. He smells faintly of rum and she leans up to kiss him, tasting it on his tongue.

'Nobody asked about my hand. I know they all know but…I thought they would stare. No one did.' Killian murmurs and Emma feels a sudden onset of tears sting her eyes.

'They just wanted to know that you make me happy, they don't care or judge you on anything else.' Emma replies, closing her eyes when Killian pulls her into his arms for a tight embrace.

'What did Elsa think of me?' He asks after a moment of calm silence and Emma smiles against his neck.

'She likes you a lot. She told me that she had planned to be tough on you but after noticing the way you looked at me she didn't need any more convincing.' Emma tells him. Silence falls between them once again and Emma feels her eyes getting heavy. Killian must sense her sleepiness as he gently ushers her up and guides her to the bedroom.

Emma hears him chuckle when he notices the gathering of his clothes that she had gradually made off with: a couple of sweaters, a pair of sweatpants and a shirt that was too large for the both of them and covered Emma almost down to her knees.

She starts undressing when Killian gently puts his hand over hers on her hip and starts unzipping her jeans for her, fingers lingering at the band of her panties as she shuffles the jeans off her legs. Killian pulls off her blouse next, discarding the thin material on the floor to focus on unhooking her bra. Emma is still tired but a bolt of heat courses through her and she closes her eyes at his delicate touch. Killian steps back suddenly, undressing himself and nodding to the bed.

'Come on, love. You look ready to fall asleep standing up.' He teases, shuffling into bed and welcoming her into the space beside him. They lie curled against each other, Killian's arms around her and their legs tangled.

'Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.' Killian murmurs after a moment and Emma tenses. Killian rarely asks her personal things, usually waiting for her to open up and tell him herself. She hums in agreement and she hears his intake of breath.

'Why were you crying that night I left to find Gold? I thought you were going to tell me, but then you realized I was leaving and changed the subject.' He asks. To his credit, he sounds more concerned than just plain nosy, and she appreciates that he remembers her being upset after everything. But the question also blindsides her and she feels her chest tighten.

'It's complicated.' Emma replies lamely, cringing at the terrible response. She turns to face him, toying with idea of telling him the truth. She has for a while now, thinking of telling him the thing that keeps her awake some nights.

'Like I said, you don't have to answer. I just wondered if it was something ongoing that still bothers you.' Killian replies softly, kissing her forehead. Everything about him is sincere and soft and kind and loving and she swallows down the fear of opening up and being vulnerable, taking a breath and meeting his eyes.

'I have a son.'

Clearly Killian hadn't anticipated hearing that and his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. He clears his throat and scrambles for something to say.

'Does he live with his father then?' He asks and Emma can't help the laugh that escapes her lips, causing Killian's eyes to widen.

'The father doesn't even know I was pregnant. He ran away and left me in jail before I even knew.' Emma scoffs. Killian's expression changes from surprise to disgust and her amusement quickly fades.

'You were pregnant in jail?' He says quietly and she feels the shame creep in.

'Yeah, gave birth with my ankles cuffed to the bed and everything.'

'When was this?'

'I was 17.'

The silence grows and Emma fidgets in bed, worried what Killian now thinks of her. The only person she had ever told was Elsa, who had never judged her for second because of it.

'So where is the boy now?' Killian finally says and Emma feels her bottom lip tremble.

'I don't know. It was a closed adoption. I sometimes wonder if he will find me on his own somehow. It's the real reason I became a cop, so that if he ever did find me he would be proud that his birth mother managed to turn her life around and do something good.' Emma feels the tears coming and buries her head into Killian's chest, relieved when his arms come around her. He doesn't say anything but his embrace is comforting enough.

'That night I was crying, I was thinking about what it would have been like to keep him. I didn't even hold him when I gave birth because I knew if I did I wouldn't be able to give him up. It wouldn't have been fair to him to have a teenage girl fresh out of jail as his mother, that's not the life he deserved. I just hope he's had a happy childhood, not like what I had.' Emma muses aloud, sniffing and wiping away her tears.

'Were you...afraid to tell me? Did you think I would judge you?' Killian asks and Emma lifts her head from his chest to look at him.

'I wasn't afraid but I did worry you would judge me. It's not exactly admirable ending up in jail and being a teen mom.' Emma replies. Killian's hand brushes through her hair and she relaxes at his touch, closing her eyes when his fingers reach her neck.

'You were young. You grew up without a steady family or home, without a role model and someone to care for you. I'm sure anyone in that position would fall deeply for a person that did offer those things. The man that left you though, him I judge.' Killian tells her, his gentle tone become brisk at the mention of the man that left her.

'I used to think about what could have happened if Neal didn't leave me, if he hadn't set me up and he got away with stealing those damn watches. If we really would have gone to Tallahassee like we planned to start a life together, raising our son together. They were stupid daydreams where I could pretend the only person that had ever loved me hadn't hurt me the most.' Emma feels unexpectedly calm as she speaks, feeling relief at getting these thoughts out of her mind.

'I'm sorry you had to go through that.' Killian murmurs, holding her so close she feels his heart beat against her own chest.

'I like to think it made me stronger. Like you said, it's easy to fall for someone that gives you attention when you've had so little. It gave me perspective.' Emma says with a little nod to herself. The conversation has been rather cathartic, more so than when she shared with Elsa, although her friend was caring and sympathetic at all the right moments. With Killian, she can finally have the realization of the kind of love she deserves.

'Anyway, that was why I was upset that night.' Emma exhales, lips curving when Killian lifts her chin to kiss her. They don't say anything else on the matter, Killian doesn't ask anymore questions and Emma doesn't share anymore details. They simply appreciate being with each other, driving out past aches and pains with loving kisses and touches.

'I love you so much, sweetheart.' Killian whispers a while later, his voice deep and rough on the cusp of sleep.

Emma doesn't cry, but she also doesn't push away the wave of emotions that surge inside her at his words. She's positive he's asleep now that she hears a light snore from behind her, but she returns the words anyway, lips twitching at the way his arm tightens around her as if it's a subconscious reaction.

Her skin begins to prickle with sweat from the heat of the warm night and their embrace but she doesn't move away from him, falling asleep in his arms and waking up in the same position the following morning, Killian's lips brushing across her chest until she rouses. It's the most perfect way to begin and end her days.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** This was meant to be the second half of the previous chapter but it somehow snowballed into the longest chapter of the whole story! It's also the final, although there is still the epilogue to come. There is a very small mention/allusion of depression/self-harm but just wanted to say in case this bothers some people. I hope this chapter is enjoyable and thank you so much for the follows/favorites and reviews!

* * *

A moment after he knocks, Emma answers the door and Killian very literally feels his jaw slacken at the sight of her. A tight red dress wraps around her body, highlighting every curve that he had been memorizing only this morning. Her long legs are bare and sky high black heels are on her feet. Her hair is perfectly curled and her lips are painted red, bright against her white teeth when she smiles.

'Oh, hey Killian. I'm just leaving, is there something I can help you with?' Emma asks innocently, but the twinkle in her eye gives away the fact that she knows exactly what effect she's having on him. In the time they've known each other he has never seen her dress up like this and it makes his heartbeat quicken, both from attraction and disappointment. It is clear that she is going out somewhere and it wasn't with him.

'I was actually just coming over to see if you wanted dinner, but clearly I should have called first.' He isn't irritated but there is definitely something that bothers him about Emma's plans to go out that he hadn't been aware of. She would have told him about a girl's night out and would have invited him if it was drinks with the whole group, which leaves him thinking of less than desirable possibilities.

'I won't be long if you want to stay here. I would love you forever if you cook something nice for dinner.' Emma tilts her head and widens her eyes as a ploy to look cute and he smiles despite himself. She's in a playful mood tonight and he tries to push down his curiosity regarding her attire and whereabouts to enjoy it.

'How long will you love me if I cook something bland?' Killian teases, earning him a grin from Emma for playing along.

'A day less than forever.' Emma replies, kissing his cheek lightly to avoid ruining her lipstick as she swaps places with him in the doorway.

'I'll be back soon, love you.' She calls down the hall as she leaves and he watches her walk away, confusion setting in.

He gets settled in her apartment and begins preparing lasagna for dinner. It's not the most extravagant or varied meal but he knows Emma loves it and it's easy to reheat if it's cold when she gets back. (It's also one of the very first meals they shared together, but he tells himself it's silly to be sentimental over such a thing.)

The fact that she wants dinner means she's not expecting to eat out somewhere, so that rules out dinner with someone else. She's too dressed up just for coffee but it's too early to go to a club. Killian frowns the entire time he prepares the tomatoes and garlic, completely stumped as to what Emma could be up to.

Only having one hand slows down the preparation process and over an hour has passed by the time the lasagna is fully cooked, which is fortunately when Emma returns. He can hear her grumbling as he turns the oven off and takes the dish out, putting it on the counter quickly as the heat seeps through the oven mitts.

'Swan, everything okay?' Killian asks, turning to see her sliding out of her heels and kicking them away, groaning in apparent pain. She stands up and faces him and he notices the large wine stain on her dress, her loosened curls and weary expression.

'They always run.' Emma murmurs, bypassing the kitchen to walk towards her bedroom. Killian leaves the lasagna to cool a little and follows her close behind, almost gasping when she stops abruptly.

'Can you unzip me, please?' Emma asks, already pulling her hair out of the way of the zipper down her back. Killian swallows, his eyes briefly looking up and down to appreciate the way the dress hugs her curves before clearing his throat and unzipping the dress for her. She murmurs a thank you, holding the dress up until she reaches her room and he catches a brief glimpse of her dropping the dress to the floor before she pushes it closed.

He leaves her be, putting out the salad and garlic bread on the table and cutting up the lasagna. Emma comes out a few minutes later as he puts her plate on the table, wearing plaid pajama pants and a faded Boston University t-shirt, her make up wiped off and her hair scraped up into a messy ponytail. She looks just as beautiful as she had dressed up, but this Emma feels more familiar and it tugs his heart.

'So the guy was a suspect. Regina thought it would be a great idea to lure him in so we could arrest him. He was a flighty asshole that we had trouble pinning down so we set up a fake date with, you guessed it, lucky me. The second the guy clocked on that I was a cop he flipped the table and bolted. Fortunately I managed to stop him, but not without my dress being collateral damage. I haven't worn this dress in years either.' Emma explains with a grumpy frown on her face as she comes to sit at the table and Killian tries hard not to grin at how adorable she is when she complains.

'Sounds like a less than pleasant evening, Swan.' Killian replies, unable to hide his grin when she scowls at him.

'Well at least I caught the guy.' Emma sighs, aggressively biting into a piece of garlic bread.

'So, do I get the honour of going on a date with you in that dress, once it's dry-cleaned of course?' Killian teases and Emma softens, smiling so that a crumb of garlic bread moves on her lips.

'I wouldn't wear that dress on a date with you.' Emma replies, laughing at his clearly hurt expression.

'That dress is all about getting their attention, making them want you, teasing them about what's underneath. I already have your attention, you already want me and you've definitely already seen what's underneath.' Emma explains rather succinctly.

'Doesn't mean I can't enjoy seeing you wearing it.' Killian says, feeling his cheeks warm as he clears his throat. Very privately, in the back of his mind, is a thought, an imagining of their relationship had they met under different circumstances. He wonders if they would have flirted and teased more and went on dates where Emma wore such dresses.

'Should I have told you what I was doing tonight?' Emma asks, suddenly serious and his heart clenches at the panic in her voice at the thought of doing something wrong.

'You don't have to tell me where and what you're doing all the time, love. Maybe a heads up about fake dating ploys would be good to know though.' Killian smiles, reaching for her hand across the table. Emma returns his smile warmly and nods, looking down at their joined hands. He sees the scars on her arm and she sighs at the sight of them too.

'When I was looking at the menu in the restaurant tonight the guy suddenly started talking about how he had a friend with depression and how he helped them get through it and everything. I thought it was a bit of a serious topic for 10 minutes into a 'first date' but then I saw him looking at my arm.' Emma says a moment later.

'Do they bother you?' Killian asks, curious to know how Emma has been dealing with the visible reminder of what happened.

'Not really. I put stuff on them to help them fade but I don't try to cover them up or anything. I think the worst part is that no one can really understand what I went through and it's not really something I want to explain. I guess you're the only one that knows what that feels like.' Emma says quietly.

'I've lied when people asked me how I lost my hand. I think I've told a different story each time, but none of them were the truth, except when I told Jefferson.' Killian admits. He recalls his friend taking the news rather well and didn't push for details or was overly saccharine with his pity. It still hadn't been a pleasant time sharing the story however. Emma tilts her head and smiles, pulling her hand back to continue eating and he does the same.

'I'm going to see Gold next week. The only reason I'm going is because the FBI have taken over the drug case and they're pushing me to get information from him because apparently he won't talk to anyone else. Gold may have worked his way to the top but we've only arrested a handful of other guys and the amount they were dealing is too big for a small group.' Emma says, her aggressive form of eating returning as she speaks.

'Don't let him get to you. I know it's easier said than done but he will try to. There's a reason he wants to see you.' Killian tells her, stomach churning at the thought of Gold whispering terrible things to Emma through the prison glass.

'I know.' Emma replies quietly. Killian wishes that the subject of Gold didn't resurface so many times in their conversations, but between both of their physical and emotional wounds, Milah's death and the upcoming trial for his sentence, he is a difficult man to escape.

'So you're probably going to tease me mercilessly about it but I watched Mean Girls the other day and actually enjoyed it.' Killian grins, pleased when Emma snorts in response. It works however, their conversation avoiding any more mentions of Gold for the rest of the night. He's worried about Emma's visit, knowing bars and barriers aren't going to keep his mind games at bay, but tries not to let Emma see, sensing her nerves in her tense shoulders. He can only hope that his imagination is worse than reality.

* * *

'I know what Gold wanted, you should call Jefferson now.' Emma speaks hurriedly on the phone as she exits the prison, glancing anxiously around even though Gold is still locked up inside. Clearly he has plenty of men around _outside_.

'What is it? What does Jefferson have to do with it?' Killian asks on the other end and Emma clenches her teeth as she waits for the slow moving gates to open so she can drive as quickly as possible away from this place.

'Gold had drugs moved to your yacht but somehow implied that Jefferson owned it not you. God, I don't even know how he did it but you need to tell Jefferson. I'm going to get Regina to call the police down there to explain everything, but Gold insinuated that they already had a tip and are probably searching it soon if not now. We can't let Grace see her father taken away by police, even if it is a mistake.' Emma rambles and she hears a string of expletives come from Killian.

'Okay, I'll let him know. But Emma as soon as you get back we're driving down there.' He says roughly and she can hear him moving around in his apartment hurriedly.

'Of course.' Emma replies, chewing her lip as the security guard nods her out of the gates. She hangs up the phone, gripping onto the stirring wheel tightly and trying not to speed and get herself arrested.

Gold's smile had been disgustingly familiar when she sat down opposite him. She had known since receiving his request that he had something to taunt her with but she hadn't imagined he could have orchestrated something like this, all because he knew it would hurt Killian. Gold must have men watching almost everywhere, enough to know where Killian had been for the past few months, which yacht was his and who his friend was. They probably even knew Emma had been there, the thought making her feel nauseous when she recalls lying out in her bikini on the yacht with Killian.

Emma calls Regina and tells her what's going on, exhaling when her boss hangs up to call the local police and FBI. Even if Jefferson is arrested he'll be released once they realize he is innocent, but that wasn't the problem. Gold managed to frame Killian's friend all while being locked up. He could have a multitude of other things planned, just waiting for the right moment.

She stops by her own place first, picking up her phone charger, a change of clothes and a few toiletries before heading over to Killian's, anxiously glancing around as she makes her way up to his apartment.

'Any news?' Killian asks worriedly as he opens the door for her, pulling her into a quick embrace before stepping back to look at her.

'Regina called the local cops and let them know the drugs were planted and whatever incriminating evidence against Jefferson they find is false. She also called the FBI and they're heading over to deal with the situation. They're hoping that the real criminals have a plan to recover the drugs so they can catch them. I take it you still want to go there though?' Emma says, taking in Killian's angry expression.

'Yes. I spoke to Jefferson and he's sent Grace to a friend's for a sleepover, just in case cops came to the house to arrest him.' Killian shakes his head and Emma feels a wave of nausea turn her stomach. Jefferson had nothing to do with any of this and was targeted by Gold for this very reason, just to show them he had the power to ruin anyone's life.

Killian gathers a couple of things before they leave, beginning the long drive down to see Jefferson. For the most part, Killian keeps his anger inside him, although Emma isn't particularly sure that is good thing. They drive mostly in silence, too consumed in their serious thoughts to put the radio on or have a casual conversation. Killian asks her what exactly Gold had told her and voices his frustration a few times, but for the most part keeps quiet. She knows he blames himself and he says as much after a few hours in the car, quietly thinking out loud that he shouldn't have stayed with Jefferson, then maybe Gold wouldn't even know about him.

They're just over an hour away when Regina calls and Killian straightens from the passenger seat at the sound of her phone ringing. She picks up and puts it on speaker for Killian to hear too.

'The police are aware of your friend's innocence. They still want to speak to him and understand his connection to all of this but he hasn't been arrested. I told the FBI you were on your way there so they will speak to you too. As for Gold, he's been put in solitary confinement for now with no guest privileges. The FBI are furious with good reason, having the leader of a drug ring put away is irrelevant if he can still conduct business.' Regina explains over the phone and Emma glances over at Killian. He's still angry and worried, but at least it is something off his mind to know his friend hasn't been hauled off to jail.

Its late afternoon by the time they arrive, Jefferson ushering them into the house with a quick greeting and a weary expression.

'Have the cops spoken to you yet?' Killian asks as Jefferson makes them all coffee. He sighs and rubs his face and Emma feels sympathetic towards him. She and Killian have been dealing with Gold for months, but all this has happened to him in a matter of hours. He even had to send his daughter elsewhere.

'Yes. It seemed that some of my mail had been stolen and put on the yacht, along with a forged license for it in my name to implicate me. They wanted to know how I became involved in all of this, which means they now want to talk to you.' Jefferson looks at Killian apologetically but he puts up his hand dismissively.

'I'll be testifying during the trial, the FBI would want to talk to me at some point anyway.' Killian shrugs and Emma's chest tightens at the thought of the trial. It was scheduled for six months from now but the thought of sitting in the same room as Gold, seeing him smirk like he doesn't care about whatever sentence he receives gives her goose bumps.

'Well I know they want to talk to me too but after the drive here I'm not really up for a chat tonight so they'll have to wait until tomorrow.' Emma sighs, cupping her hands around the coffee mug that Jefferson slides along the counter for her.

'Aye, I'm not entirely up for it tonight either.' Killian says beside her, giving her a brief smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

'I have to ask, should I be worried about my safety, about Grace's?' Jefferson says quietly, too anxious to sit down. Emma glances at Killian, wondering what to say. The framing job was one thing, but even Gold must have known that they would have cleared the accusations relatively quickly. It wasn't about actually doing harm, at least for now, but it was showing that he could.

'I think it's best if we take you to a safe house, just for a little while.' Emma says softly, not wanting to alarm Jefferson but also wanting him to realize how much of a threat Gold can be. Killian seems surprised at her suggestion but doesn't refute it, which only solidifies her fear of further harm towards Jefferson.

'It will be fine for tonight but I'll talk to my boss and get her to locate the nearest safe house for tomorrow.' Emma adds, wincing at the way Jefferson rubs his face wearily.

There's little talk between the three of them after that, all of them tired, stressed and worried. Discussing anything else seems wrong but no one particularly wants to continue discussing Gold either and so they end up eating pizza and watching TV as a distraction. Emma calls Regina while Graham calls Grace to check up on her and Killian clears away the pizza boxes. Regina lets her know that the FBI are aware of Jefferson going to the safe house tomorrow and will talk with her and Killian then too.

For now, it is a waiting game and there is nothing more they can do for tonight. Emma says as much to Killian, who nods and reaches to pull her closer. She realizes how much she needed the comfort of his arms when he holds her and she sighs into his neck. Jefferson comes back in and although he wouldn't say it aloud, both Emma and Killian knew that he had been worried someone had managed to kidnap or hurt Grace somehow.

'Well, everything is good with Grace. She may well be safer at her friend's house tonight but I still don't like her being away from me.' He grumbles and Emma feels Killian's hand on her hip tighten.

'Listen mate, I'm so sorry you had to become involved in all of this.' Killian says genuinely but Jefferson waves him off.

'I knew you would blame yourself but this isn't your fault. Okay, maybe this wouldn't be happening if I didn't know you, but the only person at fault here is Gold.' At least that was one thing they could all agree on and Emma feels a flare of panic at the thought of Gold targeting Elsa. She knows Killian is his main target but for now she won't count out the possibility of anyone else becoming collateral damage.

They call it a night and Emma follows Killian to the guest room he had stayed in (and the one she had slept in instead of her own) and almost collapses onto the bed once she's in her pajamas. Emma senses that some of Killian's tension has eased since arriving but he still blames himself and still carries a lot of guilt for Grace having to hide at a friend's house and Jefferson jumping at every car door banging outside.

'Babe, stop being so hard on yourself.' Emma mumbles to Killian as she curls up under the sheets, watching him while he aggressively unbuttons his shirt. He raises an eyebrow and gives her half a smirk at her term of endearment before his expression falls back into one of anguish.

'If it were Elsa in trouble you would be just as hard on yourself, probably even more so.' Killian replies and she hums, knowing he was right.

'Yes, but that doesn't mean I like seeing you torturing yourself.' Emma sighs, reaching her arm across the bed for him. Killian softens a little as he turns to face the bed, tilting his head to give her a soft smile.

'I'm still not used to seeing you like this.' He says fondly, swiftly changing the subject, although she can't complain when he is looking at her like that.

'You mean exhausted with puffy eyes and dirty hair and wearing pajamas? I'm almost certain I looked like that the majority of the time you were staying with me.' Emma scoffs, amused when Killian gives her a scowl of disapproval before grinning as he slides in next to her.

'I mean seeing you in bed beside me.' He demonstrates his point by running his hand along her curves as he kisses her, perhaps a little more desperately than he had intended. She's found that Killian is an expressive man, his kisses and touches saying just as much as the words that fall from his lips. It's amazing, to not only be told that you are loved but treated as such as well. It makes the words of her previous lovers feel empty.

'Had you been in love before Milah? Genuine love, not just thinking you were happy at the time.' Emma asks him, curious about his experiences with love. It all feels so new to her that a part of her feels jealous that anyone else was loved by Killian.

'There was my high school sweetheart Stacey. I did love her, but it was a relationship of firsts and we were still discovering ourselves. I think love is different at that age.' Killian shares and a strange sensation passes through Emma. It's a little bit of jealousy, but not of the relationship itself, but because Killian could look back on his first love with fondness rather than aching pain.

'Then I met Alison when I worked at a publishing company in London. That was my first serious relationship as an adult. I'd had casual relationships and dates before then but this was meeting parents, exchanging keys serious. She was eccentric and loved tea and miss-matching clothes and had a dark sense of humour. I loved her a lot, which is why it hurt when she told me she didn't love me anymore. We separated and I felt I truly had my heart broken. Then I met Milah, and I suppose you know how that ended.' Killian shrugs wistfully.

'I thought you had more experience.' Emma blurts, instantly feeling heat rush to her cheeks in embarrassment. Surprise crosses Killian's face before he smiles genuinely and it makes her heart clench.

'I thought I was lucky to love four people.' He says and she silently agrees that having four genuine relationships of love was perhaps lucky, but she is still surprised. One relationship had been when he was young, another short lived with a married woman, the other was back when he lived in England and now her.

'It's definitely more than me, I just thought you would have been in love a lot. I don't know, I have this image of you as a character from a novel that has these wild, passionate connections with various people throughout their life.' Emma laughs, making Killian do the same.

'Hardly, Swan.' He replies, cupping her face and brushing her chin with his thumb. After the amusement dies down she sees the question in his eyes and sighs.

'Two. Including you.' Emma answers the unspoken question and Killian looks visibly shocked. On one hand she's pleased he also thought she had more experience, but on the other it only reminds her how little love she's actually had in her life.

'There were other people, but I didn't love them. Despite everything, I did love Neal. And then you.' Emma adds as if she needed to explain even though it must have been clear to Killian who the only other person she loved had been.

'I can't help but wonder why it's me you love now.' Killian replies and Emma leans forward to kiss him. It's short and soft but she needs to feel the touch of his lips to soothe her aching heart.

'I could talk all night about the reasons why I love you, but I know you're tired.' She tries to make it a joke but Killian suddenly tenses and she frowns before hearing what must have made him alert. It was Jefferson's door opening, the hall light suddenly seeping under their own closed door.

He's talking and Emma assumes it's on the phone but she can't quite hear what is being said. He soon stops and there's a quiet knock on their door. Killian quickly pulls a t-shirt on and opens the door, Emma sitting up when she sees Jefferson's serious expression.

'Grace had a nightmare and she's scared. She wants to come home and I couldn't exactly tell her home may not be safe for her right now so I'm going to get her.' Jefferson says hurriedly to Killian before looking over at Emma.

'You're a cop, you carry a gun, right?' He asks and she nods.

'That will have to do for protection tonight then.' Jefferson continues and turns to leave.

'Do you want us to come with you?' Killian asks, stepping into the hall after Jefferson.

'No, I should be fine. It's not far and her friend's parents know I'm coming.' Jefferson replies and Emma watches Killian nod and clench his jaw. Jefferson calls up a goodbye as he hurries out the door and they both lie awake waiting for him to return.

'They wouldn't just hurt them without an order from Gold, and Gold is in solitary with no contact right now.' Emma reasons, resting her head on Killian's chest with her arm around him.

'Aye, that makes sense. We can never put anything past Gold though.' Killian sighs and Emma squeezes her eyes shut, wishing he wasn't right.

They hear the door a while later and the undeniable soft voice of a child. Both Emma and Killian relax, although they stay awake until they hear Jefferson tuck Grace up in bed and go back to his own.

'Everything is okay, for tonight.' Killian whispers and Emma nods against him. They exchange goodnights and love you's and Emma checks her gun is on the table before they drift off in a not entirely peaceful sleep.

The morning is full of anxiety and tension as they get ready to go to the safe house. It isn't a long drive away but Emma assumes by its location on the map that it's in a relatively remote area.

Jefferson helps Grace pack a bag, telling her that they're going on a mini vacation for a few days. Emma can tell that Grace is smart and can sense something is wrong but the little girl doesn't say anything, which everyone is relieved about.

Grace had jumped off her chair in the kitchen to hug Killian when they came down for breakfast this morning, calling him Uncle and asking if he is back to stay again. Emma had smiled at the interaction but bit her lip when Grace's eyes widened when she noticed her behind Killian. He had introduced her to Grace as his friend but she snorted and rolled her eyes.

'Your _girlfriend_ you mean.' Grace had said, which managed to defuse the tension. Now Emma is braiding Grace's hair as they sit waiting for Jefferson to finish making some calls, her eyes drifting to Killian anxiously glancing out of the window every few seconds.

'Is something wrong with Daddy?' Grace asks and Emma is grateful that Killian turns around to answer before she has to fumble for the right thing to say.

'He's just letting his boss know he won't be in work because you're going somewhere nice for a few days.' Killian says softly, his eyes darting up to meet Emma's over Grace's head.

Grace doesn't seem convinced but fortunately Jefferson comes into the living room and puts on a smile for his daughter. They carry out the bags into the car and put Charlie in the trunk, his tail wagging furiously at the excitement of it all.

Emma and Killian get into her car, leading the way to the safe house for Jefferson to follow in his own. It's a relief to not have to hide her concern anymore and she glances around the neighbourhood as they drive away, making sure they aren't being followed or watched.

'The FBI wanted to meet us at the safe house but I asked them not to so Grace wouldn't get worried. We're to meet them at the local police department in a few hours.' Emma tells Killian once they're on the road. He still glances in the mirror and out the window for anyone following but he is less tense now and she feels herself begin to relax a little.

The safe house turns out to be a nice, cozy cottage in a private wooded area and Emma is glad that the only road to it is visible from inside in the house, that way Jefferson will see if anyone is approaching. There is a large back yard with access to the woods behind the house, giving Charlie plenty of space to run around and Grace to play in.

The internet is spotty but the phone signal is good enough to make calls, which Jefferson takes comfort in knowing. Emma helps Killian set out Charlie's food and water bowls while Jefferson and Grace take their bags upstairs, Jefferson choosing the front room so he can look out the window at the road.

'Well, it looks like you're all settled in here. Emma and I will probably head back home once we've spoken to the FBI but let us know how you are and if anything happens.' Killian says quietly to Jefferson, who looks at them both and nods.

'Thank you for organizing this. I still feel anxious but I would have felt like a sitting duck at home.' Jefferson replies, rubbing his forehead with a groan.

'Of course. We'll keep you updated on what's going on with Gold and his men, but fortunately it seems their threat against you was just that incident.' Emma explains, not entirely believing her own words but hoping they provide Jefferson with some comfort. They say their goodbyes and Grace waves at them out the window as they drive away.

'They'll be okay.' Emma tells Killian softly, reaching to squeeze his thigh affectionately. He puts his hand over hers and smiles, weakly but a smile all the same.

* * *

'Detective Swan, did you really think it was wise to start dating the witness in the case you were working on?'

FBI agent Marcus Sanders was an entirely unpleasant man. Emma had spoken to him on the phone a few times and met him once before and she knew he had been desperate to scold her on this particular topic.

'Agent Sanders, not that my personal life is any of your business, but Killian Jones and I only began dating a couple of weeks ago, and as you know by that time the case was passed onto you. I think we have more important matters to discuss, like how Gold managed to continue organizing crime while he is in jail.' Emma bristles, trying to keep calm as she feels Sanders' eyes rake over her with judgement. Sanders' partner Michaels is talking to Killian in the next room and she can't help but feel like the both of them are being interrogated.

'Well, first of all we'd like to know what Gold said to you when you visited. He requested to speak with you, there must have been a reason.' Sanders asks pointedly and Emma holds back her desire to snort derisively.

'The conversation was recorded, I'm sure you could get a transcript of it. Anyway, he didn't say anything useful. The only reason he wanted to speak to me specifically was because he knew of my relationship with Killian and by extension Jefferson, who is Killian's friend. The whole thing was a game he was playing. He wanted to hurt Killian and I was the best way to get a message to him. He was never going to reveal anything.' Emma shares, hoping for her sake her tone wasn't as condescending as it sounded to her.

'So you have no information on his associates?' Sanders asks in disbelief, as if accusing her of withholding the information.

'No, and he was never going to share.' Emma replies impatiently and Sanders narrows his eyes at her.

'Well, we arrested the associates that came back to the yacht for the drug supply. They aren't talking either but that's at least five members of the drug ring including Gold detained so it's a start at breaking down this thing.' Sanders sighs and Emma exhales with relief. Gold wouldn't put more than four men down here just on a sabotage job, so it's mostly safe to assume that no other 'associates' are continuing to pursue Jefferson for the time being.

'Have you gone through Gold's previous guest interactions?' Emma asks and Sanders looks disgruntled but curious.

'No.' He answers simply and she almost rolls her eyes at how stupid he is.

'That was how he was communicating his orders. It may have seemed like normal conversations to the guards or officers on duty but I assume Gold has code words and phrases for things. If you go through the previous guest logs and decode the conversations you can figure out how and what messages he is sharing. I'm sure that will be useful in tracking down other members of the ring.' Emma says firmly, pleased when Sanders looks more amazed than irritated by her.

'I'll have someone get on that.' He says genuinely and Emma nods, glancing at the window to see Killian waiting in the hallway.

'Was there anything else? It's a long drive back home.' Emma says, pleased when Sanders shakes his head. She sees him look over at Killian but fortunately doesn't say anything more and she takes her leave before he can.

'How was your questioning?' Emma asks Killian once they're in the car. He had put his arm around her and kissed her forehead as they left and she had wondered if it was in response to the questions he had been asked about their relationship.

'It was as expected. They obviously have all my previous statements but act like they've never read them to try and catch me out when I answer the same questions. They asked about us, and whether I was only with you to gain information on Gold.' Killian's voice is rough and she can tell he is angry.

'You never thought that did you? That I was only interested in you for information?' Killian asks worriedly.

'No. Despite all my trust issues that possibility never actually crossed my mind.' Emma replies honestly.

She pulls into a gas station to fill up and get them coffee for the road, still checking around for anyone despite convincing herself that there isn't any imminent threats. Killian takes the coffee cup gratefully but soon puts it in the cup holder, his hand moving to the sleeve of his shirt.

'Is your arm hurting again?' She asks with concern. Killian's pain has lessened gradually over the months since the incident but it still aches every so often, perhaps more often than she thought but he doesn't like to make a fuss.

'Aye, a little. Do you mind if we make a stop before leaving town?' Killian replies. Emma is surprised by his request initially but quickly realizes that in the craziness and panic, they hadn't been to his yacht. The police and FBI cleared it for entrance when all the drugs were taken away but both of them are still slightly hesitant as they walk along the pier of boats to Killian's.

He takes her hand to help her onto the yacht and doesn't let go, their fingers laced together as they enter the cabin. Some things seemed a little out of place but that is the only evidence that something untoward had occurred here.

'I know you wanted me to come back with you, but there were a few things I needed to finish here.' Killian says and for some reason Emma feels her chest tighten. He hadn't really explained his need to stay before, just said there were some unfinished things to do with the yacht. She had wanted to know but didn't push and was grateful that he seemed to be telling her now.

'I finally got the yacht up and running and took it out for a spin in the harbour.' Killian smiles, looking out the window at the water. Killian is a man that could sit for hours in the same spot reading a book but also has the desire to travel and explore and experience. It's something she really loves about him that counteracts her own restless nature and desire for familiarity.

'Once I knew she worked I had to take Liam out too.' Killian continues, smiling fading as he turns serious.

'His body was in bad shape after the car accident and I decided to have him cremated. I've had his remains for three years, waiting for the right place and time to scatter them. He loved this yacht and being out on the water, so I went out and set him free.' Killian's voice shakes and her heart squeezes.

Emma doesn't really know what to say to comfort him so she hugs him, which he seems to appreciate. Killian doesn't cry, but she thinks he probably did the day he scattered Liam's ashes. It's something she's never had to do, to visit the grave of a loved one or decide their final resting place, but she can imagine how hard it is.

'Anyway, I just wondered if you'd like to go out on the water too. It's not as fun being on vessel if you can't go anywhere.' Killian jokes lightly and she smiles, brushing the corners of his lips with her thumbs as she cups his face briefly.

'Lead the way, Captain.' Emma replies, coaxing a bigger smile from him. She goes out on deck as Killian powers up the engine, the noise and the spray of the water an initial shock that she gets used to rather quickly.

They go out just far enough that she has to squint to see everything on land clearly, but it's a quiet day and there's only one other boat out on the water a distance away. Killian cuts the engine and joins her at the railing, putting his arm around her as they look ahead, the clear blue sky running into the blue of the water so perfectly.

They are silent for a long time, Emma resting her head on Killian's shoulder and his arm around her waist. It's peaceful and perfect after the anxiety-ridden few days they've had. Killian always manages to be that for her, the calm during a storm of stress and work and criminals.

'We should get going before it gets late.' Killian finally sighs. Emma had been thinking the same but was waiting for him to be ready to leave. They head back to the docking area and Killian secures the yacht into its space between the others. She watches him take a sentimental sweep of the place with his eyes before they leave, Killian exhaling away any wistful thoughts he has.

They begin the long drive back, stopping off at a fast food drive-thru and filling up on junk. Killian compares it to her cooking and she throws a fry at him, making him laugh heartily as he tries to work the stiff lever under the seat to search for it.

'Did you see that study where the guy kept McDonald's fries for years and they never went moldy?' Emma asks and Killian shakes his head and laughs, finally finding the fry and laughing harder when he puts it in her new coffee cup instead of the old empty one. She playfully gives him a hard time and makes him promise to bring her coffee to work for the next week as an apology, which he whole-heartedly agrees to.

His grin turns into a genuine smile and the twinkle of amusement in his eye becomes a look of affection. Emma takes advantage of the red light to lean over and kiss him, earning them a beep from the car behind when the light turns green and she doesn't realize. Emma bites her lip guiltily and Killian flushes but neither of them regret it.

Soon the sky begins to darken and signs for the city start appearing as they get closer to home. Emma looks over at Killian and is suddenly struck with the memory of driving him away from Gold's house covered in blood with his severed hand in his lap. He had been a stranger at the time and she had been reluctant to deal with him. Now she was in love with him.

Killian turns to face her as if sensing her gaze and smiles. He can always say so much with a simple look or smile and this one tells her he loves her too. They exchange the words several times that night and Emma is sure that she'll spend the rest of her life sharing them with Killian.


	18. Chapter 18

_Seven months later_

'Thank you all so much for the gifts, they're beautiful and very thoughtful.' Mary Margaret smiles at everyone, David sitting beside her with his arm around her. Killian watches them both touch her stomach every so often, grinning at each other when they feel the baby kick.

'It's a good thing you exchanged the stuff I bought at Toys R Us.' Emma whispers to him from her perch on his lap. David and Mary Margaret are still at their loft apartment and between the moving boxes for their new home, the gifts for the new baby and all the guests for the shower, there wasn't much space left in the small apartment.

'The baby hasn't even been born yet, a chemistry set for 8 year olds wasn't exactly the best gift.' Killian teases quietly, his hand sitting comfortably on her hip.

'I've never even held a baby, how would I know what to buy for one?' Emma replies, a smile on her lips before she considers her words. She dips her head and he moves his hand to caress her arm, seeing sadness cloud her expression as she thinks of the baby she gave up all those years ago. It's not the time or place to have a serious conversation and he tries to comfort her as much as he can in the presence of a happy, expecting couple and all their friends.

The four of them had kept in contact, catching up through email every so often. They hadn't become fast friends or anything but after David and Margaret offered their home to them when they were strangers it was nice to touch base with the friendly couple. Gold's trial had only finished last week and it had been nice to get out of the city after a stressful time in court for both of them, although Storybrooke hadn't exactly been their first choice destination.

'We know that everyone got gender-neutral gifts but we actually just found out we're having a baby boy.' Mary Margaret says cheerfully, bringing Killian out of his thoughts and back to the happy gathering. David rubs her stomach proudly, clearly looking forward to having a son and Killian holds Emma a little tighter.

The group slowly splits off into smaller ones, the expecting couple making their rounds to thank everyone personally and get ideas for names. Emma and Killian stay together, exchanging polite introductions with the other guests but otherwise staying back from conversations.

Emma pulls his left arm around her middle, her fingers delicately brushing over the scars on his wrist. He had gotten a prosthetic hand but was now used to not having two hands and found the prosthetic to be almost as disorientating as losing his real hand had been. He wears it on occasion but found that he didn't need or want to wear it as much as he thought.

David and Mary Margaret make their way around to them eventually and he can feel Emma getting restless on his lap, wanting to leave but not wanting to be rude.

'We heard Gold's trial has been going on.' David mentions and Killian freezes, not anticipating this discussion (which, of course, was foolish, David had been there that day they arrested Gold after all).

'Yeah it just finished last week. He got various sentences for all his crimes, but he'll be serving a life sentence with no chance of parole so at least he's locked up for the rest of his life.' Emma says, David nodding with approval. Emma had been sharing this information with people at work for the past week and was more versed in talking about it than he was, which is why it still shocks him to think about it.

'It's good to hear that nasty piece of work won't be able to hurt anyone else.' David says and both Killian and Emma simply nod in agreement, seeing no need to open up the can of worms that was the Jefferson incident a few months ago. Fortunately that had been the only incident and both Jefferson and his daughter Grace were safe and unharmed. The FBI had also managed to track down more associates in the drug ring and arrested most of those involved, although Emma had told him that the FBI were communicating with international security and police to track down the shipments from other countries.

As terrible as Gold's other crimes were, Killian at least felt vindicated that the life sentence he received was for Milah's murder. He probably would have gotten out eventually on the other charges but the murder of his wife was the thing that will keep him behind bars until he dies.

'Anyway, congratulations on your baby boy! Do you have any name preferences yet?' Emma asks with a smile, which sends Mary Margaret off on a whole list of names and David vetoing the bad ones. Killian listens but his attention keeps getting drawn to Emma and he sits up so he can kiss her cheek lightly. She blushes but otherwise ignores him as she continues listening and offering suggestions of her own.

Their friends call them over to cut the cake and David and Mary Margaret smile and head over to the group gathered in the kitchen.

'Do you want to grab a slice of cake and then head out?' Emma asks him as she stands up. Killian grins and Emma gives him a look of innocence in response.

'Does that mean _you_ want to leave?' He replies, kissing her forehead and stretching out his legs as he stands up too.

'The past few weeks have been crazy, I just want some time for the two of us.' Emma shrugs and Killian's chest tightens. Emma has been so stressed recently, crashing at his place late at night because she was too tired to make food for herself (although his lessons have been paying off and she is now actually capable of cooking a decent meal). She had been working her own cases alongside the trial, even going on a stakeout the night she testified despite him voicing his concerns. Emma had practically burned herself out and he could suddenly see her exhaustion so clearly.

'Me too, love.' Killian says, taking Emma's warm hand in his as they join the rest of the party by the cake. They have a slice each and join in with some of the conversations before politely saying goodbye to David and Mary Margaret, wishing them luck with the baby.

They walk back to the inn they're staying at, Emma shivering a little in the chilly breeze of the spring afternoon. Killian feels the chill setting in too and starts building up the logs in the fireplace when they get to their room. There were a few hotels along the main street into town but Emma had wanted to stay somewhere small and quiet, which Killian was now grateful for as the crackling fire was much more comforting than a modern heater.

'You smell smoky now.' Emma murmurs as he joins her on the bed. She's subdued, has been for a few days now and he's desperate to hear her laugh or see her smile longer than a second. She tucks herself into his side, her feet cold as they brush up against his own. He pulls the blanket at the bottom of the bed over them and already feels himself grow tired despite it only being the afternoon.

'I think we should go away for a bit.' Killian says, jolting when Emma's cold hands creep beneath his shirt.

'We are away.' Emma replies, her hands pressed firmly against him in a bid to warm up.

'I mean somewhere we need our passports.' He says, tucking the blanket around Emma a little more.

'Like a vacation?' Emma asks, lifting her head and raising her eyebrows.

'Aye, I think we deserve it.' Killian replies, smiling when he sees Emma's eyes light up.

'Somewhere hot and sunny and beautiful.' Emma smiles as she imagines it. He likes it too, the image of them sunbathing on a beach somewhere, away from the stress of everything and just the two of them.

'I have some time off now and flights are cheaper this time of year.' Emma adds thoughtfully, sitting up a little to see him better.

'Where do you want to go?' Killian asks and Emma raises her eyebrows again, tilting her head in a way that makes him grin.

'So many places.' She replies and he nods, feeling the same way. They talk for hours about traveling and exploring until the fire dies down and Killian moves to build it back up. Emma's stomach rumbles and he laughs, handing her the small menu of home-made food the inn provides. Killian lays out the blanket by the fire and they alternate between eating fries and onion rings and searching destinations on Emma's laptop.

'Are we going for a relaxing vacation or exploring? I'd love to go to so many of these places but I don't have much time off, or that much money.' Emma sighs, scrolling down the list of destinations and vacation packages.

'We can always save up for the bigger vacations. For now it's just a little getaway.' Killian replies, tucking her hair behind her ear as she looks longingly at the picturesque destinations. It's another hour before they decide and with nervous laughter book their tickets to the Dominican Republic. It's everything they want for now and they leave in only a few days. Emma finds a last minute hotel room and they exhale once everything is booked and paid for.

'We're really doing this.' Emma murmurs, looking up at him with excitement. He had spent a good amount of time reassuring her about getting on a plane (when her eyes had grown wide at the diagram of seats he had realized she had never been on a plane before) but her fears hadn't made her any less excited, in fact she was looking forward to flying for the first time.

They spend the rest of the evening cuddled up by the fire, looking through things to do and see on their vacation. Emma is smiling more than she has the whole past month and Killian is relieved that he has managed to cheer her up.

* * *

'Killian, look at all the lights down there.' Emma murmurs in amazement as she looks out the window as they take off. Her hand is squeezing his tightly and she's furiously chewing away at some candy but she's handling it rather well.

'It's great seeing the city from up here, isn't it?' Killian replies, leaning over to look out at the view. Emma hums in agreement and continues looking out the window until they're so high it's just darkness outside. She rests her head on his shoulder and starts playing about with her TV screen and looking through the movies.

Killian feels himself begin to drift off, the airport adrenaline dying down and the low light of the night flight making him sleepy.

'I love you.' Emma whispers before he falls asleep, tucking his headphones into the pocket in front of him so he doesn't lose them and kissing his cheek. He smiles lazily and finds her hand again, lacing their fingers together.

'I love you too.' Killian replies, closing his eyes once he's seen her smile back and settle herself in to watch a movie. The flight isn't overly long but he does manage to get a good nap in before the sensation of the plane descending wakes him up. Emma has fallen asleep too, curled up and leaning on the window. She wakes up not long after him, moving to lean against him instead.

'Are we almost there?' Emma asks, her voice rough with sleep and he smiles.

'Aye, another twenty minutes or so until we land.' He replies, brushing his thumb over the imprints on her cheek where she was resting on the sleeve of her sweatshirt. Emma's eyes meet his and his stomach flips. She still looks sleepy but her eyes are bright with affection, her gaze dropping to his lips as she bites her own.

The weeks leading up to Gold's trial had almost been as difficult as when it was actually going on and it had felt like their relationship was on the back burner. He understood why, but he had missed the easy flirtation and affection that they shared when they first started dating. Killian leans over to kiss her but a bout of turbulence makes him unsteady and he misses her lips. Emma laughs and despite the small flush to his cheeks he's pleased to hear that sound from her.

The next few hours are a whirlwind of getting off the plane, going through customs, getting their bags, finding a taxi and heading over to their hotel. Killian and Emma both look out the car window with wide eyes, taking in the streets and the people and the buildings. They check in at the hotel and take their bags to the room, Killian exhaling with relief at the air conditioning and free bottles of water.

'Look at this view.' Emma marvels as she steps out onto the balcony and he joins her with an appreciative glance over the sight of the beach and the sea ahead. The water is a beautiful blue colour and is framed by the palm trees and sandy beach that stretches for miles around them. When he had realized how much everything had cost Killian had made a joke about staying in America and just relaxing on the yacht for a week, but being here in the warmth and beauty of someplace new he was glad they had taken a vacation.

They go down to the beach and put down their towels in a quiet area, close enough to the water but a good distance from other groups and couples. Emma puts on sunscreen and lies down to sunbathe, her long legs and creamy skin on show in her small bikini. She looks up at him and grins, her fingers trailing along his thigh.

'You missed some sunscreen.' Emma says innocently, although her fingers keep moving even after the lotion has faded. There is absolutely no hint of stress or concern on her face and Killian smiles warmly at her.

'I do only have the one hand.' Killian jokes, lifting his left arm even though his point is obvious. This was the most exposed he had ever been in public, with no shirt sleeve or sweater to hide anything. His prosthetic would have required his brace, which would only draw more attention to his arm. He has learned to accept not having his left hand, and to not worry as much about what other people think. Emma knows the truth of what happened and loves him, that's all that matters.

Killian lies down on his towel beside her, his skin already soaking in the heat of the sun. Emma shuffles so that their shoulders and arms touch and she sighs, turning her head to look at him. She's wearing sunglasses and he can't see her beautiful green eyes but he feels her gaze and knows it's full of affection by the way her lips curve upwards.

'This is perfect.' Emma whispers, her fingers curling around his wrist. Sometimes he wonders if it still hurts or if he's gotten so used to the dull ache that the pain is now constantly a part of him. But he does know one thing about it. The pain is never there when Emma touches him.

Secretly Killian often thinks of Emma's touch as magic, which he blurts out without thinking and cringes. He thinks he sees Emma flush but she doesn't laugh or make fun of him, instead she moves her fingers gently along his scars.

'Am I making it better?' She asks nervously, like she actually wants to have magical healing powers.

'Always.' Killian replies.

'Then I'll always have to be with you, to make it better.'

Emma lifts up her sunglasses and meets his eyes, things unsaid passing between them. He leans forward to kiss her, slow and passionate and loving. The sound of the waves relaxes him and he lazily lounges in the sand with Emma curled by his side, napping in the soothing heat of the tropical sun. Killian realizes with a soft smile that this is what it feels like to be content, and he wants to hold onto it for forever.

* * *

 **A/N:** And that's it for this story! Thanks so much to everyone that has taken the time to read it and I really appreciate all the feedback and response. I won't have another multi-chapter fic for a while but I'd love to work on some one shots so if anyone has any prompts or ideas come visit my tumblr curiousthingdarkness :)


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